Too Peopley

 

[How life should be--me and one person to spoil me.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Most days are pretty quiet.  I like those days.  Sometimes I have to beat on other cats, or Maya acts like a bully and a jerk to me.  No, Mr. Meow Meow, that does not mean I'm a bully like Maya.  I'm a lot nicer than she is, and I'll swat your butt if you tell them otherwise.  Anyway, so I can usually get the love and affection I want.  It's quiet and peaceful.  I approve, except when the dogs steal my dog food, or the cats get in my face.  

[What a mess looks like--too many humans with large feet to step on cats.  Source.]

Well, today, there was a mob scene with too many people, some of whom actually tried to TOUCH me. And no one even consulted with me.  People said words like, "Happy Thanksgiving" and whatever human drivel, but they didn't ask me.  I'll let them live because they offered me turkey and cheese.  But seriously.  This is my house.  When I want people in it, I'll tell you.  But since I don't know how to speak, you'll be waiting a VERY long time.  

Tolerating My Brother

 

[Me and my tolerable brother.]

Ruru the Cat here.  With so much craziness going on in the world around me, I decided to give my brother a chance to show me he wasn't a horrible monster.  You know how brothers are.  I just got used to thinking of him as just another cat.  He gets on my nerves as much as any other cat. But recently, I've figured out he's semi-tolerable.  That's high praise for a brother.  We've snuggled some and even groomed each other.  Aren't I nice?  Maybe it was just a bout of insanity that I'd let him snuggle me.  

[Brothers are overrated.]

'Cuz the next time I tried, he attacked me.  I wasn't sure if he was being mean or trying to play.  I get that enough from the other cats around me.  Sometimes, I wish I could talk to the other cats like people do.  Then again, they'd talk back.  And I'd have to listen.  Teach me to want to be a human, even a little, or to tolerate my brother.  I just have to remind myself I'm queen of my house, queen of the world.  'Cuz I'm a cat.  

The Cone of Shame

[The kid and me.]

Paige:  hi.  im paige.  im a kitten, but im getting bigger.  i am gonna be a big cat soon.  

Ru:  Yes, little one, but don't be in such a hurry to grow up.  I don't mind you as a kitten.  But you still have to learn how to capitalize and use apostrophes.   

[I don't like the blue thing.]

Paige:  i don't know what that means.  so ru wanted me to tell you about this week.  i went somewhere in a cage, and they poked me and everything went black.  when i woke up, i didnt feel too good.  i was sleepy and couldt walk straight.  they put me in a blue thing.  

Ru:  That's called the cone of shame.  It made you look ridiculous.  I hear it's because they had you "fixed," whatever that means.  We've all been through it.  Seems to be just one of those cruel human things.  Maybe they delight in torturing cats. 

[I nearly fell off the bed.  It was scary.]

Paige: it wasnt fun.  i couldnt see very well.  i kept trying to back out of it but i couldt.  i almost fell off the bed.  

Ru: That was the really funny part.  It was hilarious.  She was just floppy, unlike Mr. MeowMeow, who fought like a demon to get free.  

[No more torture!]

Paige:  finally, i got out of the blue thing.  but they put me in the cage to sleep.  it was boring so i slept.  when i woke up the next morning i felt way better.  but my tummy was naked.  all my beautiful, fluffy fur was gone.  i didnt have the blue thing, so i could clean the little line there i didnt have before.  i feel pretty good now.  

Ru:  Yeah, remember that torture bit?  They leave us shaven and with weird slits in us.  It makes you wonder what they steal from us. I found myself irrationally upset to find they did this to my baby, too.  Seriously, humans, do you not see something wrong with this?  That's why I hang out with cats.  Except most of them, who I don't like.  Okay, maybe I like humans.  I just don't like it when they torture us.  

Where's my mommy?

 

[Happy Cali with her person]

Ruru the Cat here.  So for what felt like forever, we had this big, smelly, farty dog here.  Her name was Cali.  I was not her biggest fan.  She liked cats maybe a little too much.  She'd snurfle our litter boxes for treats and would steal our extra food and had the gall to eat her own dog food.  The nerve. I'm supposed to be able to steal that.  She moved into our basement with her person and made it hard to hide away.  She wanted to snuggle or play with us.  She was, you know, a DOG.  And she's thankfully been gone a year with only one brief visit between.  Anyway, I got an email from her recently, and I'm not sure how to respond: 

[Cali unhappy because she's being held by the wrong person-My person]

Deer cat and dog frends,

My momy is gone.  I dunno where.  She was heer and acting sik.  I was sad.  But then peeple I did'nt no came in a took her away with lowd noyses and flashing lites.  And she's gone.  She has'nt come bak.  Do you kno where she went?  

Luv, 

Cali.  

[Poor Cali.  Sad and alone.]

Ruru again.  Wow, that's a sad letter.  Sad because Cali doesn't know how to spell and sadder because I think I know the answer.   I don't have the heart to tell her I heard her "Mommy" got really sick, went to the hospital, and died.  It's something called a panda demic or something.  Ir's all anyone can talk about, though I don't get what it is.  All I know is it's bad.  My people were boohooing about her person a while ago.  It made me sad, too.  Cali's mommy was nice to all of us.  Sorry, Cali.  Not sure what to say except I think it's time to take another nap and hope all of this goes away.  

