Water Water Everywhere

[Me and my kitten]

Ruru the Cat here.  So since I finally have a houseful of cats who like me (okay,  Toothless, all cats except Maya.  But no one pays attention to her, anyway), I thought I could get everyone's opinion on how to properly drink water.  I figured if I do this, I can actually get the right opinion.  Now, I remind everyone here to give me your full and honest opinion, as long as it's the right one.  What kind of water drinking is best?  

[my silly brother in the sink]

Toothless:  Water dripping out of the tap is the only way to drink water.  Except when I can steal from my person's water cup.  But mostly, it's all about sitting in the sink and waiting for the humans to get a clue.  I don't care if I get wet as long as I get my water.  Water sitting there in a bowl?  Not for me.  

Me:  Seriously?  Are you really my brother?  Nope, that's not right.  Cats DON'T get wet. 

Maya:  I don't care.  I'll take whatever water I can get.  If it's water in a dish, I'll take it.  

Me:  Not even.  What is wrong with you?  Right.  You don't like me.  Shows a total lack of taste.  

[My icky little boy kitty sticking out of the toilet.]

Mr. MeowMeow:  It's all about that toilet water.  I'll take other kinds of water, but the toilet water is constantly refreshed and has interesting flavors.  

Ruru:  Just ew.  What are you?  A dog?  I thought I liked you.  I'm going to go lick myself now.  

[My kitten sticking out of the cats' water dish, but she'll take the dogs' as easily.]

Paige:  i like the dog dishes.  they're clean and easy to reach.  i like the dogs.  they're my friends.  they let me drink most of the time.  sometimes, they bark at me and chase me away.  mostly, it works.  if not, i'll take the cats' water.  

Me:  Whoa, playing with fire, little one.  One of these days, you'll figure out how to capitalize.  And that you can do better than dog water.  And better still than cats' water that's been just sitting around.  

[Me, seeking the dregs of person soup.]

Man, I was sure my little proteges or my brother or somebody would have this figured out.  No, the best kind of water is in the bathtub, a warm bathtub with a person inside.  It's called person soup.  There's nothing better than that warm, yummy water.  

Paige:  that sounds yucky.  

Ruru:  Hush, child.  You'll understand when you're older.  

Maya:  I'm much older, and I still don't get it.  

Ruru:  Much MUCH older  I guess you can get old without getting it.  People soup.  Try it.  

Another One?

[too many dogs]

 Ruru the Cat here.  I already tolerate the three dogs here.  They're small, some even shorter than me, so they're easy to ignore.  Okay, sort of easy.  They bark anytime someone comes to the door or even opens any kind of door anywhere in the house or SOUNDS like they may be knocking.  So they're small and not bright.  And Bean, the puppy, barks at cats and chases them around a little when they won't play with him.  And now he can't tell all the Halloween cats apart, he tries to play with all of them because the littlest one is his best friend.  The older two don't like the way that crazy little puppy keeps nipping at them.  

[The boring dog.]

Well, not long ago, my humans showed up with ANOTHER dog.  Seriously.  I'm not kidding.  Do dogs grow on trees or something that my people keep bringing home more?  It was a little gray thing, kind of boring actually.  Followed my human's mom around a lot or got hauled around by her.  I really don't see what any humans would see in this little thing.  She wasn't even ambitious enough to steal my dog food.  

[I disapprove of this thing in my house.]

I didn't like it from the start.  Not that that lasted long.  Within 24 hours, she was gone again.  I guess she went to my person's grandma's house.  She was supposed to be her grandpa's dog, but she fell in love with her grandpa instead.  So back she came.  I had to put up with this new dog for 24 MORE hours.  

[A fate worse than death:  Puppies!]

Well, they finally sent her away to live with more obnoxious dogs, including Bean's little sister.  None of it makes sense to me.  I don't think anybody is bad enough to deserve a puppy.  And though she's boring, I don't think that boring, gray dog, Tia, deserves this.  Old people are just boring.  I lived with them for a week.  They make Tia seem exciting by comparison.  But a puppy?  How much do these humans hate that little dog that they'd send her to live with a puppy?  Not that I'm volunteering to get her back.  One dog is too many dogs.  Three drive me nuts.  Four is enough to make anyone insane.  Even a cat.  

Get ready for Disappointment

[Hi, this is me!]

