Sunday, September 29, 2019

Plush Box Wars



[That dog has the nerve to sleep in her own bed.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Humph.  My people brought this really awesome thing in the house, and I haven't even gotten to touch it.  It's this plushy-looking box, the perfect spot for a cat to catch a snooze.  It maybe even is meant to be a bed.  It's even my size.  Here's the problem: everybody else, loves it, too.  Even worse, I think it's meant to be the dog's bed.  She's the one who is there most often. 

[It should be mine, I tell you.]  

Come on, people.  Something this wonderful should not be a gift for a dog.  Or even another cat.  But every time I look at it or decide I want to try it out, someone else is in it.  Sometimes, it's that dumb dog.  Sometimes, it is Cass.  I wouldn't mind catching Cass there.  She's afraid of me.  I can just chase her away. 

[Gah.  Now, I really can't use it.]  

But most often, it's Toothless or Maya.  I don't have the heart to chase away Toothless.  He's the one other cat in the house I like (other than me, of course).  But if it's Maya, she's mean.  She thinks she owns the house just because she's been here longer than anyone else.  Seriously?  It should be my bed.  But I haven't had the chance to so much as sit in it because everybody else seems to think it's theirs.  It's just not fair.  I'm the cute one. 




Sunday, September 22, 2019

Dogs=Insanity

[This does not make sense to me at all. She keeps doing this.]

Ruru the Cat here.  The dogs have been acting and--what's worse--smelling weird all week.  The nutty little girl dog has been chasing around the big(ger) boy dog this week.  She keeps shaking her tail in his face and jumping on him.  She even does the fanny shake to cats.  Then, the dogs'll play like puppies.  She keeps yelping anytime he walks away to hide from her.  I don't blame him.  All that weirdness would drive me nuts.

[The bath to get rid of the nasty smell.]

And the smell.  The SMELL.  It smells so nasty around here, so much like rank dog, that I just wanna chop off my nose.  I have no idea what's going on, but I wish it would stop.  It helped when my people gave her a bath but not much.  I was hoping the nuttiness would wash off, but it didn't work.  Usually, I disapprove of anyone getting a bath because it could rub off on me.  But this time, I would clap my hands if I had them.

[The almost-cute Dodger.]

The thing is needy to begin with.  I didn't quite understand why we needed ANY dog from the beginning.  But we had two.  And we seem to have a constant revolving door on the second one.  We've always had the dumb little throw rug, Dodger.  He's cutish in a DOG sort of way, if dogs could be said to be cute.  He's still here, but we always seemed to be getting a new second dog.

[My second or third mom, Daisy.]

When I was a kitten, we had this weeniehuahua, this bossy little smart dog whose job seemed to be to dump trash and steal stuff.  But she was good to me, so I didn't mind her.  She snuggles us kittens and watched over us to make sure no one hurt us.  I liked her.  It was funny the way she burrowed under blankets like she thought she was a rabbit or something.  But suddenly, my people gave her away because my person wanted a puppy instead of a little dog, who they said acted too much like a cat.  That's a double insult, comparing dogs to cats in any way and pretending that's a bad thing.

[Not a bad piece of doggie-shaped furniture)

Then, we got Harmoni.  She was okay.  Kind of insane in a puppy way.  Always busy.  But then my people started freaking out and crying and stuff about her.  I guess she died.  She was okay.  Kind of a bummer but not really because we were never close.

[Busy Izzy was HUGE]

When it sucked was when Harmoni was gone.  My people showed up with a giant mutt who seemed to think she was a lap dog.  Thing was all over the place, running around, drinking water out of the hose, eating everything and pooping everywhere.  What a NIGHTMARE!!!  That's what I call DOG with a capital D.  It was better than catnip when they gave her away.

[Twixie was okay for a dog.]

Then, they got Twixie.  He seemed to be shy and sweet at first, but then he started bullying everyone, chasing me around, and worse yet, eating all the dog food.

[Silly and in-your-face Cali]

It wasn't long before Cali showed up from somewhere. Still haven't figured out how to get rid of her because she chases me, too.  I could treat Twixie like furniture, but Cali won't be ignored.  I guess by the end, I didn't mind Twixie so much.

