Mine!

[It's mine.  I got the cat tree first. Get off, Toothless.]

 Ruru the Cat here.  So we got this truly awesome new cat tree, and it's all mine.  You can't have it.  I don't care if I can only occupy that topmost branch to rule over the whole room at the same time. I like it, so no one else can have it. 

[Here's me exploring the rest of the cat tree.]

 I've explored the whole thing and found it all comfy, so it's MINE.  I like the soft, fuzzy ground.  I like the scratchable posts.  I love my perch at the top.  And there are two boxes that are just my size.  

[I see you there, Wren, thinking you're so sneaky. That's mine, too.]

Other cats will sneak into it while I'm not looking, but I will defend it 'til their dying breath.  It bugs me that other cats don't understand that they bought this for JUST ME.  

[Get off.  It's mine.]

And sometimes, they all try to rain on my parade at ONCE.  You just don't get it.  I don't care how many fluffy cat tails I have to kick off.  It's MINE.  

Scary Places

[My best buddy and my happy blanket]

Varya:  Hi.  I'm Varya. Ru said I could write in her blog. She even showed me how.  I think it's 'cuz she didn't wanna.  I went to two scary places with lots of smells.  I like smells, but not these. I like all the cats and dogs in my house because they're all my best friends.  Especially Wren and Phoenix.  They're AMAZING 'cuz they'll play with me and let me snuggle them.  

[How it feels to be outside a warm, fuzzy blanket; source]

My people put me in a box.  It wasn't so bad.  It smelled familiar, like me.  But then, they took me OUTSIDE.  That's scary because I've never lived there before.  It was cold.  I don't like cold.  I like to burrow under a blanket when it's cold.  I don't LIKE cold.  

[What a weird, smelly, loud box looks like: source]

Then, they put my little box in a weird-smelling big box with smells and loud sounds I didn't like at all.  I couldn't see much outside my little box.  Then, they took me into a big building and LEFT me there.  They left me.  With all those smells.  The people there did stuff to me, and I'm pretty sure I went to sleep.  When I woke up, I didn't feel good at all, and my belly was naked and had a painful line up the middle.  I was so happy to get home.  I just slept on my people all day.  

[Wow, Ru knows EVERYTHING.]

Ru: Yeah, kid, we've all been through it.  It's called getting fixed.  It doesn't make sense because we're not broken before, but we sure feel broken after.  I can't explain it.  It just sucks.  I hope it doesn't happen to me again.  

[I don't like it; source]

Varya: Huh.  Weird.  Then, the next day, I got dragged off in the box again, back into the bigger box with loud sounds and lots of smells.  Then, they took me to ANOTHER building.  I was so worried they'd leave me there.  But strangers poked and prodded me and stuck me with something.  Then, my people left with me.  I felt so much better when I got home. 

Ru: I hear you, kid.  Yeah, that's the vet.  People just periodically get the random idea we want to go there and get stuck with needles.  I don't get it.  I think it's just because humans are sick and twisted.  

[I like bouncing off EVERYTHING.]

Varya: Man, I hope none of that ever happens again.  Now, I'm feeling better.  I want to bounce off everything and kill everything in sight. I'm so happy I'm home.  

Ru: Makes one of us.  

Everybody Likes Her (not me)

[That annoying kitten wins everyone over.]

Ruru the Cat here. Bugs me. That new kitten has made friends (or at least peace) with every warm-blooded thing in my house.  She's got all the humans wrapped around her tiny, little paw. Even MY person, whose room I ignore because it's too full of other cats. 

[Wren's a pushover, snuggling her like that.]

Varya first aggressively pursued being best buds with the annoyance called Wren.  He fell for her charms pretty quickly.  He gets anywhere near me, and I'd kill him. I tell him that regularly. 

[The boys fell pretty quickly to her charms, even my dumb brother.]

Then, Varya snuggled up to and played with the two big, black males.  They're everyone's best friend, so that's not too hard to achieve.  I tolerate my brother, Toothless, though I'll happily push him out of his spot if it's the one I want.  But if that huge Casper aka Dude gets anywhere near me, I tell him where he can stick it.  

[Phoenix and Wren don't reject her. Seriously.]

Varya worked double-time to win over Phoenix, the one-eyed wonder.  That was a tough one because Phoenix wanted her dead.  She kept acting shocked that there was a kitten in her spot.  Yeah, I used to lick Phoenix's ears, but not anymore.  She's getting too big and scary.  I mostly ignore her and hope she'll go away.  

