Puppies Are a Pain

(Just the cat with her person.  The right number on one lap.)

Ruru the Cat here.  My people are nuts.  They have all these wonderful, perfect cats around but still think they need dogs.  What are they thinking?  I told you last week about this new puppy, the pomchi, Twix.  He's about my size.  How am I supposed to take him seriously?  Besides, he's just too pretty.  And not very bright.  I was hoping he was just coming for a visit.  Turns out he's my person's new shadow.  I'm my person's shadow.  She did not, does not, never WILL need a dog to worship her.  She has a CAT she's supposed to worship.  Seriously, people.  Dogs are such a waste of space.  They don't catch mice.  They don't snuggle as well as cats.  They don't use litter boxes.  They're just not CATS.

                                                    (An overpopulated lap: too many dogs)

What?  No.  Really, Dodger, I do not want to hand my blog over to a dog.  Dogs leave dog slobber, dog fur, dog cooties.  No, Dodger, Twix does not need to borrow my keyboard.  Oh, that's just rude.  You will not lick me.  Get out of my face!  Fine.  I'll let stupid Twix take my stupid keyboard.  What did I tell you?  DOGS.

                                 (Cats are scary--see Ruru's demon eyes?)

Hi.  I'm Twix.  Are you sure it's okay, Dodger?  Ruru won't hurt me if I use her keyboard?  I came from a place where I was hurt a lot.  I mean, a lot.  I had to be rescued from a hot car, where they left me for a long, long time until I almost died.  It was scary.  And my people, my master and her boyfriend, hurt me and scared me a lot.  I loved them, but it was hard.  I'm only 10 months old.  I have too many scary memories.  I don't like to be hurt.  

Another lady had to rescue me from that hot car and took really good care of me.  I hoped she would be my master, but it turns out she decided she had too many dogs in too little space and not enough time for me, so she wanted a better place to put me.  Isn't she sweet?  

(Me being happy.)

I'm happy here at my new home except when anybody but my new master tries to touch me or comes into my master's room.  All of that is scary to me because I never know if they're going to hurt me like my old masters.  Oh, and I'm scared of cats.  Kind of, anyway.  Especially Ruru, who seems to see my new master as her person and only her person.  Ruru hisses at me sometimes.  

I like to sit in peace and quiet for hours at a time and just bask in the glow of my new master.  She is so wonderful to me.  She pets me and carries me around like a baby and pets me and snuggles me and lets me snuggle her.  She's so great.  I'm getting used to the other people around here.  There's my master and my master's mom.  I like my master's mom because she pets me and feeds me and gives me water and treats and takes me for walks. There's my master's brother.  He's okay because he's small.  I've figured out small people are good.  Big people can be bad.  The one I still find scary is my master's daddy.  He's only been nice to me, but I know big people are scary.  And he's big.  I'm just sure he's going to try to eat me or something.  So I run away whenever he's near.  But I know my master will protect me 'cuz she's way awesome.  Nobody could be awesomer.  Did I tell you she's awesome?  Okay, Ruru, you can have your keyboard back.  But first, stop hissing.  Please?  

                      (This saintly cat tolerating human crap)

Hey, Ruru again.  I can definitely agree that MY person is wonderful.  Wow, that Twix is a wuss.  He seems to be scared of his own shadow.  Scared of cats?  How can you be scared of cats?  Cats are wonderful.  Cats are the center of the universe.  Especially me.  I mean it.  Just "bask" in my glow.  I dare you.

Dog Confusion

Ruru the Cat here.  So I was almost getting used to the big, obnoxious, slobbering, obnoxious, annoying, loud, bouncy, energetic--did I mention obnoxious?--dog, Izzy.  Almost used to is not the same thing as liking, mind you.  I could tolerate when she ate from my...I mean her...bowl.  I never did get used to the way she'd come into our space downstairs, steal our food, and sometimes get into our litterbox.  I sometimes let her sniff me, but I never let her play with me.  Ever.