[Most obnoxious thing Snow does most of the time is let my person hold her.]

This little one, Snow, doesn't chase me around.  She's even smaller than me.  She doesn't seem to eat much of the food from the main dish, either.  She has her own dish.  So she's not stealing my back up food.  If it weren't for this sudden insanity and all the smells, I could almost pretend she wasn't here, which is exactly how I like dogs, next to invisible.  Now, if I can make her and Dodger the rest of the way invisible and wipe out doggie smells, my house would be the perfect feline paradise.  

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Keep Your Person to Yourself

[My person turning to the wrong cat for love.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My brother, Toothless, has been upset with me recently.  He seems to think it's my fault my person has developed an unhealthy obsession with holding the wrong cat.  She's supposed to be holding ME all the time, but she's started to hold HIM as he sulks and whines in her arms.  He's so whiny.  I mean my person is a great person.  He won't even give her a chance, just because she held him and loved him or three whole days then dumped him as soon as she found me.  As far as I'm concerned, that's a personally rational response.  Who'd want my brother when she could have me? 


                                  [My person showing love.  And a mean streak]                                             

But now, my person can't get enough of picking up and holding Toothless as he sulks and whines all because he DOES sulk and whine.  He's decided my person's MOM is the only human who should be allowed to exist.  And MY person isn't good enough for him.  I get liking his person.  I enjoy getting my ears rearranged by the best ear-rearranger in the whole house.  But my person is wonderful, great, so sweet.  So she has a bit of a mean streak. 

[Still the wrong person.]


Really mean!  NOT kidding!  I do NOT want to be held by the wrong person!  My person is the older one.  She loves me, and I love her.  Everyone else is a waste of space.  

[I'm Cali!  I should only be held by my mommy!]

Toothless is right!  She keeps grabbing me, too!  I don't want Ru's person to hold me.  

[Me, Snow, wanting to be back with my mommy.]

Me, too!  She keeps grabbing me!  It freaks me out!  

[Me, Maya, after the cursed bath giver]

Ru, keep your person to yourself.  Not kidding.  

Ru:  Who asked you, dogs?  

Maya: I'm not a dog.  

You're not me, so close enough.   You other four-leggers, stay away from my person!  I had no idea everyone was stealing the love and worship I should have.  It's just not fair. 

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Book all about Me!



[What you see] 

[What I see]

Ruru the Cat here.  Not that I care about books, really.  They're one of those person things that don't make a lot of sense to me.  My person has this book with these crinkly little pages on which I love to sharpen my claws.  Not sure why she gets upset and takes it away.  They're such weak little pages, and it gives me great satisfaction to shred them. 


[Evidence someone, at least, agrees the world revolves around me] 

I'm talking here about one book my person's mom has been working on all week.  It's all about me.  Because, you know, why shouldn't it be?  I'm the center of the universe.  Oh, and I guess my person is there, too. There were page after page of my awesomeness.  Not that books really excite me, especially those that show me dragged into the snow or put into a costume or ditched by my person or threatened with the bathtub... never mind.  Maybe I don't like that book so much after all.  Humans can be sneaky with their cruelty. 

Monday, September 2, 2019

The Wondrous Red Dot

[All hail the awesome dot!]

Ruru the Cat here.  I think I told you before, but I can't be sure.  There's a wonderful thing that showed up in my house this week.  I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it appears, zips around, and then disappears.  It is a bright dot.  I'm not so good with colors, but I think it's red.  I've seen Cali the Wonder Idiot chase it around, and I laughed.  But it appeared just for me, and I couldn't help but be just like her and chase it around.  And around.  And around.  It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.  

[Upstart cats think they can usurp my dot.]

The other cats in my house seem to think it's theirs, but they don't get it.  It's mine.  My red dot.  I will chase it everywhere.  And I will kill it.  No one can kill red dots like me.  I caught it and killed it again and again, but then, it reappeared.  I'm not sure how it can achieve such a wonder.  If I kill a mouse, it stays dead.  But I kill this red dot, and it's back again, just beyond my reach.  I don't understand it, but I love it.  If you've never known the joy of the red dot, you should get one for yourself and try it out.  But just know, even if you do, it's still mine.