New Thing in My House

[The old sofa was fine.  Why do we need to change it?]

Ruru the Cat here.  So a thing happened.  I don't know that it's a big thing.  My people got rid of the old sofa and replaced It with a big thing that takes up all the space.  On the bright side, I can get behind it and look around for mice.  On the not so bright side, the other cats are often back there, too.  I really don't get much use out of it, so I don't know why anyone would want to do a thing like this.  I just don't like change, and no one asked my permission.  

[Did I mention it smells like someone else's dog?]

Wheeeeee!  This is Bean the puppy!  I can bounce and bounce and play on it and run across it back and forth across every person.  It's so bouncy!  My people are right there, all in a row, so I can bounce off all of them!  I can make footprints and bounce and bounce and bounce!  I love it!  I miss the spot on the old sofa where we could scratch at it and make a hole bigger.  It was great.  But this is good, too!

[The annoying puppies on the old recliner, which also left.]

Well, as long as the annoying hairball is messing around downstairs, he doesn't invade my turf.  But sometimes, the people stick him in my room.  As long as he has his bouncy, happy play space downstairs, I don't think that's necessary.  So keep the hairball away.  Or better yet, send him to wherever you sent the old sofa.  Yeah.  Do that.  You do have my permission for that. 

No More Yetis!

[Look at the scary Cali]

I can't even.  This is Ru the Cat, but I'm just not...I can't talk about this subject without wanting to claw someone's eyes out.  Seriously.  I thought it was bad when my people had a guest visit with a big, scary dog I remember used to live here.  Cali, I think it was.

[My red dot.  Mine.]

 She and the puppies and that annoying Sylvie dominated the red dot and everything.  It was just so unfair.  I was so thankful to see her gone, and I about died with joy when she left again.  I was afraid she was going to move in.  Again.  But the yetis, oh, the yetis.  Okay, annoying hairballs.  Your turn. 

[This doggie is scary]

Bean the fun fun awesome puppy.  That's me.  Cali was great.  She was scary and huge and wanted to play with us, which was scary, but she was fun and awesome and fun.  

But scary.  

Yes, that was my sister, Angel.  She's kind of a wuss.  She's almost twice my size, but I kick her fuzzy tushy all the time 'cuz I'm big and mean.  

Well, not exactly big.  

Angel, I've got this.  And mean.  And big.  I can even kick Daddy's butt!  

Dodger:  Don't even try it, kid. 

[This doggie is scarier.]

I'll go stand over here.  Daddy's kind of mean.  Anyway, so last week, my people invited over humans that brought some really awesome big, fluffy, white dogs!  Well, one was big.  

[One yeti is big.  One is really really big.]

One was a huge monster mountain.  They take us on walks with the huge, scary yetis that make Cali look itty bitty. 

Yes, those would be the yetis.  Get on with it, mutts. 

[Walks with the yeti.]

Angel and I kind of hid behind our humans because the yetis are so big.  And they keep wanting to play.  I finally had to have my person pick me up.  

My person.  Mine.  She's mine. 

But then, we got home, and it was fun because the scary big doggies went home, and we were free to run and play and kill each other and have lots of fun.  It was fun.  

You're fired, dog.  You're not much of a storyteller.  You didn't even tell them how yetis have a tendency to make lots more yetis until we're up to our eyeballs in yetis.  Teach me to trust a dog, even a small one. 

Stuck with Puppies

[Me pointedly ignoring the little pest in the lefthand corner.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I hear the world is on lockdown.  Don't know what that's all about.  All I know is my person has been around a lot, which is great, but also that I've been up to my eyeballs in puppies for the last two weeks.  I hear it had something to do with their mom going into something called "heat," but none of it makes any sense to me.  All I know is that every time I turned around, there the loud, yappy things were, locked in with ME in MY room.

[Dumb Sylvie actually encourages them by playing with them.]

