Vulching like a Vulture

[I'm not amused by others sneaking between me and my plates of food.]

Ruru the Cat here. I used to be the one to perch over my people's plates every time, staking out my turf to make sure it was all mine. This was before my people were so foolish as to let the curse of puppies strike our house, before my people got addicted to letting silly little kittens or stray cats in my house.  The food was all mine, and they knew it. 

[Note the dumb cat vulching on the birthday cake that should have been mine.]

I could lay claim to an entire loaf of bread by chewing through the bag, be handed meat and cheese while my humans made dinner, and be handed the empty plates. Everyone knew their place, and it was to spoil me rotten.  It was my privilege, as my people would say, to "vulch," which, apparently, is derived from the word "vulture," whatever that means. 

[And now, there are more of them surrounding my cake.]

Now, Bean the eternal puppy, Varya the kitten, or one of the big, mean cats take my place. They chase me away if I even try to perch somewhere to await the dregs. I can scarcely go downstairs to get my own dinner anymore. My brother says this is my fault because I picked on all of them when they were little, and then every one of them got bigger than me. I say he doesn't get it. I'm the queen. It's my house. If they don't acknowledge it, that's their problem. 

Favorite Prey

 

[My favorite toy.]

Hi.  Ru isn't in the mood to write today.  I'm Varya the crazy kitten or maybe I'm a wolf. I'm not sure. I get called lots of things.  But I just wanted to talk about my favorite thing in the world: pipe cleaners.  I don't get why they're called that, but they're wiggly and amazing.  I bat at them, and they fight back. 

[The next best thing to a mouse.]

I keep hoping to find my very own mouse, but Paige steals all the pretend mice, and the guys seem to get to the live mice before I even know they're there.  I got to sniff a dead one, but it didn't play with me.  So instead, I haul around these lovely, fluffy things everywhere.  

Nobody fights me for them. I can drop one and kill it and kill it again.  They don't take up much space, and they're super lightweight.  Ru thinks I'm silly, but I think they're the best things in the world.  Everyone should get some. Even Ru. 

My Person Was there for Me!

 

[When it was just me]

Ruru the Cat here.  It's been a long time since my person has worshiped me properly.  I used to rule her room. It was great. It was a quiet space with just my person there to give me all the attention I wanted and then to stand by and be ready any time I wanted affection. Okay, so sometimes she pet me when I hadn't given her permission. I could forgive that as long as her room was all mine.  

[Tolerating Kittens]

Well, then the kittens all piled into my room, and it stopped being my room, a quiet space for just me and my person.  I couldn't even stand to be in there anymore because their smells were everywhere, covering up my own. And you know how monstery kittens can be.  They just won't leave you ALONE.  And there came one after another after another. And now, most of them are bigger than me.  

[Like this. Do this all the time.]

Well, this week, she gave me some real time. She didn't try to take me to her room. Nobody would have liked that because I've since claimed her maternal parent's room. There, I can be in silence and periodically get attention. Not as much as I'd like, but at least no one picks on me there. But my person just came up to me and pet me and pet me and rubbed my belly and my face and just didn't leave. It was the greatest moment I can remember. Now, if only I can get my person to worship me like that all the time, I'd almost be able to ignore the rest of the cats or even almost like them. Nah. But at least I'd get the worship I deserve.  

Aggressively Affectionate

[Me patiently ignoring the little monster.]

 Ru: This is Ruru the Cat. Like I said last week, I only tolerate my brother, Toothless, and the kitten, Varya, my brother because he knows I can beat his butt and the kitten because she's smaller than me. I do worry that situation won't last, which means I'll have to treat her like I do every other cat in the house: to put down my claws and make it clear who owns the house. It's not that I'm afraid of cats that are bigger than me. It's that they're all big and mean and deserve to be growled at. Stop laughing, Toothless. Well, because I tolerate her, I'm going to let Varya take my blog, so I don't have to.  

[Me and my good buddy on our person.]

Varya: Hi! Of course, Ru likes me! I'm everybody's best friend, whether they like it or not. I love to chase around and kill the puppy! It puts a big smile on that silly little dog's face. 

[Be my friend. Or else.]

I love to snuggle cats, even if they try to tell me to go away.  I love to pin them down and lick them until they love me.  I love everybody, even if I have to whip them into loving me. I love being everybody's best friend!