Me: Hi.  I'm Mr. Meowmeow aka Quill.  Ruru thought I'd like to borrow her blog this week, probably mostly because she's not in the mood to write.  I think she's grumpy because our person has been spending more time with Paige, my best buddy.  I'm okay with it, but Ruru is kind of bitter since she's used to being the star.  

Ru: Hey!  Just because I let you borrow my blog does NOT mean you get to make fun of me.  

Me: Ruru, you loaned me your blog.  That means it's my turn, so I get to say whatever I want.  

Ru: Teach me to be nice.  

Me: Yeah, we'd like to, but you don't want to learn.  

Ru: Hey!  

'

[We're 2/4 black cats in the house--Ru's the weirdo]

Me: Anyway, so Ruru thought I'd like to write this time.  She made some kind of snarky comment about it being close to Halloween and me being yet another Halloween cat, but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.  I'm not even sure what Halloween is, let alone what a Halloween cat is.  Maybe it's because there are three of us who are just basic black cats, but it's hard to say.  I think she's just mocking me.  

[just another day]

Me: What she really wants me to talk about is how I got what people called "fixed" recently.  I didn't feel broken, so I'm not sure what fixed even means.  But our people took me into this big building, lots bigger than our house, where they put some kind of mask on me.  I'm pretty sure I fell asleep.  When I woke up, something was different.  I was feeling groggy and in pain.  But then, my people took me home, and I was fine.  Except when they tried to put the blue cone on my neck.  I fought hard, so they backed off.  Ru was all set to mock me.  Too bad for her. 

[My buddy, Bean.]

Me: I was ready to go and kill my buddy, Paige, and my other buddy, Bean the puppy.  It was a little weird, but it really wasn't a big deal.  I'm not sure why Ru thought it would be anything special to talk about.  

Ru: Really?  That's it?  I, Ruru, sacrificed my blog and my dignity to hear nothing?  Man, you're such a disappointment.  

Me: Likewise, I'm sure.  

Ru: Hey!  

Me: Bye bye.  Mr. Meowmeow out.  

I Hear Jaws Music

[Peace and harmony--notice how I'm letting Paige bask in my light]

Ruru the Cat here.  Just when things were calming down, and all of us cat-types were getting along (except that evil Maya, who has it in for me just because I'm the superior cat), a scary thing has crept back into our lives.  

[Flashbacks to the horrors of toddlers.]

I thought toddlers were bad.  Really really bad.  Grab my fur and mess with my dog food bad.  Throw stuff at fluffy friends and mess with our toys bad.  That's bad.  But it turns out bigger small humans can be worse.  Remember that female child that showed up at the same time as the toddlers last time?  Yeah, she's back.  I keep looking for toddlers to follow her around.  They haven't shown up yet.  

[Note the presumptuous hand, thinking it has permission to touch me.]

Not only is she back, but she's been cornering me and trying to PET me.  Repeatedly.  She's been trying to PLAY with me.  Can you believe the nerve of such a monster?  I did not give her permission!  I was, in fact, hiding under that weird structure that seems to have no purpose but to entertain kittens.  Except now, it provides shelter since my usual hidey-hole is gone.  And when it was clear I didn't want to be played with or touched, she did it anyway!  The horror!  Are you shocked yet?

 

[I like the little girl.  She's nice.] 

um...ruru?  this is paige.  i just wanted to say i really like that little girl.  she comes and hugs me and pets me and plays with me.  she's so sweet.  i want her to come all the time.  

[No touchy.]

Shows what you know, little one.  Last week, I thought you were really getting it.  A human is supposed to only touch us and play with us with our catly permission.  To do otherwise is presumptuous and shows how humans think they're in charge.  Besides, if you don't capitalize anything else, at least capitalize my name 'cuz we all know I'm the center of the world.  I am, after all, a cat, which makes everything I do amazing. 

but i'm a kitten.  i'm amazing, too, right?  

You're a kitten.  That's different. 

The Joys of Wearing Nothing

[It's me!]

hi.  i'm paige.  i'm a kitten.  ruru said i could use her blog because she's nice and wonderful and sweet.  

Lay it on thick, kid.  I'm being nice here.  

yes, you are.  you're super nice.  you're like my mommy.  

