Keep Your Person to Yourself

[My person turning to the wrong cat for love.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My brother, Toothless, has been upset with me recently.  He seems to think it's my fault my person has developed an unhealthy obsession with holding the wrong cat.  She's supposed to be holding ME all the time, but she's started to hold HIM as he sulks and whines in her arms.  He's so whiny.  I mean my person is a great person.  He won't even give her a chance, just because she held him and loved him or three whole days then dumped him as soon as she found me.  As far as I'm concerned, that's a personally rational response.  Who'd want my brother when she could have me? 

                                  [My person showing love.  And a mean streak]                                             

But now, my person can't get enough of picking up and holding Toothless as he sulks and whines all because he DOES sulk and whine.  He's decided my person's MOM is the only human who should be allowed to exist.  And MY person isn't good enough for him.  I get liking his person.  I enjoy getting my ears rearranged by the best ear-rearranger in the whole house.  But my person is wonderful, great, so sweet.  So she has a bit of a mean streak. 

[Still the wrong person.]

Really mean!  NOT kidding!  I do NOT want to be held by the wrong person!  My person is the older one.  She loves me, and I love her.  Everyone else is a waste of space.  

[I'm Cali!  I should only be held by my mommy!]

Toothless is right!  She keeps grabbing me, too!  I don't want Ru's person to hold me.  

[Me, Snow, wanting to be back with my mommy.]

Me, too!  She keeps grabbing me!  It freaks me out!  

[Me, Maya, after the cursed bath giver]

Ru, keep your person to yourself.  Not kidding.  

Ru:  Who asked you, dogs?  

Maya: I'm not a dog.  

You're not me, so close enough.   You other four-leggers, stay away from my person!  I had no idea everyone was stealing the love and worship I should have.  It's just not fair. 

Book all about Me!

[What you see] 

[What I see]

Ruru the Cat here.  Not that I care about books, really.  They're one of those person things that don't make a lot of sense to me.  My person has this book with these crinkly little pages on which I love to sharpen my claws.  Not sure why she gets upset and takes it away.  They're such weak little pages, and it gives me great satisfaction to shred them. 

[Evidence someone, at least, agrees the world revolves around me] 

I'm talking here about one book my person's mom has been working on all week.  It's all about me.  Because, you know, why shouldn't it be?  I'm the center of the universe.  Oh, and I guess my person is there, too. There were page after page of my awesomeness.  Not that books really excite me, especially those that show me dragged into the snow or put into a costume or ditched by my person or threatened with the bathtub... never mind.  Maybe I don't like that book so much after all.  Humans can be sneaky with their cruelty. 

The Wondrous Red Dot

[All hail the awesome dot!]

Ruru the Cat here.  I think I told you before, but I can't be sure.  There's a wonderful thing that showed up in my house this week.  I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it appears, zips around, and then disappears.  It is a bright dot.  I'm not so good with colors, but I think it's red.  I've seen Cali the Wonder Idiot chase it around, and I laughed.  But it appeared just for me, and I couldn't help but be just like her and chase it around.  And around.  And around.  It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.  

[Upstart cats think they can usurp my dot.]

The other cats in my house seem to think it's theirs, but they don't get it.  It's mine.  My red dot.  I will chase it everywhere.  And I will kill it.  No one can kill red dots like me.  I caught it and killed it again and again, but then, it reappeared.  I'm not sure how it can achieve such a wonder.  If I kill a mouse, it stays dead.  But I kill this red dot, and it's back again, just beyond my reach.  I don't understand it, but I love it.  If you've never known the joy of the red dot, you should get one for yourself and try it out.  But just know, even if you do, it's still mine. 

Bad Things

[How life should be.  More or less.]

Ruru the Cat here.  GAH!  The dreaded S word has come again!  I'm not talking summer, either.  SCHOOL!  I heard whispers, but I was hoping they were joking.  What does this mean for my lovely little reality?  It means my person ditches me almost every day for several hours!  It's just not fair.  I had this great system worked out.  I would be dragged up to her room by someone who bribed me with treats (fell for it every time, too, though I pretended I didn't want this) then I was shoved into the arms of my half-asleep or wide awake person, and then, she'd sit around her room all day.  I'd whine to leave, which would draw her attention, and I'd get all the love I want on demand.  It was great.  It's how the script should go.

[screaming in frustration.]

Now, I get bribed, I get hauled up and shoved in her arms, I get held for a very few minutes, and then I get ditched in her room all day until she comes home.  It's just not right.  It's boring in there.  So all I want to do is lay around and torment other cats.  It's still not right.  What if I gain fulfillment in tormenting other cats?  Shouldn't I be allowed to do it?

[Look at that poor, drown rat cat.  I about died laughing.  Until she started talking about putting me in the tub.]

But it gets worse, way worse.  Other cats in the house were shoved into that nasty, evil thing called a bathtub.  It was nightmarish, terrifying because my person was the one doing it.  She kept saying my name as if I were NEXT.  She bathed Cass then Maya.  I was sure it would go Toothless then me.  But it never happened.  Not yet, anyway.  I'm waiting for my turn with dread.  I guess there are fates worse than school.

Doggie Tsunami

[The things I put up with when my person got home.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Seriously.  No sooner did my people come home then it feels like my world was flooded with dogs.  First off, I was stuck tolerating three needy and pitiful dogs (oh, and the usual few cats) who demanded all the attention from the person left tending us.  Then, my people came home.  Woohoo!  I had to show my person just how much she was NOT missed by sitting just out of reach and making her wait until I was good and ready to forgive her and let her pet me. 

