Oh, jungle gym, sweet jungle gym

[My tree.  Mine]  

Ruru the Cat here.  A year ago and a year before that, we had this big green thing that smelled like plastic in my house.  It was supposed to resemble a tree, but it wasn't really one.  This year, it smells funky and is at least twice as fat.  Pretty sure it really is a tree.  In my house.  And I've claimed it.  It's mine.  Anyone who wants it has to get through me to get it. 

[Turn your back for one second, and someone else wants to claim your tree.]

Every other furry thing in the house wants to lay claim to this awesomeness that is my tree.  My person wants to lock me away in rooms to make it easy to find me later.  She doesn't seem to realize this keeps me away from my awesome tree in which I want to play all day and all night.  Other creatures think they can claim it.  For instance, in the picture above, the delusional Cassie thinks she can play with my tree.  I'll have to beat her later for daring to touch it.  The dogs keep playing under it.  The other cats just want to climb it.  But IT'S MY TREE!!!

[Then, it got even better.] 

I thought it was as awesome as a tree could get.  Huge.  Green.  Highly killable.  Then, the people put all sorts of shiny, bright baubles on it.  Dangly spangly things that I can stalk and maim.  My people must love me.  I think it's tree murdering time.  

Cactus Rat?!!!

[What in the...?]

Ruru the Cat here.  I thought my people had lost their minds when they allowed a dog in my house that looked like it had run fast into a wall and squished its nose, sounded like a snorting pig, and smelled like...well...a DOG.  Then, they did THIS.  They brought a cactus rat into my house. 

[My people have lost it.]

They've called this thing a bean, a prickle pickle, and a hedgehog. If you ask me, it doesn't look like a bean, a pickle, or a hog.  And hedgehogs, from the game my people play and shows my people watch, are blue.  It hisses, trembles, and sits around like some kind of prickly rock.  It SMELLS like an animal. It has a nose, eyes, and feet.  I know it poops.  It's alive.  But most of the time, it just looks like something totally inedible, though it smells like it could be prey. And they feed it MY food.  Food better than mine, in fact. Which they don't share with me.  Grrr. 

[Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?] 

I just don't get it.  Why bring in a rat with armor?  A rat without armor is fun, is killable, is fun.  I could spend hours of joyous time playing it to a slow and delightful demise.  But this thing?  I don't want to touch it.  Not sure why they do.  They say it's cute, but I'm the very definition of cute.  I KNOW cute. And if you have cats, why would you need anything else?  I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Humans don't make ANY sense. 

Monster in my house! Again!

[Yet another nasty beastie I DON'T want in my house!] 

Ruru the Cat here.  I seriously think my people hate me.  They must, or they wouldn't keep bringing stinking dogs in here.  I just get rid of one round of unnecessary, unwanted dogs (but then, I repeat myself), and another one shows up.  It's my house.  Mine.  A house for cats alone, and not even all cats.  Just me.  And my people.  Toothless can stay, but everyone else with fur and four legs should go.

But dogs are WAAAAAY worse than cats.  I kept hearing rumors that they were going to bring in another person to stay for a while.  They were setting up this camper, whatever that is, for this human to stay in.  Fine, whatever.  Not my problem.  But then, they brought the actual human to stay here while they set up her camper.  This STILL wouldn't have been my problem (I'm okay with an extra set of hands to pet me), except that this human came with a DOG.  The nasty dog above.  We all disappeared for the whole day, hoping against hope this was a one-day visit.  If it can't see us, we can't see it, can we?  And what you can't see is supposed to DISAPPEAR.  Then, another day came and went, and yet, the slobbery mutt remained, eating my dog food, messing with my dogs (can't believe I just said that) and drinking from my water dish.  Which part of my smells everywhere are unclear?  This is MY house.  Mine.  You can't have it.  I marked everything and everyone, ESPECIALLY the dog food. 

[The monster in my face now.  Worse than just my house.]

I've even caught my people turning traitor and petting that thing.  They thought it was funny to get the two of us together for the picture above.  There is NOTHING funny about sticking me in a dog's face, unless I'm allowed to shred the dog.  That would be hilarious.   And the thing is STILL HERE.  What's the deal?  I thought hiding would get my message across.  Now, I'm taking extreme measures by blogging.  If that doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do.  People are just dense.  Which part of MY HOUSE do you not understand.  Mine.  I think I need new people.  Ones who catch a hint.  That's it.  I'll give away mine and get a new batch.  Ones that behave by keeping dogs out. 

Person Heads

[What's this supposed to be, some funny-looking dog?  Thought we had enough of those around here.]

Ruru the Cat here.  People are strange.  This week, my people used those costume thingies they love to inflict on me on themselves.  They wore these big round things that I think were supposed to be animal heads on their own heads.  Wasn't very convincing because they didn't smell like anything other than people.  And they came home after wearing those things with piles of nasty-smelling stuff I think they call candy.  I heard someone say the word "Halloween," as if it was an important word, but it means nothing to me.

[Fake cat holding a real cat.  At least something's real around here.]

This is one of those strange things my person put on her own head.  I think it's supposed to be a cat, but I found it a bit ridiculous.  It's flattering that my person thinks I'm awesome enough to imitate.  Then again, it should be obvious cats are so cool that everyone would want to be just like us. 

[What the what?  No idea what this thing is supposed to be.]

Then again, if that's the case, why did my person's brother wear this one instead?  Not sure what it's supposed to be, but it does look a bit scary with those big teeth.  Just when I think I have these human-types figured out, they go and do something nutty that confuses me again.  Ah, well.  At least I don't have to be one, even if they wanna be me.