A cat's holiday season

 

[Casper the Friendly Poltergeist, AKA Dude, stealing my tree.]

Ruru the Cat here. Just haven't felt like blogging recently. All the other cats have stolen any holiday fun this year. Dude hopped in the tub the tree came out of to make sure it was all his from the first minute. I didn't even have the chance to sniff the box. 

[MY tree.]

Since then, he made it clear my favorite green jungle gy]m (also called the Christmas tree) is all his. He's the one that gets to attack the dangly sparklies until one after the other hits the floor, some of them shattering on impact. That should be MY job. But he's twice my size. 

[This wrap should be mine--source]

I hide in my room, so everybody else gets to feast on the food. I try to come out and get chased off. One-eyed-wonder, Phoenix, gets to the wrap before I can, shredding everything and attacking the empty roll. 

[What I should be doing with my holiday--killing stuff. Source.]

I didn't even get to knock the lights and the glowing Christmas cat decoration out of the window. I'm not sure who did that, but it wasn't me. 

[My Christmas--note nothing to kill. Sadly.]

It's just not fair. I didn't get to destroy ANY Christmas stuff this year. I guess I'll go pout in my people's room and leave them a hairball and a dead mouse. At least I can get in on Christmas giving. 

Selfish with My Turkey

 

[MY Turkey. Source]

Ruru the Cat here.  I swear people around here don't seem to get that I'm the center of the world. They had something around here called "Thanksgiving." I sat in the kitchen, specifically ordering some of that turkey meat, and my person's mom gave me only two or three little bits, ALMOST nothing. Honestly. She gave nearly as much to all the other fluffies staring at her and begging, their dorsal tails sticking out of the water. As if they deserve as much as me. 

[MY Whipped Topping: source]

Then, my person's dad had pie with a big pile of whipped, fluffy white stuff. CREAM. And he kept most of it to himself. And when he tried to give me a small taste, he kept missing, and it would drop to the ground. Others would get it. I'm not that small a cat. You should be able to find my mouth with your food pretty easily.  

[MY Rolls: source]

I had to STEAL the rolls from the table because they didn't offer them to me. Well, I bit through the bag and ate some of them while Varya was helping herself to the bread on the counter. But that was MY bread. The dogs got the empty plates because my people didn't save them all for me. What is wrong with my people?  Where's the proper worship? Seriously. 

Happy Birthday to the Wolf Weasel

[Happy Wolf Weasel]

Ruru the Cat here. Sadly, my people decided my birthday wasn't the only one my people celebrate. Varya, our local "wolf weasel" (as my people call the only cat around here smaller than me), got a birthday party, too.  They showered her with catnip mice. Why didn't they do that with me?  They just gave me catnip. She rubbed them all over her face like some crazed maniac. Instead of letting me play with them, so I could do the same. 

[This game confuses me.]

I did get to participate in one of the party games, but I didn't get it. They put one of us at a time in the bathtub. I like the bathtub, but only when I sit on the edge and wait to drink some person soup (the bathwater people are soaking in.) But it was wet and slimy and uncomfortable, so I just wanted to leave. 

[Master hunters seeking and destroying crickets.]

Meanwhile, Dude knew just how to dismember and swallow the crickets they put there. Varya grabbed one, jumped out of the tub, and moused it. She chased it around until it died a pathetic death then ate it. It was actually pretty funny.  But then again, she's a bug hunter, anyway. She'll leap into the air and catch a fly out of the air. That wolf weasel is nuts. 

So I don't get the point of celebrating any cats that aren't me. But I guess humans do weird things sometimes. Like days ending in Y. 

Spot Wars

 

[The new queen of MY room, Paige, in my spot, looming over my person.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I understand there are constant spot wars going on behind my person's closed doors. The cats who stole my whole room now fight over the preferred spots in there. I heard the desirable spots are the little pathetic cat tree (also called "the nest"), the shelf, the bed (especially the fuzzy blanket), and the chair. Nobody wants to share unless they're in a warm, fuzzy mood. 

