BACK!!!!

(So desperate for love, I'll snuggle anything.)

Yayayay!  Ruru the Cat here.  Remember last week how I told you my people were NEVER coming back?  My people came back the very next day!  And the sun shone again!  I could scarcely eat the whole time they were there.  They left us a bucket of food, but it was hard to get into it.  We all fought over it.  More than that, I just didn't want to anymore than I had to the whole time.  My person wasn't here.  It just didn't seem worth it.  Everyone was hairballing all the time because the people do some kind of magic while they're here to keep us from that. 

(So delighted to be back in that horrid caterpillar costume 'cuz it means my person's back.)

But then they came back!  She came back!  More than a week later, but she came.  I've never been so purry as the day she showed she wasn't gone forever.  They smelled like meat they didn't share with me (jerks), and they smelled like they'd been petting foreign dogs.  They talked about visiting some kind of big cat zoo thing, so I know she's been cheating on me.  But it doesn't matter because she's back!  It doesn't even matter that she's still rearranging my face, bringing the annoying dogs back into my house, putting me in costumes, that her mom keeps waking me to pet me all the time, that they're still being as annoying as ever.  They're home! 

Abandoned...alone...forsaken...forever!

(Where are they?) 

Ruru the Cat here.  My person left me forever!  One day, they were all there, and the next, they were just gone.  They've left before for a couple of days, sometimes even several days.  But this has been over a week, which in cat years is FOREVER AND EVER!!!!!

I don't know what I'm going to do if my people don't ever come back.  I mean, they did me the favor of disappearing the dogs, which is great.  But I want them back, especially my person.  They did send someone to check on us.  When I heard the door open, I was just sure it would be my people.  But it wasn't!  It was just the Others who sometimes visit but aren't mine. 

What do I do if my person doesn't show up?  I can't snuggle myself.  We're rapidly running out of the entire huge bucket of food they left for us.  The water is getting kind of stale and just not so yummy anymore.  I wonder if I can sneak into the boy's room and eat those lizards.  I wonder if I can find my way inside the sealed place where they keep meat cold.  I wonder if the dogs will come back so we can maybe eat them.  But most of all, I wonder when will my person come back?  Does she hate me now?  Oh, the horror!  I'm so traumatized I think I'll take a nap now. 

People!

                                                     (Me getting tortured by my person.)

Ruru the Cat here.  My person has been driving me nuts this week.  I sometimes wonder why I put up with all of this.  She's been rearranging my anatomy.  She's been poking me, squeezing me, waking me up and THEN poking me.  Letting the stupid dog take my spot.  Taken me to the bathroom with a tub AND sink that put out real WATER.  And just when her mom is petting me and squishing my face just right, she takes me AWAY!!!   I can't tell you how annoying she's been this week. 

(Just ouch.)

She's also taken to plucking at my busted nail.  It's annoying enough that it's broken.  Does she really have to mess with it?  It hurts enough without her making it bleed.  Seriously. 

(CLOTHING!!!!)

Worst of all, she dressed me up in clothing.  Like a person.  I blogged about this!  I wanna be naked!  Not cat-that's-been-shaved naked but fuzzy-cat-happy-in-her-own-skin naked.  I do not REPEAT do NOT need clothing.  I think it's all this sitting inside that's getting to her head.   

                                                              (Fine.  Butter me up.)

She's been driving me NUTS.  Just when I really get to wondering why I put up with all of this, she turns around and snuggles me to sleep.  She breaks out the fishie crackers.  She does something NICE.  Okay, I'll keep her around.  Let her be my pet human.  'Cuz I'm nice like that.  

Caught Out

(Nasty flashback to last week when there was a kitten monster in the house.  My person came back from somewhere smelling like kittens again(!!!), and I was afraid more would show up.  They didn't.  (Whew.)

Ruru the Cat here.  Remember that week when the kitten left (yay!), and my person and her mom were the only ones left home for a WHOLE WEEK, and it was awesome?  Well, it sounds like drama went on in my very house that I didn't even know about.  The boy left his lizard's cage open, and it got out all week.  AND I COULDN'T GET IN THERE TO PLAY WITH IT.  Not even just a little.  The door was closed.  I mean, to think of all those hours lost, slowly killing a lizard...think how much fun that would have been!  Oh, I guess the lizard wants to talk here, too.  Fine.   Man, it doesn't even feel like my blog some weeks.   

(Me!  The Awesome and most impressive Survival Gecko!)

Survival Gecko here.  I'm looking forward to starting my YouTube videos on how to survive in this crazy world of humans as a gecko.  It's a tough world out there, and geckos can be small and helpless if you aren't careful.  I'm quite the adventurer, and I got to go on an AMAZING adventure this week!  

A year or so ago, the cats knocked over the cage that held me and another gecko.  We both ran and hid.  I don't know what happened to the other gecko, but I survived!  For Six months!  I'm amazing like that!  In my videos, I'll show you how to be a survivor like me!  I'll show you how to live off toilet water, how to eat all the box elder bugs, moths, mosquitoes, and other household bugs you can eat!

