Bad Things

[How life should be.  More or less.]

Ruru the Cat here.  GAH!  The dreaded S word has come again!  I'm not talking summer, either.  SCHOOL!  I heard whispers, but I was hoping they were joking.  What does this mean for my lovely little reality?  It means my person ditches me almost every day for several hours!  It's just not fair.  I had this great system worked out.  I would be dragged up to her room by someone who bribed me with treats (fell for it every time, too, though I pretended I didn't want this) then I was shoved into the arms of my half-asleep or wide awake person, and then, she'd sit around her room all day.  I'd whine to leave, which would draw her attention, and I'd get all the love I want on demand.  It was great.  It's how the script should go.

[screaming in frustration.]

Now, I get bribed, I get hauled up and shoved in her arms, I get held for a very few minutes, and then I get ditched in her room all day until she comes home.  It's just not right.  It's boring in there.  So all I want to do is lay around and torment other cats.  It's still not right.  What if I gain fulfillment in tormenting other cats?  Shouldn't I be allowed to do it?

[Look at that poor, drown rat cat.  I about died laughing.  Until she started talking about putting me in the tub.]

But it gets worse, way worse.  Other cats in the house were shoved into that nasty, evil thing called a bathtub.  It was nightmarish, terrifying because my person was the one doing it.  She kept saying my name as if I were NEXT.  She bathed Cass then Maya.  I was sure it would go Toothless then me.  But it never happened.  Not yet, anyway.  I'm waiting for my turn with dread.  I guess there are fates worse than school.

Doggie Tsunami

[The things I put up with when my person got home.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Seriously.  No sooner did my people come home then it feels like my world was flooded with dogs.  First off, I was stuck tolerating three needy and pitiful dogs (oh, and the usual few cats) who demanded all the attention from the person left tending us.  Then, my people came home.  Woohoo!  I had to show my person just how much she was NOT missed by sitting just out of reach and making her wait until I was good and ready to forgive her and let her pet me. 

[Gah!  Not another barky monster!]

It seemed like they weren't here long at all before they brought ANOTHER dog into my house and yard.  Looked a lot like that nuisance Cali but bigger.  Smelled different somehow.  He looked like he was ready to settle in and live here.  I was so scared that we'd be stuck with FOUR needy dogs eating all my dog food and stealing the attention I'm supposed to have.  Except I guess that dog apparently belonged to someone else, and those people got him back that very night.  Whew.  What a relief. 

[Twin nuisances.]

Here's what Cali had to say about the obnoxious guest:

Cali:  Oh my oh my oh my!  He was so awesome!  I was so excited to play with him!  I ran around and around and around the yard!  He seemed like so much fun!  He made all sorts of play stances, and I just knew he was going to be my friend forever!  He was so awesome!  But then he had to go home.  I was so sad!  I know he'll come back.  I know it.  

I hope not.  I'd have to seriously nope on that. 

[The yeti made mini yetis?  NOOO!]

But then, our neighbors--my person's best friend/cousin, the one who was threatening to send us a nasty little kitten for a while until it found another home--got a huge pile of puppies from somewhere.  EIGHT of the nasty little monsters.  Not sure where they got them.  They look just too tiny to have come from the giant yeti dog, but they're all the same color.  They're even smaller than Snow, the Pomeranian my person calls "tiny dog."  Things don't do much.  They mostly sit around and whine or act like parasitic organisms on the big yeti.  Not sure what good they are.  But there are just too many of them.  Well, one dog is too many, but I say enough is enough.  No more dogs.  No more.

[How life should be--just me, my person, and...well, never mind.  I was going to say peace and quiet, but, well, no peace for me.]

My house.  My dog food.  My people.  NO MORE DOGS. 

ABANDONED!!!!

[Me, looking everywhere for my human.  Notice the tragic color of my world.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My person is gone forever!  I know she is!  She totally ditched me.  I looked everywhere, and she's just not here.  A few days ago seemed like any other day.  My person's brother went off somewhere.  I heard the nasty word "school," but I watched my person to make sure she wouldn't go as well.  No movement.  I sighed with relief.  I hate that nasty place, even though I don't know exactly what it is.  It tends to steal my person away a lot.  I don't know why they'd call it "summer school."  Duh.  Of course, it's summer.  It feels and smells warm.  But it doesn't seem to impact my person.  