[Who knew this little dust bunny could be so scary?] 

Ru: Yeah, I'm a little bit nervouse for the day you do get bigger than me. You may MAKE me snuggle you. I think I'll be hiding in the drawer now.  

Butt Noodle Envy

 

[The only one I can handle on my cat tree 'cuz she's smaller than me.]

Ruru the Cat here. I've been hiding in my bedroom the last week. Too much cat drama. Didn't feel like blogging, either. It's hard to blog from an underwear drawer, too.  I mean, this is my house, right? Why am I stuck hiding all the time just because my humans aren't smart enough to get rid of some cats? The ones that aren't me? 

[The upstarts and their soft, soft tails taking over my cat tree.]

Anyway, so I was sitting on my favorite perch at the very top of my cat tree when the annoying brat Wren sat on the second-highest perch. I often remind him he's NOT welcome. This time was no different. But instead of respecting my prior claim, he just laid down, back to me and stuck his stinking butt noodle in my face, like he was trying to be as obnoxious as possible.  

[Can someone order me one of these plushy butt noodles?]

I mean, how is that all the youngest cats all ended up with such plushy butt noodles?  The humans can't seem to get enough of touching them. So I couldn't resist touching it, too. I grabbed it and licked it while he couldn't see me because I wanted to see how soft it was. And man, it was so soft and plushy.  Why couldn't I have such a plushy, soft tail? Humans wouldn't probably pet me twice as much if I had that amazing a tail. Why do the jerks get the plushy butt noodles when I get stuck with my sad, sorry, little one? Makes me grumpy.  Wren has the nerve to not only take over my house, but to challenge my right to the cat tree, and now, to have such a plushy tail. It's just not fair. I'll be over here, in my room that the adult humans think is there, working on plushing up my butt noodle. It'll make me feel better. Not as good as if I could just toss him and his plushy tail out the door. But I'll take what I can get. 

Invader!

 

[The BEAST.]

Ruru the Cat here.  That obnoxious, smelly, big beast is back.  I swear she's at least as big as all the regular dogs combined AND eats ALL the dog food, not just a little at a time AND she comes downstairs, invading the cats' turf. I just can't. I can't. It's not fair. It's my dog food.  It's my house. These are my smells she's covering up with her constant rolling around to show everyone her belly.  

[Hey, Jude, go away.]

And worse yet, this Jude monster has dominated the people non-stop. Not just the people but the WHOLE upstairs. The only cat who can even stand to be anywhere near her is Maya because Maya knows how to tell her where to stick it. I want to do more than growl at that beast, like Maya does.  I want to claw the crap out of her and tell her she's not now nor will she ever be welcome.  

But she's scary. And now, oh joy, she's gone. Apparently, it was just a short visit. And I never want to see her again. Remember this house is mine. So keep her out. 

Zoomies?

[Me and the only cat other than my brother I can mostly tolerate because she's still smaller than me.]

Ruru the Cat here.  The other cats have been bugging me to finally get around to writing my blog.  I didn't wanna.  I've been hiding in my person's mom's room all week 'cuz every time I come out, somebody picks on me.  Just 'cuz I'm smaller than everyone else.  Seriously.  Bullies.  

[Kittens are always in motion.]

Anyway, so it came to my attention humans have come up with yet another annoying word to describe cat behavior: zoomies.  Just 'cuz we suddenly get the need to zoom from one room to another to another.  I really wish humans would let cats come up with our own words. Not that we use words. We just hiss or growl or attack each other if we don't like each other's ear twitches, smells, and body language.  So maybe that wouldn't work so well for people.  Still.  Zoomies?  Such a silly word.  Not that I do the zoomie thing. Too many evil cats around to kill me if I run around like that.  

[I looooooove Zooooooooomies!]

Varya: I love zoomies!  Zoomies zoomies!  We can play tag! We can run all over and chase each other. It's amazing!  Phoenix, Wren, even Paige love zoomies!  It's the best thing ever! 

Ruru:  So crazy kittens like them, apparently.  It's probably because they're crazy.  At least crazy human words and acting like a demonically possessed nut make someone happy.  

Varya: Wheeee!  Zooooooooomies!