[That beast in the nest, guarding the door, so I can't come in.]

But let's get serious. We cats, in the middle of a turf war, are rarely in a warm, fuzzy mood. Mostly, they just glare at each other, but they'll also come to blows and fight. Wish I could be there to see it, but they all took MY SPOT in moving in there. Going in there freaks me out because it no longer smells like me. 

[Happy former kittens, chilling in my spot, on my bed.]

The most desirable spot is looming over our person, so she'll pet everyone BUT ME. The biggest of them all is Paige, so everyone else tends to defer to her. She'll wag her tail and rub her face on everything with excitement every time MY PERSON touches her. As if she has more right to it than I do. Second most desirable is snuggling my person's mom because she has hands and knows what to do with them. That used to be MY SPOT. 

[How it should be--me getting all the attention.]

I never once got to sit in the nest, and the shelves are all new since I got booted when the kittens started showing up there. Because I HATE kittens.  They always take my spot. This time, they took my spot in a big way. Does no one get that I'm the queen of the world?  At least I found a new room to claim. Now, if only the humans would recognize it as mine and find somewhere else to go.  

Deworming is Amazing!

[Me, chilling where it's safe with no cats.]

Ruru the Cat here.  It's been a while.  I've just been hiding out in the room, ignoring everyone.  It's usually better that way. Less dangerous because everyone's out to get me, even the kitten now. Blogging gets hard when I have to deal with everyone driving me nuts.

[Me, waiting for my dewormer.]

But out of the blue, I started to smell a fabulous odor, soft, meaty cat food.  I knew everyone was getting it but me.  I heard them, all getting that yummy food.  I heard someone say something about deworming.  It didn't sound like fun.  Anytime someone says something that sounds like medicine, I start to think pain and vets. I wasn't sure whether to be envious or not.  

[Ah, yeah. That's the stuff.]

Then, my person's mom came in with my dish of that soft, meaty cat food. Oh, it was good. There was kind of a weird taste to it.  I wonder if that was the dewormer.  But it didn't matter.  I'd die for that yummy cat food. Okay, maybe not. But I sure would kill for it. Cuz I'm a cat. We kill to eat. Dang, that's good. 

The Enemy!

 

[Stranger in the forbidden room.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I smell the enemy, especially when I pass the forbidden door by my people's room.  We animals are not allowed in there.  Sometimes, Phoenix the One-Eyed Wonder will sneak in there just by her persistence with doors. She sits in front of doors, whether she wants to go in or not. Front doors, back doors, doesn't matter.  Something's not right with that cat. She's wired funny.  Even the people have caught on.  So I know a cat can get in there, but they usually keep it closed. Probably because anytime it's open, the dumb dogs go in there and pee on the floor. Nasty beasties. 

[The enemy eating MY food.]

Anyway, a new resident took up the space there.  I hear it's because our neighbors with the yetis and that annoying little spotted mutt that sometimes came here moved away. The enemy cat smells like them. And evil cat. By evil, I mean anyone that's not me, especially strangers.  I run by that room fast. I haven't seen him yet, but I have heard him. He's LOUD and NEEDY.  He sits around, demanding humans come in and pet him ALL THE TIME. I can't imagine why they brought the enemy in past their front door. Cats are like vampires, I think. They can only get in if you let them in.  

[All anyone needs in a cat: ME]

Don't we have enough and too many non-me cats? Like I said, once you have an amazing cat like me, you don't need anyone else.  You can just pet me.  All the time.  I can't believe they'd let a needy cat like the enemy into MY house.  Without even asking me.  Seriously. One day, someone will realize I'm the queen of the world.  In the meantime, I'm stuck hearing the enemy whine.  

Bean's Field Trip

 

[My mommy and me on a trip]

Hi!  I'm Bean!  They also call me Mr. Bean and Beanie Boo. I don't know why. But Ru hasn't felt like blogging. She's been stuck in my mommy's room all the time and has gotten grumpy. That's okay.  I can tell you all about the time they took me on a fun trip!  I got to ride my mommy's shoulder and everything in the car. It was great.

