Addition Sucks

[Wearing costumes=misery]

Ruru the Cat here.  I've told you how much I don't like puppies.  I've told you how I really really don't like to be dressed up in a costume or any clothing at all. Now, imagine those nasty things combined, costume PLUS puppy.  Yeah, my person put me through that.  Not kidding.  I think she must hate me.  I love having her around more...except when she pulls crap like this. 

[This feels like a personal threat.]

Have you seen what puppies do to stuffed animals?  That annoying Bean's favorite hobby, other than trying to kill his equally annoying sister, is trying to chew the limbs off his stuffed monkey.  Puppies are all about destroying and unstuffing stuffed anything. 

[Deepest level of hell.]

So now, imagine me wearing something that makes me look like a stuffed animal.  Yeah.  Both puppies decided it was tug-of-war time with ME.  My people hate me.  Truly. 

Traitor to Her Kind

[Traitor]

Ruru the Cat here.  I've been watching a development with growing concern.  I was hoping I was imagining something, but it's grown increasingly apparent that there is a traitor in our midst.  I didn't want to admit it, but it's true.  Sylvie likes the puppies.  Especially the bigger one named Angel.  There, I said it.  I know, I know.  It's shocking news.  A cat should never befriend dogs.

[I never did like kittens or puppies]

She has the good grace to ignore or push aside the bigger dogs for treats.  She doesn't even seem to be a big fan of Bean, the smaller, crazier one.  I worked hard to make him terrified of cats, and it's mostly worked.  But she'll actually play with Angel.  I may have mentioned this before, but I don't think I've given it the attention it deserves.

[Neither one of them even likes me.  Go figure.]

The two of them will stalk each other around and around furniture and then brawl and chew on each other like kittens.  It would be fun to watch if it weren't for the fact that these two creatures are the greatest threats to my peace and quiet, kittens and puppies.  She's a big kitten, but she's pretty clearly still a kitten.  Can I get someone to take them out of my house?  I like my peace and quiet.  It was lovely while it lasted.

Nasty Rumors

[Cass thinks she can hide from my wrath.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I consider myself a fairly patient cat.  Stop laughing, Toothless.  Yeah, you, too, Sylvie.  Cass, you don't have to cower in the corner.  No, never mind.  Go ahead and cower.  Makes me feel better about life. 

[My least favorite barky little monsters.]

I let my people bring first one dog then two in my house.  I thought they were going too far when they let those fuzz balls then reproduce to make smaller fuzz balls that have taken over my people, my space, my life. 

[Having to share my person with the monsters, especially this one--that is not my happy face.]

Now, there are not two but FOUR barky little monsters using up the love and affection I deserve. I'm nice.  I haven't killed anybody yet.  Maybe a mouse or two or three.  Possibly five. 

[I was hoping she was just fat.  Really fat, really fast.]

Anyway, so now, I'm hearing rumors of a most alarming kind.  I heard that the little white mama dog wasn't just fat but was actually about to pop and produce MORE annoying fuzzballs to steal MORE of my dog food, my people's attention, my space, my peace.  Now, my people wouldn't let this happen, would they?  WOULD THEY?  Please tell me this is not a possibility.  I must hear it, or I might do more than sharpen my claws on the furniture and steal all the dog food. 

[Cute, sweet, little me trying to decide who needs to die.]

I'm a beautiful cat.  A sweet cat.  A darling, PATIENT, NON-HOMICIDAL cat.  But if this rumor proves to be true, I don't know who I'll kill. 

New Thing in My House

[The old sofa was fine.  Why do we need to change it?]

Ruru the Cat here.  So a thing happened.  I don't know that it's a big thing.  My people got rid of the old sofa and replaced It with a big thing that takes up all the space.  On the bright side, I can get behind it and look around for mice.  On the not so bright side, the other cats are often back there, too.  I really don't get much use out of it, so I don't know why anyone would want to do a thing like this.  I just don't like change, and no one asked my permission.  

[Did I mention it smells like someone else's dog?]

Wheeeeee!  This is Bean the puppy!  I can bounce and bounce and play on it and run across it back and forth across every person.  It's so bouncy!  My people are right there, all in a row, so I can bounce off all of them!  I can make footprints and bounce and bounce and bounce!  I love it!  I miss the spot on the old sofa where we could scratch at it and make a hole bigger.  It was great.  But this is good, too!

[The annoying puppies on the old recliner, which also left.]

Well, as long as the annoying hairball is messing around downstairs, he doesn't invade my turf.  But sometimes, the people stick him in my room.  As long as he has his bouncy, happy play space downstairs, I don't think that's necessary.  So keep the hairball away.  Or better yet, send him to wherever you sent the old sofa.  Yeah.  Do that.  You do have my permission for that. 

No More Yetis!

[Look at the scary Cali]

I can't even.  This is Ru the Cat, but I'm just not...I can't talk about this subject without wanting to claw someone's eyes out.  Seriously.  I thought it was bad when my people had a guest visit with a big, scary dog I remember used to live here.  Cali, I think it was.

