Shrunken Heads and Other Symptoms of Baths

[When you know your nightmare has just begun.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My frenemy, Maya, came close to that nasty B-word, a bath this week.  I watched my person grab her to take her in there, but then she got distracted by the puppies.  Whew.  When one of the cats gets a bath, I'm very sure I'm next. 

[The picture of misery: cat post-bath.]

Let me tell you that baths are the greatest evil on this planet.  I've seen them happen but haven't had one of these horrors happen to me in a while.  I still shudder when I flashback to the times my person plunged me into a whole tub of nasty, evil water.  Gah.  So ugly.  So terrifying.  I don't know how people can stand it. 

[Just pitiful.  Mama dog in the tub.]

I almost feel bad for the dogs because they get monthly baths.  But those poor, unfortunate little hairballs called puppies seem to get those awful baths almost once a week, almost more.  They whine and act like they're being murdered every time.  It's really close to a murder.  I swear it. 

[Pitiful Pup]

But I have to say that while they're whining and complaining, I'm laughing my guts out.  Those things shrink to half their size with these big bulgy eyes while I'm dying watching from my favorite hidey hole in the towel drawer.  Nobody sees me except when they go in to grab a hand towel.  And they're not doing that while they're drenching those dumb puppies.  Then, they haul those sodden, trembling, cold fuzz balls into the living room to brush and brush and brush them while aiming this horrible thing that sounds loud and looks like a gun but only blows air at them.  They sound like they're dying the whole time.  *Snurfle.*  It's always hilarious. 

[Puppy with shrunken head.]

The craziest, creepiest time was when Bean, the annoying little spotted one who keeps stealing my blog and my person, stuck his head into a dish and came out looking sticky but smelling milky and wonderful.  The humans didn't like this so much, but they'd just given the poor little martyr the full bath treatment.  So they just washed his head.  And it shrunk.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.  What's the moral of the story?  No baths.  Unless it's for dumb little puppies and for cats' amusement.