[How life should be--getting my face properly rearranged by my person.]

But later that day, she started packing stuff up.  That's usually a bad sign.  Whenever that happens, my person will often ditch me.  I made sure to interfere as much as possible to make sure she wouldn't leave.  I made cute faces and purred and everything.  But then, she ditched me, anyway.  We're all of us here, their four-footed friends.  And they left their friend here to feed us and pet us.  But she's not the same.  I want my person!  They've been gone for DAYS and DAYS.  It's my worst nightmare.  I'd take that nasty school business over this because at least she comes home to rearrange my ears and squish around my face at the end of the day.  I just don't know what to do.  I guess I'll take a nap.  

Curses on a Needy Dog

[Me, ignoring the Snow Goon]

Ruru the Cat here.  Remember that slight inconvenience among the rest of a nasty week?  Yeah, it's become a major problem.  Neediness, thy name is Snow.  So that dog my people brought home thinks she has to be surgically attached to my person's mom all the time.  Seriously attached.  Like every time my person's mom steps outside of the house or even goes upstairs where her pathetic legs can't seem to take her, this noisy piece of lint screams like someone is torturing her.  

[That mom person back there?  Yeah, she's supposed to be all about ME!]

It would be pretty funny if not for the fact that she occupies the hands I've claimed.  When my person's mom goes in my person's room every day, that mom's supposed to spend the whole time petting me.  It's kind of an unwritten contract.  But now, she brings that little white mop along to steal her attention from ME.  So frustrating.  Oh, I guess the needy beast wants to talk now.  

[I was wet and lonely and miserable all the time before]

Hi, I'm Snow the Pomeranian.  I was so sad living in my cage before.  They hardly let me out at all.  I sat and stewed in my piddles.  My lovely white fur became yellow, and my nice, white teeth went brown.  And twice a year, they made me have puppies whether I wanted them or not.  I didn't want them.  I felt weak whenever I had them.  I just wanted someone to love me.  

[Mommy holds me.]

And now, I have a mommy who loves me!  She holds me and snuggles me and pets me and feeds me and carries me around everywhere.  I never knew how to jump or climb or go for walks or anything.  I don't like going for walks unless my mommy carries me.  

[Me with my new doggie buddies.]

Oh, and I have friends!  I've never had doggie friends before.  Just puppies that got a little big and playful then disappeared.  But these are real friends I can play with.  There's a big boy dog that has long, fluffy hair.  His name is Dodger.  He's so sweet.  And then, there's the bigger girl dog.  They will both play with me.  We romp and chase each other.  And they're showing me how to be a real dog, how to play and eat meat like fried chicken and ribs and be happy.  

[Mommy and me on a boat.]

Yesterday, my mommy took me on a boat!  It was so fun!  I got to play and splash in the water.  I've never gotten to do that before. So much fun!  I've never been so happy before.  My old house feels like a sad dream.  Okay, Ruru, go ahead.  

[Why do these exist?]

Crap.  I was hoping the white fluffy thing would get sick of being here and go back to whatever pit she came from.  Hmph.  Why does my house need dogs, anyway?  Why have a dog when you have a cat to worship?  Obviously, my people's priorities are off.  Cats.  That's all you need.  Remember that.  

Midget Yeti and the Return of Toddlergeddon

[Missing: one annoying piece of furniture.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Can I tell you what a weird week it's been?  I can't say I loved Twixie, the annoying dog that was always trying to compete for my people's attention.  But I'd figured out how to tolerate him.  I'd borrow his body heat if he wasn't picking on me.  He was there, kind of like a vacuum or an annoying younger brother.  Just sort of there, but not something you had to be happy about.

[Here I am with the replacement annoying piece of furniture.  That is not a happy look.]

Then, this week, he just disappeared.  Not sure why or how, but he's not here.  I've looked.  I had no sooner started celebrating that I wouldn't have to tolerate his presence anymore when my people showed up again with a fluffy little thing about a third his size but which seems to want to be surgically attached to my person's mom.  Fortunately, the little white lint fluff that barks and growls but doesn't eat much food or take up much space doesn't seem to cling much to my person.

[Note how it occupies MY space.]