Anyway, so I'm not sure where she went today, but she went somewhere.  And then this other THING showed up.  It's much smaller and less bouncy.  It looks and smells a lot like our resident brainless throw rug dog wannabe, Dodger.  It almost seems SCARED of me.  I can hiss or scratch at it, and instead of jumping in to try to eat my head like Izzy may have, this new thing backs up and whimpers.  I don't like how it clings to my person.  This is MY person, not its person.  But I like that I can scare it.  I like that a lot.  I wonder how the house is going to change with TWO brainless dog wannabes in the house.  And I hope Izzy takes her time in coming back.  'Cuz she's obnoxious.  Really.

"School" Is a Naughty Word

                                                           (How life is supposed to be)

Ruru the Cat here.  So when my person disappeared for a few days last week, talking about that terrible S word, "school," I hoped it was kind of a fluke or a joke or something.  I remembered that I didn't like that word for a reason.  But for weeks and weeks and weeks, my person has been holding and loving me.  She's been there for me whenever I wanted her.  Now, she leaves me for hours at a time, and I hear that awful S word a lot, both before she leaves and when she comes back.  I'm stuck looking for attention from my person's mom, and she's so busy that I don't get all the attention I crave.

I've tried and tried to imagine what "school" means.  I know one time, I had a horrible experience of getting dragged into what they called a "school."  I was stuck in a cage while everyone around me ate yummy smelling food.  Is that what school means?  That you get stuck in a trap all day and sit around, wondering what exciting things you're missing out on?  I can't imagine what's so exciting and wonderful that it's more important than sitting around and holding me.

I wish I could convince my person that doing anything but holding me is a waste of time.  She's smart.  I betcha if I tried really hard, I could do it.  Now, if only I could speak person.

Fidget Spinners Are Stupid

Ruru the Cat here.  I thought about whining about how someone tripped on my paw last night, and now I've been limping all day.  But I don't want to think about it.  I'd rather sleep it off.  

What really bugs me is that my person busted out this really cool looking thing that goes around and around and around.  I tried to attack and kill it because it was moving.  Anything small that moves is yummy, right?  

No!  Not right!  I tried to bite it, and it flipped me in the face.  I tried to paw it, and it flipped me in the paw.  My person thought it was hilarious.  She laughed every time I attacked the thing and got slapped.  So I stopped attacking it.  

But then my person brought it CLOSER.  The demonic thing tormented me with its movement, taunting me and daring me to attack it again.  I still sat back, refusing with all my will power.  

Then she stuck it in my face, flapping it across my whiskers, so I HAD to attack it.  Had to.  It's what cats do.  But then it flipped me AGAIN.  I don't get why people find these crazy things interesting and how my person can be so cruel.  Humans are mean by nature, creating these cool things that attack back.  I'll be over here, licking the paw that got stepped on AND the one attacked by that stupid person toy.  And pondering mean thoughts at anyone who would think these things even make sense.  

All in My Perspective

Awesome Me, All Alone

Ruru the Cat here.  My person left for three whole days.  Three days!  I guessed it was going to happen when I saw the heaping bowls of cat food, when I saw the people gathering bags of things and taking them out of the house.  

But then she left, really left me.  I was all alone.  Except for the other cats.  And the snakes and lizards and stuff.  Oh, and people.  My person's cousins wandered around and petted me.  They held me, dragged me around, gave me love, and more importantly, food.  But it wasn't the right kind of love, and the food didn't taste right because it wasn't from her.   

Hey, hey.  That's my keyboard.  Keep your dog cooties away!

                                                                            Izzy

My name is Izzy.  Remember me?  I'm the dog.  Well, the real dog.  The other one is my chew toy.  I like my chew toy.  He yips and jumps around and plays with me.  But he's not a real dog.  Wait.  What was I saying?  Oh, right.  My people left me, too, but they left me far from home.  Ruru thinks it's bad to be alone at home without her person.  I watched my person walk away from me and leave me in a house.  A big house with food and water and people who snuggled me and played with me and gave me treats and let me run outside and gave me treats and more treats and...wait.  Where was I going?  Oh, yeah.  My person walked away. And I didn't like it at all.  I barked and barked and barked and barked for her to come back.  But she didn't.  She just kept walking and leaving me with these people who spoiled me and snuggled me and hugged me and treated me like a princess.  Wait.  That didn't come out right.  It was bad.  Really bad that my person left me for days and days and days and it was horrible.  Except the part about the treats and snuggles and hugs and spoiling.  