(Me, armed and dangerous with Nerf in case some other idiot wants to steal my blog.)

Silly lizard brain.  Do you not understand the point of a blog?  It's all about telling everyone about your suffering, how you're a martyr to this human world we live in.  It's not about advertising some video.  Man, teach me to let anyone else borrow my blog.  No one writes a blog like a cat.  

Purradise!

(A world that revolves around me=joy)

This week was amazing!  Ruru the Cat here.  The kitten menace disappeared Monday and must have taken the boy and my person's dad with it because they all disappeared all week long... so I pretty much had my person to myself all week.  Her mom was here, doing something boring called "grading" for something she called a "class," but it looked like a lot of staring at that screen thing without nearly enough petting of the four-legged friends of the house like me.  But that was okay because there were no kittens to be found anywhere!  I got to replace all of her smells with mine.  I got to hang out with my person all I wanted with no one to stop me or kick me out except at night when I really don't much want to be cooped up, anyway. 

(Me, getting all the love I could wish)

It was great.  I had total control of the house.  Except for the annoying other cats and the dogs, but they all know I'm in charge.  I had total control of the kitchen because the kitten didn't take my place on the chair to ask for food every time the fridge door opened.  I could eat all the fishie crackers I would wish.  I could sneak into the adult people's bedroom and have peace and quiet without worrying about the kitten's obnoxiously loud purr disrupting my peace of mind.  I could steal the dogs' food all I like because the dogs are too dumb to stop me, and the kitten wasn't there to beat me to it. 

(Seriously?  Fake mice do not fool me)

One day this week, my person even brought home a can of soft meat just for me!  She said something about my "birthday," whatever that is, and also stuck a stuffed mouse that vibrates under my nose.  Like I can't tell that from a real mouse. 

(Yesssss!)

But the best part was the can, oh, the can.  Had the kitten been here, I know she would have stolen it.  Oh, at the end of the week, the guys showed up again.  I was afraid that meant the kitten would be back, but I still have all those hands to pet me and hold me all to myself!  Yay for me!

Eeeeeeeeevile!

(The face of EVIL!  Tremble in fear!)

I hinted that the worst thing EVER happened this week.  Ruru the Cat here.  I can't even speak of it.  Forget I said anything.  I'll be hiding up and away, as far away as I can, and hold perfectly still so IT doesn't notice me.  I've been hiding all week in my OWN HOUSE because of this monstrosity.

But I have to tell SOMEONE.  No one around here seems to understand the depth of the depravity of this horror, this terror, this KITTEN.  I can only hope it's temporary, that someone comes along and steals it, or that it goes back to the abyss from whence it came.

(See that word on my person's shirt?  Yeah.  Sums it up for me.)

It showed up just after I started the last blog.  I was hoping it was some kind of nightmare, that all I had to do was take a nap, and it would go away.  But no matter how many naps I took, it was still THERE, hissing and growling at me every time my clearly-deluded person picks both of us up at the same time, as if that will somehow make us less likely to kill each other.  As long as my person is hidden away in her room, that evil thing can't sneak in.  I can be safe behind closed doors in her room, under her bed.

But then she does a crazy thing called walk out, as if needing to eat or go to the bathroom somehow outweighed the need to hide.  I mean, litter box.  Hello?  Besides, she has FISHIE CRACKERS.  You don't need other food when you have those?

(Insane bundle of insanity kills anything that moves.)

But then, I get stuck outside of her room, and that thing is bouncing around everywhere, attacking anything that moves and several things that don't.  It's a bundle of energy, hopping around like a crazed, sharp-toothed bunny.  I know when it gets done killing cords and stuffed toys and bits of fluff on the floor or whatever, it's going to kill me next.

And people just don't get how dangerous having a monster around like this is.  They actually give some of my lovings to this thing, even when it attacks them.  The dogs don't even seem to mind it, even when it hisses and growls.  The other cats will growl when it comes too close, but otherwise, they don't seem to mind its presence.  Am I the only sane one around here?  What is the world coming to that they give it my food, allow it to eat my cheese and meat, and set it to romp around the house without getting rid of it?  They will even sometimes sleep with it in their room.  Aren't they afraid it will kill them in their sleep?  Where did this beast come from, and when is it going back?

Rubber Chicken!

Ruru the Cat here.  There I was, minding my business, when someone showed up with this monstrosity.  It may LOOK like a chicken, but it sure doesn't smell or taste like one.  It's this ugly thing that smells like rubber and make really LOUD noises.  I just don't get why I need one of these things in my house.  It's not only annoying, it's something far worse: it's INEDIBLE!  Why would anyone want a chicken they can't even eat?

But as bad as this is, I have a bigger nightmare to report next week.  It's just too unspeakable to mention by name.  My people must hate me.  Really.