Looks a little like those big ol' yetis that sometimes show up in my back yard, except she's shorter than me.  However, I wish to file a complaint she uses up wayyyy too much of the space around my person's mom.  That's my spot.  I'm supposed to be there to dominate the use of those hands.  It's just not fair. I no sooner get rid of one annoyingly loud space-sucker than another one shows up.  At least it doesn't eat my dog food.  Nah, the other dumb dogs around here do that.

[Better the fuzzy lint than me.]

I could take all that in stride but for what came next.  Those scary toddler monsters showed up again.  Do my people really hate me that much?  These mini-human-like things threw stuff everywhere, ate everything, and got into and threw around whatever they couldn't eat.  Kind of like locusts only less friendly.

[Get these devils out of my house, all of them.]

We cats stayed in hiding for the whole time they were here. We know what kind of damage those two bigger toddler monsters and the littler, newer one can do.  Then, as if to add insult to injury, our neighbor types that have the yetis showed up with KITTENS.  I'd take three mini yetis over just one kitten.  Those little bitty things with sharp pointed claws chase you around and attack you.  They're just no good.  We peeked around corners to see what toddlergeddon did to those kittens, and it was horrible.  Just horrible.  They were grabbing tails, smacking, squishing, and, worst of all, slobbering on those poor kittens.  Now, I find kittens to be about as annoying as a vacuum, but even they don't deserve toddlers.

[Toddlers+kittens+midget yeti+my house=SERIOUS NOPE.]

And those toddlers are getting BIGGER.  They'll be GIANT TODDLERS soon, stomping around my house and pulling cat tails in no time.  They may even start eating dog food or find us and drag us out to do who knows what.  Why would someone do something horrible to the world like bring kittens, dogs, and toddlers into it?  Especially toddlers.  *Shudder.*

Boo on Camp

[Screaming out in frustration because my person is gone]

Ruru the Cat here.  She did it again!  But this time, she did it sneakier.  Sometimes, my person's family will disappear.  I get super frustrated when that happens because I have to look needy to the renter who lives in the basement.  I follow her everywhere but have to LOOK like I'm not being needy.  That's really hard to do.  But at least when that happens, I know my person's gone. 

[In denial that my person ditched me!]

This time, it took me a while to figure it out.  ONLY she went somewhere, which was weird.  She was there one minute, where I could supervise and keep an eye on her, and then she was GONE.  Like, just gone.  Poof.  I looked everywhere.  No person.  Okay, there were people, just not the RIGHT person.  They said something about camp.  I haven't yet figured out what that word means.  But whatever it is means something TERRIBLE. 

[Me, being desperate for attention]

Because I spent three whole days moping around and begging everyone for attention.  I tried to play it cool for a while, to make myself available for attention.  But humans are dense.  They just didn't catch often enough that I was there, waiting.  I even had to run and beg when anybody at all opened the fridge for any reason.  Man, you'd think humans would get better at reading the subtlety that is a cat. 

[How life should be--with my person]

Finally, my person came home.  I made her wait a WHOLE hour before I make myself available because she made me wait FOREVER.  Or at least the better part of three days.  How thoughtless.  Of course, when she came, I had to hide in her room.  Make her work for it.  But now she's here, she's NOT going back. 

My Butt Noodle Revisited

[My butt noodle.]  

Ruru the Cat Here.  Have a mentioned that humans are just weird?  I don't get their fascination with the wavy flappy thing attached to my butt.  Seriously.  It's just a tail.  I know.  Humans don't have them.  Maybe you have tail envy. 

Anyway, so my people have taken to doing this crazy thing I don't understand.  I'll just be laying there, and a human will pat my tail and say, "Slaps."  I'll look almost asleep, but I can't let that slide.  It's MY tail, not yours.  Mine.  So I have to show the human who is boss and slap that hand back with my tail.  So these humans get all excited and slap my tail back.  So I slap them twice or three times because I want a nap, but they think this is a game.  We'll slap back and forth for several minutes.  I just want to be left alone, all right?  But all of the humans around here have taken to doing it.  I'm really trying to get you to leave my butt noodle alone.  It's mine.  I'm attached to it.  Leave it alone. 

But it can be kind of fun.  Sorta.  Just don't tell anyone I said so.