[The only place I want to be: with my mommy.]

She even took me out to introduce me to a whole crowd of people. "Family Reunion," they called it. Don't know what that means. I didn't see anyone I think of as family except my people. But some people were really nice to me.  They were strangers, but I really like strangers. They petted me and talked to me and thought I was cute and liked that I ride my mommy around on her shoulders. I don't know what a family reunion is, but I liked it. I also got free food. 

[Don't make me angry. I'll whine at you when I'm angry.]

Then, we drove back. Everything was great and wonderful until my mommy went into a place that smelled like food WITHOUT ME. She left me with the man I usually like EXCEPT when he takes me away from my MOMMY. Oh, I freaked out. I screamed. I knew my person wouldn't willingly leave me like that. It felt like FOREVER that she was past the door and SO far away. But then she came back, and my smile came back. I sat on her shoulder, determined she would never leave me again. Still an awesome trip. My mommy just shouldn't leave me.  

Ru: Thanks for reminding me why I'm glad I'm not a dog. Talk about whiny and co-dependant. As long as she brought you back food, she's done her duty by you. Duh. Teach me to loan my blog to a dog. 

Happy Birthday to Me!

[Something yummy this way comes.]

Ruru the Cat here. I was minding my own business one random day, wishing my dumb people would come back from wherever they'd disappeared to for an entire night (jerks--yeah, they fed me before they left, but why go somewhere else when I'm HERE?  I am the center of their world. Hello.) 

[Ruling over my Kingdom on my Cat Tree.]

When my humans finally came back, they started saying this weird phrase, "Happy birthday."  To a cat, this phrase is really meaningless. I understand birth. That's where someone produces an annoying, tiny, loud thing from...somewhere. Not sure where these obnoxious things called babies come from. They just ARE like dogs, loud noises, and other annoyances. Day. That's the cycle from when humans are boring to when they get interesting then back to boring again. Something about light and dark, not that these are interesting concepts to a cat, either. There's not THAT much of a difference. Come on. 

[Meat! And catnip!]

Anyway, so my humans came to me as I sat on the cat tree and said that meaningless phrase. What was meaningful was that they gave me meat. And cheese. And catnip. So what is this birthday stuff? Got me. Couldn't tell you. Don't care. But I'll take a birthday every day of the week if it means more cheese. And meat. And catnip. And everyone looking up in worship at me.  

Invasion of the Mutt

[The mutt brat] 

Ruru the Cat here. We were stuck with the monstrous beast the size of all our dogs put together for DAYS. Worse, yet, she's a puppy. We were stuck with her whole days!  It was absolute misery, even worse than last time. The thing is energy in fur. It's constantly on the move, chasing everyone around, surrounding my people with her smells and eating all our dog food. Most of us hid downstairs, though I hid in my people's room. 

[Even the dogs don't like her.]

What made it even worse was that my favorite person in the world I used to hang out with all the time was right there in the living room the whole time. I could have gone up there and gotten love. Instead, there was the dumb mutt wherever I turned. Even Bean found it terrifying. I couldn't even sneak up to my person and get any love AT ALL. It made me feel a little better that my person complained about the dog, too. 

On the bright side, at least she hasn't come back. Here's hoping that's forever. This is my house. I'm the queen. And I see we don't need more dogs. 

Watching the Herd Make Fools of Themselves

[Above the chaos]

 Ruru the Cat here. As I sat on my throne at the top of the cat tree, I watched everyone else chase the Little Red Dot. It should have been mine, but I wasn't about to come down when all six of the others (Paige spends all her time hiding in what used to be my room, so she wasn't there) PLUS our dumb dogs chased the thing around. I get chased around enough around here by unworthy ruffians who are twice my size. So like the Queen that I am, I sat on my throne and watched their antics instead. 