Mr. MeowMeow Triumphant

 

[The things floating near the ceiling.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Last week's blog depressed me so much I forgot to post it.  This is this week's blog.  Once again, there was a loss, but it actually made me laugh.  All week long, silly Mr. MeowMeow has been eyeing this silver thing that floats near the ceiling.  I think they call it a balloon.  I've only ever seen one a couple of times.  

[He's stalking the balloon but not letting me play]

He kept playing with the string attached, even eating pieces.  He'd let Paige play with it a little, he wouldn't let anybody else touch it.  He wanted to be the one to kill it.  It didn't interest me much, but it made me laugh watching him stalk it because it was all the way up there.  Cats like high up places, but this was ridiculous.  

[Not long before he got it.]

Well, all week, he'd try to get it closer.  He'd climb up higher to get closer to it.  Finally, he got it, and it made this loud pop and then a whooshing sound.  He about jumped out of his skin.  He ran for the hills.  It was hilarious.  I've rarely seen anything that funny.  

[Prey in front of predator.  Not a mouse.]

Then, he and Paige came out and started patting at it to make sure it wouldn't pop anymore.  I was curious, too, but not curious enough to start a fight.  they spent the rest of the day playing with it like it was some kind of dead mouse.  Of course, it wasn't really a dead mouse, or I would have stolen it and killed it some more.  As it was, he looked so triumphant.  I'll have to tell him later he didn't kill anything.  It was never alive.  Silly non-mouser.  One of these days, I'll have to teach him how to really hunt.  But not today.  Today, I'm taking a nap.  

My Little Friend

[Ru and me!]  

Bean: Hi.  I'm Bean the boy puppy.  Ruru said I could write her blog this week.   I like Ruru.  She will sometimes even sit by me or share my dog food with me.  She wants me to talk about this.  I'm not sure why.  She keeps saying she hates kittens.  But I keep seeing her be nice to Paige and Mr. MeowMeow, and she hasn't even killed the little ones, even though she calls them rats.  

 

[A kitten and me]

Not sure why.  I like those kittens.  They'll snuggle me and play with me.  Kittens make me happy except when they try to find food on me.  I'm not sure where I'd be hiding any food.  

Ru: They think you're the mama cat who can give them milk.  

Bean: Milk?  Ruru, I don't even have any milk.  Where would I put milk?  I like milk,  It's yummy.  Can you get me some milk? 

Ru: Never mind.  Tell them about the thing that happened.  

[Batman when we first got him]

Bean: Well, that little kitten, Batman, stopped moving around very much.  He stopped eating and started stumbling all over when he tried to move at all.  The people around here said when they took him somewhere that he fell in his water and couldn't push out.  My person mommy had to save him.  I didn't get what was going on.  

Ru: And that's a surprise how?  

[Snuggling him didn't fix it.  I don't get it. Snuggling fixes everything.]

Bean: Huh?  Anyway, so then, our people came back looking sad.  They said words like "vet" and "Feline Parvo," but it didn't make any sense to me.  I just saw that poor kitten who snuggled and played with me and shared his food with me got weaker and weaker and sicker and sicker until he stopped moving.  All in one day. 

[Getting him wet didn't break him, did it?]

He was fine one day, playing with my tail and my feet and looking for food, and then, he stopped moving and was all floppy.  My person mommy started crying and crying, but I don't know why.  Did he go to sleep, Ruru?  They took him out and didn't bring him back. 

Ru: No, little Bean, he's not asleep, and he's not coming back.  He died.  

Bean: What does that mean?  

Ru: Ask your person mommy, silly dog.    

[Ru looks sad here I think, but it's hard to tell.]

Bean: Ruru, you look sad.  I thought you didn't like kittens. It makes me sad to think my little buddy, Batman, might not come back.  Are you sure he's not coming back?  Ruru?  She walked away.  Well, that's the sad thing that happened this week.  

Déjà Mew

[3 little kittens lost their right to be in my house.]

Again? This is Ruru the Cat, and I'm seriously thinking of moving.  My people must hate me.  Not kidding.  I was sure after my person brought home not one but FIVE kittens earlier this summer (one all by himself and then four calicos in a set), she had learned her lesson.  Five.  In my house.  MY house.  And the humans smartened up and got rid of three of them.  But two of them are still here, eating my dog food that I steal fair and square and sleeping in my cat tree.  

[Don't mess with my babies.]

Granted, they're now MY kittens.  I've claimed them.  I play with them, clean them sometimes, and even let them borrow my food.  I like them because they know I'm awesome.  And because of them, our people got rid of some obnoxious cats that were the bane to my existence.  

[The new beasts.  Even Paige can't stand them.]

But now, my people have gone too far, much much too far.  They brought home three MORE kittens.  And no one even asked me!  They smell and look kind of like the first set, like they came from the same place.  It wasn't here.  I promise that because other than my youngest kitten, Paige, we've all been "fixed," which I think means broken.  I don't get it except I hear it means we don't produce kittens.  Not sure why anyone would want to produce little crazy monsters like that who seem to see my lovely tail as a fair target, almost like a mouse.  Go kill a mouse and leave my tail alone.  Except then, they'd be preying on my mice as well as eating the food I could be eating.  

[Kittens: who needs 'em?]

I just don't get what humans see in baby anything, particularly baby kittens.  The very word sends chills down my spine.  The only thing that makes them redeemable is they grow up to be cats.  Then again, I don't like cats, either.  Except my babies.  As long as they don't get in my face or eat my food.  Humans need to learn this is my house, my rules.  And rule number one is no more kittens.