You mean the mommy that ditched you after a month?  I wouldn't go that far.  I'm like the big sister who kind of tolerates you when I'm in a really good mood.  Like now.  I'm in a good mood now, but don't push it.  You were saying about this week? 

[The bad thing on me.]

a weird thing happened this week.  

Call it what it is, kid.  It was bad.  Our human did a bad, bad thing.   She pulled it on me, so I know it was nasty and unpleasant.   

well, i didn't like it.  and i like everything.  especially food.  i really like food.  i like dog food and cat food and person food.  especially cheese and meat and bread.  

Yes, we all know that stuff is great, but stick with the topic, kid.  We're talking about nasty clothing.  Human clothing.  Just ew.  

[I feel your pain, kid.]

my person put me in clothing.  i think it was clothing for a little, plastic person that won't play with me.  

They're called dolls, and they don't make any more sense than anything else humans do.  Why make a plastic version of yourself to play with when you can kill mice and anything else that moves?  Humans are strange.  

the clothes were tight and squeezy and smelled funny.  i didn't like it.  i like to run around with my soft and fluffy fur out so anyone can pet it.  

[Me getting the right kind of worship]

What do you know?  There's something we can agree on.  Except everyone should be petting me.  You should be a second choice if I don't feel like being around people.  Because we all know how nice I am.  

super dooper nice.  the nicest cat on the planet.  

Yeah, that.  Now, bugger off, kid, so I can take a nap.  

School?

[The nasty thing comes]

 Ruru the Cat here.  I know the script.  Every fall, my person disappears into this terrible place called [scary music] SCHOOL!  It eats her alive every single day (except two random days put together) then spits her out exhausted and without any energy.  I don't know what they do there, but whatever it is must be horrible.  Torture?  A whole day without cats?  Oh, wait.  I repeat myself. 

[My human where she belongs...in jammies and with me.]

But this time, it was a little different.  She was gone for a day, dressed up in something other than jammies, so I knew that nasty S-word was back again.  But then, she was back, hanging out with me again the next day.  Then a day later, she was gone again.  Then, the next day, she was back.  Those days she was with me, she stared at a computer, but that's nothing new. 

[The center of the world.]

I just don't get this weirdness.  I'm good with it because why would a human leave the house for that nasty school stuff when you've got a cat to love?  We are, after all, the center of the world.  I wonder if they forgot they were supposed to do this nasty school business every day.  Humans are strange that way.  They forget the things they used to think were important.  Forget away, humans, if it means I get my person here most days.  Some stuff about humans (like their forgetfulness, their food, their hands to pet me, stuff like that) are okay with me.  Carry on.  

Exposed!

[My favorite hidey-hole.]

Ruru the Cat here.  So just when things settled after we got rid of the toddlers, things started to get strange again.   My people started clearing out everything on the floor but sofas and stuff.  I got the feeling they would have put us somewhere on the shelf if they could.  Well, my favorite hidey-hole, a couple of weird chairs stacked together, making a fun little tunnel, disappeared, too.  It just wasn't there anymore.  

[Priorities!  By that, I mean me and giving me cheese.]

Now, I was left exposed when several little kids with grabby hands showed up.  They wanted to grab me, but I was able to hide in my handy dandy underwear drawer.  Instead, they chased down the kittens.  Whew.  But that left me without a hidey-hole.  When I want to remind my people to give me treats when they're giving the dog treats.  This is very important because humans are so forgetful of what is truly important, namely, me.  

[My substitute hidey-hole.  I want my real one back.]

Fine.  I finally gave in and decided to use that weird structure that bores me but now seems to thrill the dumb kittens.  I still refuse to climb it, even when they put treats higher up.  But it does make a handy dandy place to hide.  Especially now that two old people have moved in.  I don't know why two old people would move into MY house without my permission.  My person's mother calls the old lady "mom," and the male human child calls her "grandma."  I know what a mom is, but I didn't think they were so OLD.  But "grandma" is a new one on me.  They even SMELL old.  At least they don't chase me around and try to grab me like the toddlers do.  I can't help but wonder if the disappearance of my happy hidey-hole has everything to do with old people shuffling and stumbling around my house.  

[Dangit.  They found me.]

Here's the one problem with my new hidey-hole: it's not so hidden.  Dumb kittens AND dumb dogs can find me in it.  Oh, and those pesky kids, too.  When do I get my stinking spot back?