How to Water and how not to Water

[The cat who knows how to Water.]

Ruru the Cat here. I know what water is for. Me. Obviously. If a person is in the tub, I will sit there and order the person to serve me nice, warm person soup. I'll have them put splashes of bath water on the side of the tub, so I can lap it up. That's the ideal and the best water around. I've shown a few other cats that's the way to go. 

[Here is one of the only acceptable ways to Water.]

Failing that, fine, I'll either make sure they freshen up my water dish, so it hasn't been sitting around more than an hour. Otherwise, it gets nasty and stale. I'll also order humans to turn the water in the sink on. That's fresh enough, too. It's a good thing humans have hands. Otherwise, they'd make lousy servants. Even then, they miss more than a few beats. 

[Check out the soggy tail. This is not how to water.]

Meanwhile, Phoenix just doesn't get it. She tries to follow my lead and sit on the edge of the tub to drink person soup, but all too often, she ends up landing butt-first in the tub or slip on the water and land on the floor. It's hilarious, but it's not at all how to properly enjoy water. Even the humans can't help but laugh when she goes tearing through the house, dripping water everywhere. Moral of the story? Be like me. I get how to properly enjoy water.  

Just Say No

[I'd be having a heart attack]

Ruru the Cat here.  What is it with dogs and water?  You put them in a bath, and they're not happy, but they don't try to kill somebody.  I would.  But you get them near a pool, and they actually JUMP in.  My dumb dog's baby sister does it.  I hear they put her on this floaty thingy and she hops right in, like she's some kind of funny-looking fish.  

[Run, Bean, Run!]

Last year, my person or her brother would get my dumb dog, Bean, anywhere near that pool, and he'd hop right in to get to his person.  He'd SWIM.  I don't get it.  Water is the very devil, even worse than a dog.  The stuff can kill you.   Did you know that?  My person used to take delight in bathing us cats.  It was twisted and just WRONG.  I'm so glad she got that out of her system.  

[Humans and water.  Go figure.]

See, humans are worst of all.  They put water in pools and tubs and such and intentionally get in.  They CHOOSE to get wet.  Like, on purpose.  They seek out places to get into actual water, especially this time of year.  I know, I know, it's hard to believe.  I don't understand that at all.  The only thing water is good for is to drink, and I'd pass it up entirely if people would just give me milk like good boys and girls.  Just say NO to water.