[The enigmatic Paige, letting the kitten eat first.]

Same thing with Paige, though that huge, silent beast (who was my first kitten) now never leaves the room I never enter.  They aren't best friends, but Paige will let Varya eat the food first.  If Paige gets anywhere near me, I run the other way.  

[Grumpy Maya even puts up with her.]

Even grumpy old lady Maya, who will hiss and growl at me and chase me around, will ignore her while they both lay on the same person at the same time.  I can't stand Maya.  

[Me inviting her to leave.]

I've licked Varya's ears to remind her who's boss and will tolerate her presence because I'm nice.  I just won't let her share my cat tree if I can help it.  

[2 funny-looking parrots crammed on one shoulder.]

Even the dogs think she's amazing.  Bean plays with her all the time, though I think it's often to remind the kitten to stay away from his human. Varya doesn't understand that at all and thinks they're best friends. The dogs are all loud and annoying, but I let them live. 

[Look at me.  I'm beautiful and charming. Who needs anyone else?]

See, everyone likes her but not me.  I don't understand it at all.  I guess it could be because I can't stand them and don't hesitate to remind them all the time.  What does she have that I don't? 

Crappy Morning

 

[The face of one of the criminals who stole my room.]

Ruru the Cat here.  So you know that I got banished from my room because the kittens took it over.  It was my room, and I liked it.  But all these other cats in there made it undesirable.  I like to be alone.  Sometimes, I didn't even want my person in there.  Four kittens, some of them bigger than me in and out of my room all the time?  I don't think so.  

[The only cat who should be allowed in my room, any time.]

So then, I adopted my person's mom's room.  It's mostly quiet.  When people do come in, it's usually to worship me properly.  I do get a little thirsty and hungry in there, but I choose my isolation.  I can always eat and drink later.  I like it.  

[Such a bully. Both of them, but one of them picked on me.]

But this morning, the bigger cats were picking on me.  I don't know what I did to deserve it (other than slap at them and hiss at them when they were kittens).  You see, I'm so innocent and sweet.  To humans.  Anyway, so they were picking on me, even though I'd done nothing wrong.  I spent all morning long from the time it was dark howling outside my room. The dogs are allowed in there. Why can't I be? I even snuck in there once, running across my person's sleeping mom.  

[What does it take to get peace and quiet around here?]

Strange to say I was not welcomed with open arms.  It's my room.  Just because they wanted to sleep in it because it was night does not make it any less mine.  Even after they came out and chased me away, I came back to insist I be let in that room.  When they came rampaging out of there with murder on their faces that last time, I finally decided I could be patient.  Fine.  I guess it's just my room during the daytime.  It's not fair.  Big 'ol Paige gets to stay where she wants all night long now.  Why can't I?  

No fair! Last week part 2

[The jerk who started it all]  

Ruru the Cat here.  I can't believe I got sick, too.  I don't even hang out with that jerk, Dude.  He's always chasing me around and trying to steal my stuff.  And he's twice my size, so it's hard to stand up to him, even though I was here first.  I wouldn't let his sneezes get on me.  So it wasn't him.  

[Little social jerk making the rounds with his sneeze fountain.]

But he did give it to Wren, who went to every spot cats may hang out and, just to be a little monster, sneezed on everybody.  He was a sprinkler system in one dumb cat.  All over my lovely tree, all over the food, everywhere.  So, of course, I got sick.  I only sneezed like 10 times, but still, it sucked.  

[Here he is, sharing it with One-eyed Wonder Kitten.]

Then, he snuggled little Phoenix, one of the kittens I still treat as okay because she has the good grace to not outgrow me.  But she got it so bad she was throwing up.  They had to take her to that nasty vet place, too, so she could stop throwing up.  She still did it, and it was gross.  All that food wasted.  

[Poor huge kitten needs comfort because of stupid Wren making her sick.]

And he sneezed all over my first kitten, Paige.  She even hides out all day, every day under my person's bed.  Our person calls her a cryptid because we scarcely ever see her.  But Wren goes down there and snuggles her.  And sneezes all over her.  So now, she's one of the sneeziest of us all.  

[He wasn't happy 'til everyone got it.]

Even my new little kitten I adopted got it.  Her sneezes sound like someone's chewing on a squeaky dog toy.  It's adorable.  But I have to say it was pretty rude of Wren to share it with everyone.  

[The last man standing.]