[Silly Varya leaves her pipe cleaner to fight for the dot]

It looked like little Varya, the kitten, had never seen one of those red dots of light before. She was most determined to catch it. She was mowing everyone down to get to it. We all thought my brother, Chonk (aka Toothless) got it for a while because it disappeared when he pounced on it. He's not a very good mouser, and nobody takes him seriously, least of all me. But I was happy for him for one second when he had the Red Dot. 

[Halloween cats fighting for the dot.]

But when my people started laughing, I figured there was a trick. I couldn't see it, but the Red Dot of Awesomeness wasn't stopped in any way. All three of the black cats seemed quite sure they were going to get it, even Maya, who hates everyone and is Supreme Evil. Even little Varya (who scares everyone else in the house) knows to skulk around her. But none of them caught the thing. 

[Wren: Brainless but Pretty

Dumb Wren, whose entire self-appointed job is to be the prettiest cat in the house, got in on the fun. Yeah, his obnoxious prettiness didn't have a chance. The only mice he's ever caught have already been dead or have been stolen from someone else. Then, he loses them 'cuz the mice have more smarts than he does, even when they're dead. I was thrilled Wren didn't do what no one else could because he's a brat who loves to chase me like the sad little pretty boy he is. 

[The tiny bully]

The fun ended when that bully dog, Bean, who is smaller than me, went charging through the room barking. I don't know what it is about a barking dog, but even the smallest, most pathetic dog can scare a cat if he runs fast enough and barks loudly enough. And Bean is that pathetic dog. All the silly cats scattered when the five-pound twig charged through. But to reward his self-important bluster, the Red Dot disappeared entirely. Not sure how it does that or where it goes. Thinking it may be magic. But there it went. And I continued to sit on my throne, feeling smug that I hadn't made a fool of myself like everyone else. I just sat there, knowing I could have caught it because I'm Queen of the World. I've never caught it before, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have this time. 

Alone Is My Happy Place

[The only one I need in my world.]

Ruru the Cat here.  There are so many reasons I like to be alone in my adult people's room. One is that the adult people are often there, giving love to just me. I'll follow them around and sit on them to remind them they need to love me. I know this may not sound like alone to you, but if there are no cats or dogs around, it's alone enough for me. People don't really count. They are my favorite kind of pet. 

[Even the little ones are getting big and scary.]

However, when I step foot outside, all the cats that are bigger than me (which is almost everyone) like to chase me around and beat on me. Even the ones that I thought I were terrified of me because I bullied them when they were little. Now, they bully me instead. It's just not fair. 

The only places I feel safe are on my cat tree because I can defend my throne on my cat tree, in my people's room, and in my underwear drawer. No one can find me or beat on me there. Or, on the tree, I can defend it and beat on anyone who tries to mess with me. Everywhere else, I feel so small and beat-on-able. 

[Raccoons and badgers and cars. Oh, my.]

I also can't go outside. I've heard too many scary things about cats getting killed by those big box things called cars. They're the worst kind of predator. Our neighbor lost another cat to these monsters. But there are also winged monsters and clawed monsters I don't understand out there. No, that's not a place to feel safe.  So I'll stay in my underwear drawer or my people's room or my cat tree and feel safe and powerful and strong. Toothless, quit laughing at me. I'm still queen of the world, even if not enough worship me. Just a small queen. Amazingness comes in small package. 

Dog Blog

 

[Something's out of place.]

Jude: Hi! My name is Jude! I'm a puppy! Ru said I could type her blog, so here I am! I love to visit my neighbors 'cuz I can poop everywhere and run around outside in a fence! It's so much fun! But I miss my people when I'm here! I also miss my favorite cats in the world at my house! I love to chase them around. Here, the cats just hide!

Ru: You see the problem. Of course we hide. She's big and scary. A PUPPY, which is even worse than our three tiny dogs that I can bully. It's such a pain to have a yappy, annoying, busy puppy in my house. 

[Dumb pup in my dog food bowl.]

Jude: I thought I was blogging! It's my turn!

