Surveying the Troops

[The monster crept into my house, overshadowing everything.]

Ru: 

Ruru the Cat here.   Like I said in my last blog—last night –I explained what a horrid nightmare was this kitten, Wren.  He steals my dog food.  Yeah, I know, who doesn't?  He steals my spot at the top of the cat tree.  My tree.  I'm the star on this tree.  It feels like we have 20 of him because he's EVERYWHERE killing everything, toes, tails, toys, rubber bands, cords, my sofa, my people, my space, my life.  For such a tiny little thing, the space he takes up is HUGE.  Okay, guys, how much do you loathe the new kitten?  A bunch or a lot?  I want an honest and scientific survey here.  

[Kitten? What kitten?]

Python:  

Kitten?  What'sss a kitten?  I haven't ssseen one. I may have sssmelled it, but I can't be sssure.  I wonder how they tasste. 

Beardie: 

If a kitten's a kind of cricket, sign me up.  If it's a cat like you, nope.  One dumped my cage and nearly killed me.  

[Just nope.]

Gecko: 

I do not care for cats of any size or breed.  One tipped my cage, so I was compelled to hunt my own sustenance while lurking around my house for six months.  And they assassinated my companion.  Cats are not my allies, so depart. 

Ru: 

Well, that's three votes for no kittens. 

Gecko: 

Or cats. 

Ru: 

Who asked you? 

Gecko: 

You did. 

Ru: 

Okay, everyone whose vote matters 'cuz you have fur and four legs, how much does it stink to have a kitten in the house?  

[My new friend!]

Bean: 

Wow oh wow!  He's amazing!  I love kittens!  They're so amazing and so fun!  And he was scared of me at first, but now, he loves me!  I want 20 kittens just like him!  

Ru: 

Seriously?  20?  One already feels like 20.  You're making me look bad.  And what did I tell you about exclamation points? Other dogs, tell me it bugs you they steal your food.  

[Kitten standing in a line to steal dog food, while the dogs don't even notice.]

Dodger: 

Wait.  Someone's stealing my food?  

Ru: 

Yes.  We all do.  All the time.  We all know you're well-behaved furniture whose sole function is to make the food available for us. 

[I love you.]

Dodger: 

Ru said I'm well behaved.  I'm a good boy! 

Snow: 

Wren's sweet, like a little puppy.  I want to cuddle him.  

Ru: 

Well, so much for the lint-on-a-leash vote.  Way to let the reptiles show you up.  Someone here hates the kitten.  I know it.   

[Poor page..scared of everyone, including the little kitten.]

Chunk: 

Wren's okay.  He kinda scares Paige, but he doesn't bother me. 

Paige: 

kitten!  ahhh!  he's gonna kill me!

Ru: 

Everything scares Paige.  Come on, Dude, don't fail me.  

[Meet my new best friend.]

Dude: 

Bean's right.  Wren's so much fun.  I know we're going to be best friends once he gets big enough we can brawl.  Now, I like to chase him.  See, Ru, not everybody's you.  

Maya: 

I can't stand him.  Wherever I want to sit, there he is.  I'm too old for this.  

Ru: 

You have a point.  For once.  But you're too old for everything, and nobody likes you, anyway.  Guys, what's the deal?  He's obnoxious.  He's loud.  He doesn't hold still. You get it, right?  

[Hey, look, he's holding still.  Don't get used to it.]

Wren: 

Will you be my friend? 

Ru: 

That's it.  I'm leaving.  

Wren: 

Dibs on your spot!  And the dog food!

Ru: 

ARGH!