Not HER! No Way!

 

[We are not amused.]

Ru: Ruru the Cat here.  No.  I just can't.  Seriously.  I can't.  Not again.  There aren't words.  Just no.  

[My human is a traitor.]

Dude:

Hey, Casper the Friendly Poltergeist, aka Dude, standing by to take over.  What Ruru the wuss can't bring herself to say is that the stupid person-stealing dog, Skittles, came back.  I shouldn't have guessed as much when our people never promised she wouldn't.  People tend to have a rebellious streak I don't understand.  I know, I've only been around for a year. 

Ru: 

Which makes you an itty bitty baby who's wrong about everything but this.  Humans are mighty uppity for oversized bald things that can't even catch mice with their sad, sorry little claws or flat teeth. Ru out again.  

[You won't catch me close to that face-slapper, Ru.  That's Chunk.]

Dude: 

Hey, old lady, if you're gonna make someone else write your blog for you, the least you can do is BUTT OUT and just let me do it.  Sheesh.  You'd almost think she ruled the world.  

Ru: 

I do.  And you wouldn't catch me anywhere near you, either, squirt.  

[My boy hobnobbing with that food thief while trying to give me a little time.]

Dude: 

Ru, you jump in here one more time, and I'll make you do it.  So without warning, there Skittles was, just taking over my person again and stealing the leftovers, especially the meat.  She'd even growl at me if I tried to get any love from my own person, that huge kid I've claimed.  I'd try to sneak over there, and she was there, wherever I wanted to be.  It stunk.  Seriously.  Glad she's finally gone again, but I don't know where she may show up again.  She haunts my nightmares.  Just don't do that to a cat. Okay, Ru, go ahead. 

Ru: At least Dude got something right.  I even tried to sneak up and get love from that huge juvenile male that used to be so small.  I mean, my person was hidden away in her room, sick like she has been for a week.  My backup person, my person's mom, was busy.  So I had to find a spare pair of hands somewhere.  And here was this male human with perfectly good hands, and he was using them on a dog.  The nerve.  It's bad enough when Dude steals the hands I want.  Worse yet when some strange dog does it.  So we both agree.  Humans, next time you want to get a new dog in here, fill out some forms to request it from the cats who rule the world, so we can burn your application.  Seriously.  No dogs allowed.