Mine Now

[Here's when I should have noped. Now, she's almost twice my size.]

Ru: 

Ruru the Cat here.  My spot has been stolen twice over, so I've taken someone else's.  My people first brought in one kitten.  She didn't hiss or growl at me, so I adopted her.  I let her borrow a little corner of my room with my person.  Very nice of me.  Yeah, well, shows me to be merciful.  She took over. 

[I do not approve. Demon Kitten has taken over everything, including the dog I don't like.]

And then, a kitten I don't even like came in and took over the REST of it.  It's not even mine anymore.  My person is dominated by Demon Kitten and my baby.  Teach me to be nice.  

[I like the new kitten]

Dude: I'd love to, but you won't let me.  

Ru: Dude, bite me. 

Dude: You'll let me?  

[I'll go where I can get attention but also privacy.]

Ru: GAH!  I'll just go to my person's mom's room now.  It's quiet.  Sometimes, humans come in and pet me.  No other cats are allowed in there.  Even the dogs mostly stay out.  I'm just calling it mine. 

A Crazy Mystery!

[Not sure what it is.]

 Beanie the doggie here! Ru left her blog open and went to hide somewhere else! So I'm here, and want to know what this thing is!  It's this clump of something, kind of like a poop!  It smells funny!  It's cold!  I have no clue what it is!  I've never seen it before, well, not up close!

[On my mommy's head!]

It even sits on people's heads!  My mommy's head!  I tried to sit on her shoulder like I do, but they wouldn't let me!  It doesn't seem to do much!  It doesn't smell like anything scary, but it doesn't smell like anything I understand!  Why is it on Mommy's head? 

[I like it better on the boy's head.  Then, I can sit on Mommy's shoulder.]

I don't know what it likes about heads!  I just don't get what it is!  I think it's an animal!   Oh, look!  It's Ru!  I'm just trying to figure out what this thing is!  

[The ball of death string.]

Seriously, dumb dog, what are you doing getting that close to a dangerous predator?  And can you quit it with the exclamation points, already?  The thing's a killer, a coiled bringer of death that can wrap its muscular tail around you and choke the life out of you.  She won't with you because you're a twig with hair. Less meat than the frozen rats she actually eats.  You need to fear her, nonetheless.  Better yet, fear me.  I'm more dangerous than she is, so you should give me your food.  All of it. 'Cuz I'm scary like that.  

You Gotta Try This

[I don't approve of either of these kittens nor this blog because it's by one of these upstarts.]

 Ru: 

Ruru the Cat here.  The ever-obnoxious Dude wants to tell you about something.  I don't see the point of letting him use my blog, but he won't leave me alone about it.  Spoiler alert.  It's a rug and a tunnel thingie.  I don't understand their purpose myself, but he seems to love them.  And I know I won't hear the end of it until I let him use my blog.  So here you go for a waste of time. 

[Watch us ignore Ru]

Dude: 

Hey, guys, it's Dude aka Casper aka Mr. MeowMeow here!  Ignore Ru.  We do.  

Ru: 

Hey!

[Check out my magic carpet.]

Dude: 

So, check it.  The people around here have done something amazing.  They gave us not one but TWO awesome things.  They put down this plush, soft, snuggly carpet that has very few smells for us to lay and roll around on and kill.  I love it so much that I can't get enough.  It's my favorite place to be now (except on my person's lap, that juvenile male who has hands to pet me.  Love that boy.  He's all mine, too.  Ru, the crazy, doesn't even want him.  I sit on him every chance I get.)  

[My most epic tunnel.]

Better yet, they also got us this tunnel thing.  It's got a dangly toy at the end and lots of holes you can dart in and out of.  The humans don't seem to have a use for it, so it's all ours.  I chase Paige, Chonk, Bean my puppy buddy, and little Dude (Wren, that new kitten) in and out of it.  We'll even kill each other in peace and harmony in the tunnel.  It's kind of like a box but even better.  I feel safe and playful whenever I get in there.  It's so cool you should definitely get one and climb inside.  You won't regret it!  Okay, Ru, back to you.  

Ru: 

Yeah, I'd love to see some human rolling around on that carpet and trying to climb inside that cat-sized tunnel.  That would make my day.  They'd look like a worm, white and flopping around, and I could swat their toes and laugh so hard I cry.  Great image.  Can we get this done? 

Just Say No

[I'd be having a heart attack]

Ruru the Cat here.  What is it with dogs and water?  You put them in a bath, and they're not happy, but they don't try to kill somebody.  I would.  But you get them near a pool, and they actually JUMP in.  My dumb dog's baby sister does it.  I hear they put her on this floaty thingy and she hops right in, like she's some kind of funny-looking fish.  

[Run, Bean, Run!]

Last year, my person or her brother would get my dumb dog, Bean, anywhere near that pool, and he'd hop right in to get to his person.  He'd SWIM.  I don't get it.  Water is the very devil, even worse than a dog.  The stuff can kill you.   Did you know that?  My person used to take delight in bathing us cats.  It was twisted and just WRONG.  I'm so glad she got that out of her system.  

[Humans and water.  Go figure.]

See, humans are worst of all.  They put water in pools and tubs and such and intentionally get in.  They CHOOSE to get wet.  Like, on purpose.  They seek out places to get into actual water, especially this time of year.  I know, I know, it's hard to believe.  I don't understand that at all.  The only thing water is good for is to drink, and I'd pass it up entirely if people would just give me milk like good boys and girls.  Just say NO to water.