Nasty Rumors

[Cass thinks she can hide from my wrath.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I consider myself a fairly patient cat.  Stop laughing, Toothless.  Yeah, you, too, Sylvie.  Cass, you don't have to cower in the corner.  No, never mind.  Go ahead and cower.  Makes me feel better about life. 

[My least favorite barky little monsters.]

I let my people bring first one dog then two in my house.  I thought they were going too far when they let those fuzz balls then reproduce to make smaller fuzz balls that have taken over my people, my space, my life. 

[Having to share my person with the monsters, especially this one--that is not my happy face.]

Now, there are not two but FOUR barky little monsters using up the love and affection I deserve. I'm nice.  I haven't killed anybody yet.  Maybe a mouse or two or three.  Possibly five. 

[I was hoping she was just fat.  Really fat, really fast.]

Anyway, so now, I'm hearing rumors of a most alarming kind.  I heard that the little white mama dog wasn't just fat but was actually about to pop and produce MORE annoying fuzzballs to steal MORE of my dog food, my people's attention, my space, my peace.  Now, my people wouldn't let this happen, would they?  WOULD THEY?  Please tell me this is not a possibility.  I must hear it, or I might do more than sharpen my claws on the furniture and steal all the dog food. 

[Cute, sweet, little me trying to decide who needs to die.]

I'm a beautiful cat.  A sweet cat.  A darling, PATIENT, NON-HOMICIDAL cat.  But if this rumor proves to be true, I don't know who I'll kill.