Ru: Shows how much you know. Like I'd let some dumb mutt steal my whole blog. I'm just telling the truth after you get done showing everything else. 

Jude: I'm confused! Anyway, so I was here for a whole day while my family went somewhere they called an amusement park! I wish I could be there with them! Instead, I was stuck at the neighbor's eating everything I could. 

Ru: You see the problems? Dogs are all confused. They think they're in charge just 'cuz they're big and that they have a right to MY dog food. 

 

[Stick with those just like you, the ones who can't spell IQ.]

Jude: But it was fun. I got to hang out and play with the little dogs and go on a walk!  I even chased a cat out of the weeds!  It was great! I missed my people, but I love visiting with neighbors!

Ru: Makes one of us. 

Vulching like a Vulture

[I'm not amused by others sneaking between me and my plates of food.]

Ruru the Cat here. I used to be the one to perch over my people's plates every time, staking out my turf to make sure it was all mine. This was before my people were so foolish as to let the curse of puppies strike our house, before my people got addicted to letting silly little kittens or stray cats in my house.  The food was all mine, and they knew it. 

[Note the dumb cat vulching on the birthday cake that should have been mine.]

I could lay claim to an entire loaf of bread by chewing through the bag, be handed meat and cheese while my humans made dinner, and be handed the empty plates. Everyone knew their place, and it was to spoil me rotten.  It was my privilege, as my people would say, to "vulch," which, apparently, is derived from the word "vulture," whatever that means. 

[And now, there are more of them surrounding my cake.]

Now, Bean the eternal puppy, Varya the kitten, or one of the big, mean cats take my place. They chase me away if I even try to perch somewhere to await the dregs. I can scarcely go downstairs to get my own dinner anymore. My brother says this is my fault because I picked on all of them when they were little, and then every one of them got bigger than me. I say he doesn't get it. I'm the queen. It's my house. If they don't acknowledge it, that's their problem. 

Favorite Prey

 

[My favorite toy.]

Hi.  Ru isn't in the mood to write today.  I'm Varya the crazy kitten or maybe I'm a wolf. I'm not sure. I get called lots of things.  But I just wanted to talk about my favorite thing in the world: pipe cleaners.  I don't get why they're called that, but they're wiggly and amazing.  I bat at them, and they fight back. 

[The next best thing to a mouse.]

I keep hoping to find my very own mouse, but Paige steals all the pretend mice, and the guys seem to get to the live mice before I even know they're there.  I got to sniff a dead one, but it didn't play with me.  So instead, I haul around these lovely, fluffy things everywhere.  

Nobody fights me for them. I can drop one and kill it and kill it again.  They don't take up much space, and they're super lightweight.  Ru thinks I'm silly, but I think they're the best things in the world.  Everyone should get some. Even Ru. 

My Person Was there for Me!

 

[When it was just me]

Ruru the Cat here.  It's been a long time since my person has worshiped me properly.  I used to rule her room. It was great. It was a quiet space with just my person there to give me all the attention I wanted and then to stand by and be ready any time I wanted affection. Okay, so sometimes she pet me when I hadn't given her permission. I could forgive that as long as her room was all mine.  

[Tolerating Kittens]

Well, then the kittens all piled into my room, and it stopped being my room, a quiet space for just me and my person.  I couldn't even stand to be in there anymore because their smells were everywhere, covering up my own. And you know how monstery kittens can be.  They just won't leave you ALONE.  And there came one after another after another. And now, most of them are bigger than me.  

[Like this. Do this all the time.]

Well, this week, she gave me some real time. She didn't try to take me to her room. Nobody would have liked that because I've since claimed her maternal parent's room. There, I can be in silence and periodically get attention. Not as much as I'd like, but at least no one picks on me there. But my person just came up to me and pet me and pet me and rubbed my belly and my face and just didn't leave. It was the greatest moment I can remember. Now, if only I can get my person to worship me like that all the time, I'd almost be able to ignore the rest of the cats or even almost like them. Nah. But at least I'd get the worship I deserve.