[The Worship I Deserve.]
Ruru the Cat here. So I haven't felt like blogging at all. I've had wayyy too important things to do like hide from big bully cats, chase my tail, and eat. So, I still don't feel like blogging today, so I'm turning it over to the lizard. Yeah, you say, why would you do that? Why not a higher life form like a dog or a cat? It's because what we've got around here are Pomeranians, which are lint on a leash and NOT a higher lifeform, and other cats, who clearly don't comprehend my greatness as the Queen of the Universe. So none of them DESERVE to touch my keyboard. Instead, here's Rory.
[An image of myself.]
Rory: Greetings, humans. Yea, verily, I am Rory, the Bearded Dragon. Heed my wisdom. I am a DRAGON, not some lizard. We dragons are much higher lifeforms than cats.
Ruru: Hey! I trusted you!
Rory: Yes, you did. Which makes you inferior and dim.
Ruru: I'll take my keyboard back!
[My Fortress and My Former Throne, which Has since Been Replaced.]
Rory: I would like to see you try. I sit on my throne, beholding much larger cats than you attempt to reach me, and they were no more capable than you would be. My glass forcefield protects me. Your threats are empty unto me. So, shush, and permit me a moment's peace.
Ruru: Puny dragon. Needing to be protected by a fishbowl.
Rory: 'Tis not a fishbowl but a mighty fortress, oh, mewling creature who seeks solace in a drawer of undergarments.
Ruru: Rude.
[How to Make Your Royal Dragon Feel Devalued]
Rory: I have merely not been provided for as would meet my needs and allow me to grow to a mighty stature. You do not understand nor comprehend true puniness, despite your own pathetic height for a feline. I am not currently puny but of insufficient size. My prior domicile lacked UVB entirely and only cockroaches for my nourishment. Cockroaches. I shudder at the dim memories of such condescension and ridicule. I grew little to naught back then. Puny, I was, indeed.
[One of My Needs: Baths. What I Do not Need: Feline Help for My Bath.]
Then, I came to this new home. The tall human fed me once a week and gave me only weak UVB light, only permitting me comfortable seating when he remembered. The bedding was practically nonexistent and most inadequate. It was like he didn't understand nor care that I had yearnings of the soul for more. Still, it was a vast improvement over cockroaches. However, when I tried to communicate with him, he did not even glance my way. He spoke to himself but not unto me. Most discouraging.
[Proper Lighting for My Neighbor and Fellow Reptile.]
Then, one day, the light shone again. The shorter juvenile took me in and provided for me proper lighting to help me grow and flourish. I was also given sufficient food, daily lettuce, crickets, or plump super worms. I appreciate my new abode in the shorter juvenile human's room because I feel the growth and the strength.
[Meeting My Needs: My New Throne and Hide.]
Better still, the humans here pay attention to my communications. If they have neglected my needs for far too long, 24 hours at least, I turn from my usual contented golden hues to a thunderstorm black and puff out my jowls. I then go hunting to make it clear my yearning soul has been neglected. Then, my magical bowl does fill itself with the goodness of leafy greens or plump, succulent worms, or best of all, I am removed to separate quarters wherein a veritable plethora of crickets leap before my might, and hunting time begins. Never am I so joyous.
[Stalking Me as I Stalk Prey.]
Alas, life cannot always be a nonstop wonder. Four felines in my room will frequently stalk me nonstop. They are filled with excitement to stalk me even as I stalk my prey. I cannot so much as sit in a person's hand, letting them administer to my beard as befits my station, without feeling the sensation of eyes beholding and seeking to prey upon my person. One cat, in particular, a one-eyed beast of sable and snowy contrasting fur, does find me of extended fascination. It is as if she wishes me to be her pet, but I would not seek to be touched by those paws with their sharp claws. On the whole, I am content. Now, Ru creature, you can take your keyboard back.
Ruru: Oh, the kindness. Grr. What a jerk. Show me to trust anyone to treat me with the worship I deserve.
[Cats Worship Me]
Rory: I do. None. That is the quantity of worship you merit. Learn from other felines and realize my own movements are worthy of worship.
Ruru: Lizard, you can shut it now. Teach me to trust anyone but me. 'Cuz I'm amazing. Never forget it.