Except my brother, Chonk. (And Maya, but nobody likes her.)  I don't get it.  It's just not fair that the one cat that hangs out with everybody didn't get sick at all.  I think I'll go sneeze on him.  

Vacuum's busted

[Big Dude doesn't feel good.

Ruru the Cat here.  I saw the strangest thing this week.  See, we have this vacuum masquerading as a cat.  Big Dude will vacuum up any cat food or any food remaining in a dish for longer than two seconds.  He'll politely wait until you vacate or maybe just loom over you because he's so stinking big and then slurp up the food you really meant to save for later.  I mean me.  I meant to save it for later, but Dude was there to slurp it up. 

[He's not even eating HIS food this week. But he doesn't let me steal it.]

Well, this week, his eye got all goopy, and he started wheezing all over the place.  And he'd just sit, staring at the food.  The food I meant to save for later stayed in its spot.  It was weird.  That alone would tell me our vacuum is busted, which doesn't hurt my feelings at all. Oh, and I guess he had a red, bulgy eye. Some of the people types even wondered if I'd beaten him up.  Tempting, but it did NOT happen.  Have you seen how big he is? 

[Nasty place: The vet's]

But the humans felt the need to rush him to that dread place called the vet's.  I'm not sure what all goes on there, but whatever it is, it's BAD.  Nobody likes that place.  Don't know why they even have it. Well, I'll let Dude tell you about it because I don't even want to THINK about it.  

[The abandoned dish.]

Dude: Man, I felt like total crap all week. I hate not being hungry. But it totally sucked when they dragged me off in some dumb box that smelled like someone else. I was hauled into this dumb smelly place.  I hated it. They poked me and stuff, and now, they tackle me and stick nasty goop in my eye that makes it sting.  It sucks.  

[Me chilling with the black cat I actually like.]

Ru: Well, that didn't tell me anything I don't already know.  You're not much of a writer, are you, Dude?  Anyway, it is pretty funny to watch the people tackle him and put stuff in his eye.  And it's great I get to keep my food to myself.  So it's not all bad.  

Dude: Speak for yourself. 

Ru: I always do.  

A Few of My Favorite Things

[The tiny elephant in the room I'm ignoring.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I'm done complaining about that annoying kitten.  There's nothing I can do about the fact that my people are absolute cat addicts and just don't know how to worship only the most important one, me.  I mean, if they knew how to worship me properly, they definitely wouldn't think they needed other cats or dogs.  They'd still give me their food but without the annoyance of the actual dogs or other cats.  

[Everybody is my buddy!]

Varya: I like dogs and cats! Except the grouchy old lady. 

[One of those dumb fake mice]

Ruru: Ignoring that. Except you're right about Maya. Anyway, so, I decided to be super positive this time.  Mostly because Toothless keeps teasing me about my justifiable complaints.  I'm going to talk about all the things I love.  Like chasing mice. Not the toys like stupid Megachonk, aka Dude, likes so much he can't get enough of chasing them around then acts like he doesn't when someone looks at him.  Not those.  REAL mice.  They're amazing. 

[My first real mouse!]

Varya: I like mice, too.  Someone handed me one this week!  It was great! 

Ruru: This is my blog about me, not you.  I'm trying to be all chipper and stuff, so you stay out of it.  Besides, you only ever played with a pre-dead one. That's as much your mouse as silly Wren's when it was ATTACHED to the trap. You don't know real mice.  I also like dog food and Meow Mix, not just any old kibble.  The stuff in the yellow bag.  

Varya:  I like that stuff, too!  And I'll claw the crap out of anyone who holds chicken and bread and other yummies from me!

[Me ignoring the thing that steals my food.]

Ruru:  Hey, that's my line!  And my bread!  And my chicken.  And my blog.  Who are you kidding?  You'll eat anything like a piranha in fur.  

[My cat tree!]

Varya: And I like the cat tree!  It's so great!  

Ruru:  That's MY cat tree!  It's my safe space to chase my tail and hide from Maya.  It's not YOUR cat tree.  And this is not YOUR blog, so can you stop already? 

[My spot!]

Varya: And I really like the underwear drawer and the people's bedroom.  They're both so great and so comfy and safe! 

Ruru:  But they were mine first!  Seriously, kid, I thought I liked you.  This was my house first.  Mine.  The people here are just borrowing it from me.  Seriously.  

Varya:  This blogging stuff is fun.  When can we do it again? 

Ruru: ARGH!