[Gah!  Not another barky monster!]

It seemed like they weren't here long at all before they brought ANOTHER dog into my house and yard.  Looked a lot like that nuisance Cali but bigger.  Smelled different somehow.  He looked like he was ready to settle in and live here.  I was so scared that we'd be stuck with FOUR needy dogs eating all my dog food and stealing the attention I'm supposed to have.  Except I guess that dog apparently belonged to someone else, and those people got him back that very night.  Whew.  What a relief. 

[Twin nuisances.]

Here's what Cali had to say about the obnoxious guest:

Cali:  Oh my oh my oh my!  He was so awesome!  I was so excited to play with him!  I ran around and around and around the yard!  He seemed like so much fun!  He made all sorts of play stances, and I just knew he was going to be my friend forever!  He was so awesome!  But then he had to go home.  I was so sad!  I know he'll come back.  I know it.  

I hope not.  I'd have to seriously nope on that. 

[The yeti made mini yetis?  NOOO!]

But then, our neighbors--my person's best friend/cousin, the one who was threatening to send us a nasty little kitten for a while until it found another home--got a huge pile of puppies from somewhere.  EIGHT of the nasty little monsters.  Not sure where they got them.  They look just too tiny to have come from the giant yeti dog, but they're all the same color.  They're even smaller than Snow, the Pomeranian my person calls "tiny dog."  Things don't do much.  They mostly sit around and whine or act like parasitic organisms on the big yeti.  Not sure what good they are.  But there are just too many of them.  Well, one dog is too many, but I say enough is enough.  No more dogs.  No more.

[How life should be--just me, my person, and...well, never mind.  I was going to say peace and quiet, but, well, no peace for me.]

My house.  My dog food.  My people.  NO MORE DOGS. 

ABANDONED!!!!

[Me, looking everywhere for my human.  Notice the tragic color of my world.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My person is gone forever!  I know she is!  She totally ditched me.  I looked everywhere, and she's just not here.  A few days ago seemed like any other day.  My person's brother went off somewhere.  I heard the nasty word "school," but I watched my person to make sure she wouldn't go as well.  No movement.  I sighed with relief.  I hate that nasty place, even though I don't know exactly what it is.  It tends to steal my person away a lot.  I don't know why they'd call it "summer school."  Duh.  Of course, it's summer.  It feels and smells warm.  But it doesn't seem to impact my person.  

[How life should be--getting my face properly rearranged by my person.]

But later that day, she started packing stuff up.  That's usually a bad sign.  Whenever that happens, my person will often ditch me.  I made sure to interfere as much as possible to make sure she wouldn't leave.  I made cute faces and purred and everything.  But then, she ditched me, anyway.  We're all of us here, their four-footed friends.  And they left their friend here to feed us and pet us.  But she's not the same.  I want my person!  They've been gone for DAYS and DAYS.  It's my worst nightmare.  I'd take that nasty school business over this because at least she comes home to rearrange my ears and squish around my face at the end of the day.  I just don't know what to do.  I guess I'll take a nap.  

Curses on a Needy Dog

[Me, ignoring the Snow Goon]

Ruru the Cat here.  Remember that slight inconvenience among the rest of a nasty week?  Yeah, it's become a major problem.  Neediness, thy name is Snow.  So that dog my people brought home thinks she has to be surgically attached to my person's mom all the time.  Seriously attached.  Like every time my person's mom steps outside of the house or even goes upstairs where her pathetic legs can't seem to take her, this noisy piece of lint screams like someone is torturing her.  

[That mom person back there?  Yeah, she's supposed to be all about ME!]

It would be pretty funny if not for the fact that she occupies the hands I've claimed.  When my person's mom goes in my person's room every day, that mom's supposed to spend the whole time petting me.  It's kind of an unwritten contract.  But now, she brings that little white mop along to steal her attention from ME.  So frustrating.  Oh, I guess the needy beast wants to talk now.  

[I was wet and lonely and miserable all the time before]

Hi, I'm Snow the Pomeranian.  I was so sad living in my cage before.  They hardly let me out at all.  I sat and stewed in my piddles.  My lovely white fur became yellow, and my nice, white teeth went brown.  And twice a year, they made me have puppies whether I wanted them or not.  I didn't want them.  I felt weak whenever I had them.  I just wanted someone to love me.  

[Mommy holds me.]

And now, I have a mommy who loves me!  She holds me and snuggles me and pets me and feeds me and carries me around everywhere.  I never knew how to jump or climb or go for walks or anything.  I don't like going for walks unless my mommy carries me.  

[Me with my new doggie buddies.]

Oh, and I have friends!  I've never had doggie friends before.  Just puppies that got a little big and playful then disappeared.  But these are real friends I can play with.  There's a big boy dog that has long, fluffy hair.  His name is Dodger.  He's so sweet.  And then, there's the bigger girl dog.  They will both play with me.  We romp and chase each other.  And they're showing me how to be a real dog, how to play and eat meat like fried chicken and ribs and be happy.  

[Mommy and me on a boat.]

Yesterday, my mommy took me on a boat!  It was so fun!  I got to play and splash in the water.  I've never gotten to do that before. So much fun!  I've never been so happy before.  My old house feels like a sad dream.  Okay, Ruru, go ahead.  

[Why do these exist?]

Crap.  I was hoping the white fluffy thing would get sick of being here and go back to whatever pit she came from.  Hmph.  Why does my house need dogs, anyway?  Why have a dog when you have a cat to worship?  Obviously, my people's priorities are off.  Cats.  That's all you need.  Remember that.