[My red dot.  Mine.]

 She and the puppies and that annoying Sylvie dominated the red dot and everything.  It was just so unfair.  I was so thankful to see her gone, and I about died with joy when she left again.  I was afraid she was going to move in.  Again.  But the yetis, oh, the yetis.  Okay, annoying hairballs.  Your turn. 

[This doggie is scary]

Bean the fun fun awesome puppy.  That's me.  Cali was great.  She was scary and huge and wanted to play with us, which was scary, but she was fun and awesome and fun.  

But scary.  

Yes, that was my sister, Angel.  She's kind of a wuss.  She's almost twice my size, but I kick her fuzzy tushy all the time 'cuz I'm big and mean.  

Well, not exactly big.  

Angel, I've got this.  And mean.  And big.  I can even kick Daddy's butt!  

Dodger:  Don't even try it, kid. 

[This doggie is scarier.]

I'll go stand over here.  Daddy's kind of mean.  Anyway, so last week, my people invited over humans that brought some really awesome big, fluffy, white dogs!  Well, one was big.  

[One yeti is big.  One is really really big.]

One was a huge monster mountain.  They take us on walks with the huge, scary yetis that make Cali look itty bitty. 

Yes, those would be the yetis.  Get on with it, mutts. 

[Walks with the yeti.]

Angel and I kind of hid behind our humans because the yetis are so big.  And they keep wanting to play.  I finally had to have my person pick me up.  

My person.  Mine.  She's mine. 

But then, we got home, and it was fun because the scary big doggies went home, and we were free to run and play and kill each other and have lots of fun.  It was fun.  

You're fired, dog.  You're not much of a storyteller.  You didn't even tell them how yetis have a tendency to make lots more yetis until we're up to our eyeballs in yetis.  Teach me to trust a dog, even a small one. 

Stuck with Puppies

[Me pointedly ignoring the little pest in the lefthand corner.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I hear the world is on lockdown.  Don't know what that's all about.  All I know is my person has been around a lot, which is great, but also that I've been up to my eyeballs in puppies for the last two weeks.  I hear it had something to do with their mom going into something called "heat," but none of it makes any sense to me.  All I know is that every time I turned around, there the loud, yappy things were, locked in with ME in MY room.

[Dumb Sylvie actually encourages them by playing with them.]

And here's the worse problem still: they like me.  Well, they like cats in general, in spite of my best efforts to show them we cats can't stand dogs, especially of the young variety.  Few things in life are worse than bouncy, enthusiastic puppies jumping all over you.  I claw at them, hiss at them, and just generally tell them to buzz off, but they keep bouncing back.

[Why does she like them when she has me?]

And my person likes them.  Seriously?  When she has me?  Why would she find a dog's company at all desirable after she's basked in the glory of a cat?  Now, it could be worse.  She could do this to me.

[Human clothes!  Bah!]

Or this.

[Shudder.  I hate this caterpillar costume.  See the other clothes they were thinking of trying on her?  Glad it's not me.]

Or this.

[The hairballs sleep in there at night.  Just no.]

So on the bright side, I can just watch her do this to them and laugh myself sick as they try to struggle their way out.  Finally, just these last few days, my person has finally let them out of my room.  Maybe it has something to do with the nasty, doggy smell in the house fading.  One way or another, it's a relief to mostly have my room to myself (and MY person).  Now, if only I could find some puppy repellant, some way to keep them out for good.  Or maybe I can grow some thumbs.  But that would mean I'd have to become a human, stuck wearing person clothes all the time.  Never mind.  I'm good being a cat.

Corona What? Silly Human Freakouts

[TP?  Who needs it? Source.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I keep hearing all the people around here and elsewhere freaking about the corona something.  I don't get it.  I thought Corona was something nasty humans drink.  I don't get why that's leading to mass hysteria.  Humans keep worrying about lack of toilet paper.  Cats have that dealt with this nicely, no need to rush anywhere and buy anything.  And washing hands?  Same thing.  I have this awesome sanitary tongue.  But you can't borrow it.  Humans are gross.

[School?  Who needs it? Source]

And no school or school at home?  I don't get school's purpose, anyway.  It just takes my person away from me.  I'm all about her staying home.  I'm also all about my person's mom working less.  It means I get more attention.  Not kidding.  I'm not seeing any downside here, unless other people are supposed to come here to go to this school something.  That would be a nightmare.  I just don't need warm bodies here that I can't claim.  See last week's blog.

[Food I can't find myself?  Who needs it? Source.]

And the food supply?  No worries.  We can catch mice.  We can hunt down table scraps if there are any.  If any bugs come by, we can get those, too, for extra protein.  Besides, there's always the magical food dish that refills itself every night.  If you don't have one, you should get one.

[Just be me.]

See?  There's no reason to freak out.  Just stay home.  Lounge around on the sofa.  Lick yourself and catch mice.  I do all of that all the time, anyway.  Just be a cat.  Then, you don't have any worries.