And here's the worse problem still: they like me.  Well, they like cats in general, in spite of my best efforts to show them we cats can't stand dogs, especially of the young variety.  Few things in life are worse than bouncy, enthusiastic puppies jumping all over you.  I claw at them, hiss at them, and just generally tell them to buzz off, but they keep bouncing back.

[Why does she like them when she has me?]

And my person likes them.  Seriously?  When she has me?  Why would she find a dog's company at all desirable after she's basked in the glory of a cat?  Now, it could be worse.  She could do this to me.

[Human clothes!  Bah!]

Or this.

[Shudder.  I hate this caterpillar costume.  See the other clothes they were thinking of trying on her?  Glad it's not me.]

Or this.

[The hairballs sleep in there at night.  Just no.]

So on the bright side, I can just watch her do this to them and laugh myself sick as they try to struggle their way out.  Finally, just these last few days, my person has finally let them out of my room.  Maybe it has something to do with the nasty, doggy smell in the house fading.  One way or another, it's a relief to mostly have my room to myself (and MY person).  Now, if only I could find some puppy repellant, some way to keep them out for good.  Or maybe I can grow some thumbs.  But that would mean I'd have to become a human, stuck wearing person clothes all the time.  Never mind.  I'm good being a cat.

Corona What? Silly Human Freakouts

[TP?  Who needs it? Source.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I keep hearing all the people around here and elsewhere freaking about the corona something.  I don't get it.  I thought Corona was something nasty humans drink.  I don't get why that's leading to mass hysteria.  Humans keep worrying about lack of toilet paper.  Cats have that dealt with this nicely, no need to rush anywhere and buy anything.  And washing hands?  Same thing.  I have this awesome sanitary tongue.  But you can't borrow it.  Humans are gross.

[School?  Who needs it? Source]

And no school or school at home?  I don't get school's purpose, anyway.  It just takes my person away from me.  I'm all about her staying home.  I'm also all about my person's mom working less.  It means I get more attention.  Not kidding.  I'm not seeing any downside here, unless other people are supposed to come here to go to this school something.  That would be a nightmare.  I just don't need warm bodies here that I can't claim.  See last week's blog.

[Food I can't find myself?  Who needs it? Source.]

And the food supply?  No worries.  We can catch mice.  We can hunt down table scraps if there are any.  If any bugs come by, we can get those, too, for extra protein.  Besides, there's always the magical food dish that refills itself every night.  If you don't have one, you should get one.

[Just be me.]

See?  There's no reason to freak out.  Just stay home.  Lounge around on the sofa.  Lick yourself and catch mice.  I do all of that all the time, anyway.  Just be a cat.  Then, you don't have any worries.

Invader

[The new public enemy #1]

Ruru the Cat here.  Was this some cosmic joke?  We have FOUR dogs.  FOUR.  Two dogs, two puppies.  It feels like we have 26 puppies because they're EVERYWHERE.  This week, a neighbor shows up with a new dog who's about the size of the mama dog.  Seriously?  26 is not enough for everyone? 

[This is just too much.  That hand should be mine.]

But the truly frustrating thing was that this dog wanted to be the center of everyone's attention.  No sooner would she leave one person than she'd glom onto another.  Everyone with hands had to give her and ONLY her love.  If two puppies could become 26, this dog seemed like fifty.  That's 76 little dogs taking over my house.  One dog is too many.  This kind of math is ridiculous. 

[At first, it seemed like she could keep her distance, would just be just another dog.]

If one of we cats snuck out to spend quality time with a person to get some attention, the dog would growl and show she'd claimed every set of hands in the house.  The puppies were able to sneak in and get love.  They just ignored her growling.  But we cats kind of have to take dog chasing seriously.  You never know when a dog, even a tiny, dumb dog, can actually hurt you. 

[Then, suddenly, she seemed to be everywhere!]

It was frustrating, to say the least.  Day after day, this dog was here, taking up all the love that should have been mine.  It drove me insane.  Then, a beautiful thing happened.  The person who dropped her off came to pick her up.  Something about a new home for that ugly little love-stealing mutt.  I felt like Christmas and birthday and everything beautiful had come early.  I'm free!  Suddenly, 26 annoying little puppies don't seem so bad. 

