The Cone of Shame

[The kid and me.]

Paige:  hi.  im paige.  im a kitten, but im getting bigger.  i am gonna be a big cat soon.  

Ru:  Yes, little one, but don't be in such a hurry to grow up.  I don't mind you as a kitten.  But you still have to learn how to capitalize and use apostrophes.   

[I don't like the blue thing.]

Paige:  i don't know what that means.  so ru wanted me to tell you about this week.  i went somewhere in a cage, and they poked me and everything went black.  when i woke up, i didnt feel too good.  i was sleepy and couldt walk straight.  they put me in a blue thing.  

Ru:  That's called the cone of shame.  It made you look ridiculous.  I hear it's because they had you "fixed," whatever that means.  We've all been through it.  Seems to be just one of those cruel human things.  Maybe they delight in torturing cats. 

[I nearly fell off the bed.  It was scary.]

Paige: it wasnt fun.  i couldnt see very well.  i kept trying to back out of it but i couldt.  i almost fell off the bed.  

Ru: That was the really funny part.  It was hilarious.  She was just floppy, unlike Mr. MeowMeow, who fought like a demon to get free.  

[No more torture!]

Paige:  finally, i got out of the blue thing.  but they put me in the cage to sleep.  it was boring so i slept.  when i woke up the next morning i felt way better.  but my tummy was naked.  all my beautiful, fluffy fur was gone.  i didnt have the blue thing, so i could clean the little line there i didnt have before.  i feel pretty good now.  

Ru:  Yeah, remember that torture bit?  They leave us shaven and with weird slits in us.  It makes you wonder what they steal from us. I found myself irrationally upset to find they did this to my baby, too.  Seriously, humans, do you not see something wrong with this?  That's why I hang out with cats.  Except most of them, who I don't like.  Okay, maybe I like humans.  I just don't like it when they torture us.