Showing posts with label camping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label camping. Show all posts

Monday, June 25, 2018

Summertime Blues


[Feeling alone and forsaken.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My person is a big fat jerk.  She LEFT me for FOUR WHOLE DAYS!!!!  Four days!  Cats just don't live as long as people.  You may call it four days, but I call it a BAZILLION days 'cuz that's what it felt like.  It was great to have a break from the dogs.  And I loved that my person left the whole barrel of cat food open, so I could get as much as I could cram into my little tummy.  But it just didn't make up for a bazillion days without my person.  Ah, man.  The dumb dog wants to talk about his little piffling "trauma."  Seriously.  I'm sure it can't compete with what I suffered. 

(You wouldn't leave an adorable friend like me, would you?)


Twixie the dog here.  It was so very hard.  I was all alone in the backyard of almost strangers.

                           (Me. Dodger.)  

I was there, too.  You weren't alone.   

Whatever, Dodger.  You don't count.  You're not my person.  Be a good boy and play dead.  I was ALL ALONE in that backyard for DAYS and DAYS.  A scary dog next door barked and barked and barked.  The annoying Pomeranian in my kennel ate all my food.  

Who could eat with my mommy gone?  

Shut up, Dodger.  That dumb dog ate all my food, leaving me starving and with water that tasted old.  But worst of all, my  person was gone.  It was dark and cold and dark.  And there was no mommy!  It was terrible.  But, now, we're home.  So it's good and wonderful and great again.  Life is beautiful! 

Yup yup yup.  

Shut up, Dodger.  

                                                  (Me, glaring because dogs are stupid.)

Shut up both of you.  Just 'cuz my person is back doesn't mean I have to forgive her right away.  She even had the nerve to come back smelling funky like fire and trees and rotten eggs.  Oh, and bacon.  She was clearly eating bacon without sharing.  I think she said something about Yellowstone.  I don't get what that means, but I won't forgive her in a hurry.  I'll let her snuggle me and feed me and snuggle me some more.  But I'm still pretty upset and bet you she'll leave me again soon. 

                                       (Humans?  Who needs humans?)

asdfdsg Mammalssss are pitiful.  We reptilesss do not need humanssss.  Mine returned and offered me a rat and some body heat, but I could live quite niccccely for daysss and daysss without a perssson.  jlkkl/



SHUT UP, KEYLIME PYTHON!!!  All us fluffy types agree that the snakey part of this blog needs to curl up in a corner somewhere and stop writing on my blog, especially with the way you have to slither across the keyboard , writing random crap to get there.    People should never abandon their innocent animals, not for four days or four hours.  Ever.  That's a way more important rule than how to feed me properly, like I talked about last week. 

Rule number one.  Never.  Leave.  The.  Cat. 

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Camping? What's That?



Ruru the Cat here.  Last week, the really dumb hairball my people seem to think is a dog begged me ALL WEEK long to share his outdoor adventure.  See, I don't think he can string three words together, so don't expect much.  Izzy, the monster dog I still don't like but tolerate, at least owns a brain cell.  This thing my people call a Pomeranian seems to be little more than a grumpy throw rug.  But I'd rather get him off my back, so here he goes:

Wow!  Wowowowowow!  Ruru let me say stuff.  I wanted to say stuff, and she finally said yes.  I'm so happy!  My person did an amazing amazing amazing thing!  What was I saying?  

Seriously?  You wanted to talk about your camping trip.  People out there, I warned you.  Dodger's not the sharpest bulb in the box.  Even as dogs go.  Camping trip.  Dodger, tell us about that stupid camping trip of yours.  Whatever a camping trip is.  

Yes!  It was great!  I got to ride on my person's lap in the car, and it was great!  And I got to follow my person into a camping housy like thingy.  And then I got to sleep by her ALL NIGHT LONG.  And she took me for a walk in the middle of trees!  Everything was great!  It was really really great.  What was I saying?

Well, thank you, Dodger, for enlightening us about absolutely nothing.  I get the feeling you did something outside, and it was great.  

Yeah, great.  It was great.  

I still don't understand what camping is or how it was great or...anything.  But at least Dodger is going to shut up.  

Did I tell you it was great?  I got to smell my person all night long.  And it was...

Great.  Yes.  We know.  Thank you, truly inspiring.  Teach me to trust a dog to do or say anything.