No fair! Last week part 2

[The jerk who started it all]  

Ruru the Cat here.  I can't believe I got sick, too.  I don't even hang out with that jerk, Dude.  He's always chasing me around and trying to steal my stuff.  And he's twice my size, so it's hard to stand up to him, even though I was here first.  I wouldn't let his sneezes get on me.  So it wasn't him.  

[Little social jerk making the rounds with his sneeze fountain.]

But he did give it to Wren, who went to every spot cats may hang out and, just to be a little monster, sneezed on everybody.  He was a sprinkler system in one dumb cat.  All over my lovely tree, all over the food, everywhere.  So, of course, I got sick.  I only sneezed like 10 times, but still, it sucked.  

[Here he is, sharing it with One-eyed Wonder Kitten.]

Then, he snuggled little Phoenix, one of the kittens I still treat as okay because she has the good grace to not outgrow me.  But she got it so bad she was throwing up.  They had to take her to that nasty vet place, too, so she could stop throwing up.  She still did it, and it was gross.  All that food wasted.  

[Poor huge kitten needs comfort because of stupid Wren making her sick.]

And he sneezed all over my first kitten, Paige.  She even hides out all day, every day under my person's bed.  Our person calls her a cryptid because we scarcely ever see her.  But Wren goes down there and snuggles her.  And sneezes all over her.  So now, she's one of the sneeziest of us all.  

[He wasn't happy 'til everyone got it.]

Even my new little kitten I adopted got it.  Her sneezes sound like someone's chewing on a squeaky dog toy.  It's adorable.  But I have to say it was pretty rude of Wren to share it with everyone.  

[The last man standing.]

Except my brother, Chonk. (And Maya, but nobody likes her.)  I don't get it.  It's just not fair that the one cat that hangs out with everybody didn't get sick at all.  I think I'll go sneeze on him.  

Vacuum's busted

[Big Dude doesn't feel good.

Ruru the Cat here.  I saw the strangest thing this week.  See, we have this vacuum masquerading as a cat.  Big Dude will vacuum up any cat food or any food remaining in a dish for longer than two seconds.  He'll politely wait until you vacate or maybe just loom over you because he's so stinking big and then slurp up the food you really meant to save for later.  I mean me.  I meant to save it for later, but Dude was there to slurp it up. 

[He's not even eating HIS food this week. But he doesn't let me steal it.]

Well, this week, his eye got all goopy, and he started wheezing all over the place.  And he'd just sit, staring at the food.  The food I meant to save for later stayed in its spot.  It was weird.  That alone would tell me our vacuum is busted, which doesn't hurt my feelings at all. Oh, and I guess he had a red, bulgy eye. Some of the people types even wondered if I'd beaten him up.  Tempting, but it did NOT happen.  Have you seen how big he is? 

[Nasty place: The vet's]

But the humans felt the need to rush him to that dread place called the vet's.  I'm not sure what all goes on there, but whatever it is, it's BAD.  Nobody likes that place.  Don't know why they even have it. Well, I'll let Dude tell you about it because I don't even want to THINK about it.  

[The abandoned dish.]

Dude: Man, I felt like total crap all week. I hate not being hungry. But it totally sucked when they dragged me off in some dumb box that smelled like someone else. I was hauled into this dumb smelly place.  I hated it. They poked me and stuff, and now, they tackle me and stick nasty goop in my eye that makes it sting.  It sucks.  

[Me chilling with the black cat I actually like.]

Ru: Well, that didn't tell me anything I don't already know.  You're not much of a writer, are you, Dude?  Anyway, it is pretty funny to watch the people tackle him and put stuff in his eye.  And it's great I get to keep my food to myself.  So it's not all bad.  

Dude: Speak for yourself. 

Ru: I always do.  

A Few of My Favorite Things

[The tiny elephant in the room I'm ignoring.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I'm done complaining about that annoying kitten.  There's nothing I can do about the fact that my people are absolute cat addicts and just don't know how to worship only the most important one, me.  I mean, if they knew how to worship me properly, they definitely wouldn't think they needed other cats or dogs.  They'd still give me their food but without the annoyance of the actual dogs or other cats.  

[Everybody is my buddy!]

Varya: I like dogs and cats! Except the grouchy old lady. 