You know what?  You seem to think you've been through something bad, but none of that sounds bad at all.  Not even sort of.  You don't even like my person very much.  You have a different person.  Your person isn't awesome like my person, so when your person leaves you, it's not that bad.  Okay, Izzy's chew toy.  You're over there jumping around and acting like you need attention.  What, Dodger, did you suffer over those three days, too?  

No, it was great!  

Not this again! 

                                                                              Dodger

It was really really great.  We went camping again. I had my person the whole time for nights and nights.  No cats or annoying big dogs.  One, maybe, but it was mostly me and my person.  There was one weird night where it got darker and darker and darker and then lighter like really fast.  Weird night.  But it was really great 'cuz I got snuggled by my person.  I buried most of the food she tried to offer me 'cuz I didn't want it.  Except the bacon 'cuz Izzy wasn't nearby to steal it.  But my person was there, and that's what was important.  They kept talking about this thing called an eclipse, and it sounded like a big thing.  My person left me to go toward scary falling water, and I wouldn't even follow her because of the scary falling water.  I wonder if that's an eclipse.  But other than the water fall, eclipse or whatever people call it, it was a great trip.  Oh, and sometimes, my person walked away for an hour or two and left me on a leash and didn't snuggle me all the time.  But she came back for me, and it was great.  

Once again, thank you for telling us absolutely nothing about what camping is.  Just that it was great.  All this talk about eclipses and falling water and whatever.  So one dog tells me nothing, and one dog tells me even less.  Man, dogs are useless.  

People and Their Weird Stuff

Ruru the Cat here.  People are always shoving goofy things in my face as if I'm supposed to find them interesting.  Seriously.  All I want is snuggles.  And food.  Lots of food.  Is that too much to ask?  Instead, people are doing these weird things to me.   There's only one stuffed something I want in my face, and that's the one above.

Not this one: 

Definitely not this one: 

And this bizarre flashy one is right out: 

My people also think it's funny to stick me in a hat.  

It's not.  See that smothered furry thing at the bottom?  That's me.  Not happy.  Better a hat, though, than this number: 

Or worse yet, this one: 

Tape=suck.  Lots of suck.  If you pull this crap on me, I'll hide here: 

Or maybe here: 

I'll be tired, but at least I'll be safe.  And you'll never find me.  Consider yourself warned, crazy person.  

Camping? What's That?

Ruru the Cat here.  Last week, the really dumb hairball my people seem to think is a dog begged me ALL WEEK long to share his outdoor adventure.  See, I don't think he can string three words together, so don't expect much.  Izzy, the monster dog I still don't like but tolerate, at least owns a brain cell.  This thing my people call a Pomeranian seems to be little more than a grumpy throw rug.  But I'd rather get him off my back, so here he goes:

Wow!  Wowowowowow!  Ruru let me say stuff.  I wanted to say stuff, and she finally said yes.  I'm so happy!  My person did an amazing amazing amazing thing!  What was I saying?  

Seriously?  You wanted to talk about your camping trip.  People out there, I warned you.  Dodger's not the sharpest bulb in the box.  Even as dogs go.  Camping trip.  Dodger, tell us about that stupid camping trip of yours.  Whatever a camping trip is.  

Yes!  It was great!  I got to ride on my person's lap in the car, and it was great!  And I got to follow my person into a camping housy like thingy.  And then I got to sleep by her ALL NIGHT LONG.  And she took me for a walk in the middle of trees!  Everything was great!  It was really really great.  What was I saying?

Well, thank you, Dodger, for enlightening us about absolutely nothing.  I get the feeling you did something outside, and it was great.  

Yeah, great.  It was great.  

I still don't understand what camping is or how it was great or...anything.  But at least Dodger is going to shut up.  

Did I tell you it was great?  I got to smell my person all night long.  And it was...

Great.  Yes.  We know.  Thank you, truly inspiring.  Teach me to trust a dog to do or say anything.