Weird Stuff!!!!

[The weird poky place.  I think they called it a vet.]

Hi hi hi!  I'm Bean!  The cat's not here, so I can share stuff with you!  I'm a puppy!  They took me lots of new places recently!  They took me to a weird place with nothing to play with.  They poked me with a needle thing.  It hurt all day.  I felt yucky and yelped whenever they touched me.  It was sad.  I hid in my bed all day, so no one would touch me.  But the next day, I felt way better.  It was great!  

[The weird Outside room]

Also, this week, for the first time ever, they took us to a big room called Outside.  It had a cold, hard ground with white stuff on it.  I think we're supposed to potty there, but I thought we were supposed to potty on those little pad things.  Anyway, so every little while, they take us to the big, cold Outside room, so we can potty.  But there's so much fun stuff to kill out there that it's hard to think about potty when we gotta play with mama and kill sticks and weeds and stuff.  It's so COOOL!!!

[The Walk thing.]

And yesterday, they put me in this thing they called a harness.  I didn't like that at all.  But then they took us down the road on what they called a Walk.  We just, you know, walked.  But it was sooo awesome!  We went a long long way.  My feet got tired, so I had to be held.  It was cold, but we got treats, so I LOVED it.  

[Weird stuff on the ground.]

And today, I went to the Outside room, and there was a whole new ground down.  It was really white and really cold and covered up all the fun stuff we usually like to play with out there.  It also covered up all my potty spots, so they were harder to find.  It got in my fur and everything.  I was so confused that the weird stuff was everywhere.  The Outside room and the poky place and the walk and everything make me think there's maybe more to this world than I thought there was.  I wonder what else is out there.  

Ah, man.  Ru the Cat here.   Shoo, little hairball. That dumb puppy stole my blog again.  Ah, well.  I guess that means I don't have to write one.  Wow, can I tell you how happy I am to not have to deal with all this crap?  Now, if only I didn't have puppies to deal with, my life would be perfect. 

Shrunken Heads and Other Symptoms of Baths

[When you know your nightmare has just begun.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My frenemy, Maya, came close to that nasty B-word, a bath this week.  I watched my person grab her to take her in there, but then she got distracted by the puppies.  Whew.  When one of the cats gets a bath, I'm very sure I'm next. 

[The picture of misery: cat post-bath.]

Let me tell you that baths are the greatest evil on this planet.  I've seen them happen but haven't had one of these horrors happen to me in a while.  I still shudder when I flashback to the times my person plunged me into a whole tub of nasty, evil water.  Gah.  So ugly.  So terrifying.  I don't know how people can stand it. 

[Just pitiful.  Mama dog in the tub.]

I almost feel bad for the dogs because they get monthly baths.  But those poor, unfortunate little hairballs called puppies seem to get those awful baths almost once a week, almost more.  They whine and act like they're being murdered every time.  It's really close to a murder.  I swear it. 

[Pitiful Pup]

But I have to say that while they're whining and complaining, I'm laughing my guts out.  Those things shrink to half their size with these big bulgy eyes while I'm dying watching from my favorite hidey hole in the towel drawer.  Nobody sees me except when they go in to grab a hand towel.  And they're not doing that while they're drenching those dumb puppies.  Then, they haul those sodden, trembling, cold fuzz balls into the living room to brush and brush and brush them while aiming this horrible thing that sounds loud and looks like a gun but only blows air at them.  They sound like they're dying the whole time.  *Snurfle.*  It's always hilarious. 

[Puppy with shrunken head.]

The craziest, creepiest time was when Bean, the annoying little spotted one who keeps stealing my blog and my person, stuck his head into a dish and came out looking sticky but smelling milky and wonderful.  The humans didn't like this so much, but they'd just given the poor little martyr the full bath treatment.  So they just washed his head.  And it shrunk.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.  What's the moral of the story?  No baths.  Unless it's for dumb little puppies and for cats' amusement.