[One of those dumb fake mice]

Ruru: Ignoring that. Except you're right about Maya. Anyway, so, I decided to be super positive this time.  Mostly because Toothless keeps teasing me about my justifiable complaints.  I'm going to talk about all the things I love.  Like chasing mice. Not the toys like stupid Megachonk, aka Dude, likes so much he can't get enough of chasing them around then acts like he doesn't when someone looks at him.  Not those.  REAL mice.  They're amazing. 

[My first real mouse!]

Varya: I like mice, too.  Someone handed me one this week!  It was great! 

Ruru: This is my blog about me, not you.  I'm trying to be all chipper and stuff, so you stay out of it.  Besides, you only ever played with a pre-dead one. That's as much your mouse as silly Wren's when it was ATTACHED to the trap. You don't know real mice.  I also like dog food and Meow Mix, not just any old kibble.  The stuff in the yellow bag.  

Varya:  I like that stuff, too!  And I'll claw the crap out of anyone who holds chicken and bread and other yummies from me!

[Me ignoring the thing that steals my food.]

Ruru:  Hey, that's my line!  And my bread!  And my chicken.  And my blog.  Who are you kidding?  You'll eat anything like a piranha in fur.  

[My cat tree!]

Varya: And I like the cat tree!  It's so great!  

Ruru:  That's MY cat tree!  It's my safe space to chase my tail and hide from Maya.  It's not YOUR cat tree.  And this is not YOUR blog, so can you stop already? 

[My spot!]

Varya: And I really like the underwear drawer and the people's bedroom.  They're both so great and so comfy and safe! 

Ruru:  But they were mine first!  Seriously, kid, I thought I liked you.  This was my house first.  Mine.  The people here are just borrowing it from me.  Seriously.  

Varya:  This blogging stuff is fun.  When can we do it again? 

Ruru: ARGH! 

The Not-so-hostile Takeover

[They call it cat rag. I don't know about cat, but we can agree on rag.]

Ruru the Cat here.  That kitten has taken over my house.  You'd think there were 25 of them.  She has the humans wrapped around her little paws.  It's hard for me to get attention anymore, and it bugs me.  I used to sneak into their room in the morning and get all the attention, but the kitten will get in there, too.  I try to stand guard and growl, but she sneaks around.

[She won't even let him sleep.]

Granted, she also keeps the annoying puppy busy.  That's nice.  It means he's not bugging me.  Granted, the dogs also let her steal their food that should be mine.  

[My dumb brother is just not picky about the company he keeps.]

She also will snuggle and play with the bigger black cats, but they have no taste.  Maya, at least, will hiss or growl at her if she gets too close.  Then again, she does that with everybody. 

[My person giving her my love.]

My person even lets her in her room sometimes with the other kittens who have taken over my room.  She has my person wrapped, too.  

[That thing in my face.]

Varya: Hi hi hi!  I'm the kitten.  I like Ru.  She's amazing. And I like dogs and cats 'cuz they're fun. And I'll tear you apart for bread and meat and cheese and chips and popcorn but not yogurt!  Love me, cuz I wanna be your best friend!  

[Here she is, even stealing my secret hidey-hole.  At least she knows a good thing when she sees it,]

Ru:  Well, I agree with some of that.  You're not all bad.  It's a good thing I like you, too, or I'd have to throw you into the snow.  

Varya: Snow?  What's that? 

Ru: Mess with me, and you'll learn.  Welcome to the family, kid.  

Happy New What?

[They took my jungle gym.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Humans are weird.  First, they put up my lovely, green jungle gym full of dangly, shiny stuff, then they take it down a little while later.  They put out these blinky lights outside my house, so we could chase them in the window, then they turned them off and put them away. They also stuck stuff with highly rippable paper under my jungle gym and covered it in plastic, so we couldn't even sharpen our claws properly on it.  I just don't understand that at all.  

[My weird brother licking plastic.]

Then, they put up a whole table full of munchies like cheese and crackers and stuff and said happy new year, like it's not the same old everything except they took away my jungle gym.  And though some of the cats got to lick the plastic on the munchies (weirdos!) the rest of us didn't get more than a morsel or two.  Except the new kitten baby, who got special privileges because the adult male seems to like her better than the rest of us.  And they do all this every year.  I can't figure it out. 

[Stalking the munchies.]

All I can say is humans are strange. But I'll keep them around as long as they throw me bits of ham and cheese on occasion.  That almost makes up for being such odd and misbehaved pets.