Fun (or not) with Mice

[My favorite kind of toy: source]

Ruru the Cat here.  So about a while ago, I found me a mouse. It was a chunky little toy.  I was so proud of myself.  I was going to spend all afternoon bonding with it, showing off to all the other cats exactly how awesome I am.  Except then, I looked away for just a second.  I forget why.  And suddenly, that big ol' brat, Dude stole it.  He gets all the fun.  

[My kitten-she used to be a quarter my size, but now, she's bigger than me.]

Meanwhile, I hear my kitten, who isn't so tiny anymore, nabbed a little bitty mouse about the size of her mouse toys upstairs.  Who knew she had it in her?  I hear she stuck it in her food dish just to teach the tiny thing where mice belong.  Amazing. Except, then, she lost it to Wren and the itty bitty kitten.  He had it nearly wiped off the map when he lost it in some clothing. The human mom had to deal with it. Seriously?  Cat fail. I could've done better.

[The mousetrap: An insult to cats everywhere-source]

Then, today, the dad found a mouse and tried to send me after it. But he didn't make it clear what I was supposed to be doing, so it got away.  He set a wooden trap.  A wooden trap?  What an insult.  Just because I missed one mouse once.  Just to show how he's soooo much better than me, Dude meanwhile caught a little bitty one.  Really?  And he didn't even share.  Mice around here are supposed to be mine.  But nobody acknowledges my awesome self or that I'm queen of mice and house.  It's just not fair.     

The Things I Do for Meat

[See me sharing my spot?  I'm amazing.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I make a lot of sacrifices.  I'm seriously a saint.  I already told you I decided to let the kitten live, even though she and the other kittens took over my room.  I sometimes let the dogs eat their own food.  I sometimes have to share my cat tree.  I haven't killed anyone yet.  I let my people pet other animals because I don't have a choice. Then, I let them pet me, even though it means they then make me smell like dogs and obnoxious cats. Even my worst enemy, Maya. You see what I mean.  I'm a SAINT.  

[Watch me ignore Wren instead of kill him.]

Well, this last week, my humans were passing out little pieces of meat.  I even patiently waited for them to eat some before I started begging. Then, of course, I sat on a chair nearby to make sure they knew I was kindly offering to take some off their hands.  I'm helpful like that. Wren, the oversized kitten even humans call the adorable jerk, sat by me, and I didn't kill him, even though I wanted to.  He's almost my size, but I could take him.  But I didn't.  So I could get meat. 

[Look at all of the dogs stealing me meat. Yet I still didn't kill them.]

But then, I had to tolerate a sea of annoying dogs that stole wayyy too much of it. And the other cats.  We were an army, which meant I didn't get much of it, just little bits.  And I didn't kill anyone.  You see what I mean?  I'm practically an angel.  Be impressed.  

My Red Dot!

 

[My dot] 

I'm Ruru the Cat.  I have claimed the red dot, you know, the one that comes from that thing humans call a laser pointer?  It's mine.  I like it.  I haven't figured out how to catch it, but I will one day.  That makes it mine and only mine.  I know, you say, why haven't you marked it?  Well, I've tried, but it won't hold still for very long.  When I try, the carpet smells like me, but the dot disappears.  It's a powerful force, which is why I like it so much. 

[Someone stealing my dot.]

Meanwhile, everyone keeps muscling in on my racket.  They haven't figured out the dot is mine yet, which shows they're not too bright.  The kitten, for instance, seems to think she has the right to chase my dot.  She's obviously wrong.  But I was happy to see she couldn't catch it, either.  

[Bean claiming my dot.]

The one and only fuzzy thing around here that I will defer to is that annoying dog, Bean.  Mostly because he's a bossy jerk.  I mean, I'm way bigger.  You'd think I wouldn't have to let him have it.  But he's meaner than me, so I let him have it because I'm nice.  But if any of the rest of you want my dot, you'll have to get through me.  And I have teeth and cattitude.  My dot.  Mine.  

Things I Won't Kill

[That cyclops cat.]

Ruru the Cat here.  So, I'm nice.  Toothless, quit laughing.  I'm super nice.  How can you tell?  Well, it's because I've decided to let Phoenix the one-eyed kitten live.  She's taken my spot in my person's room. But I'm living her live, anyway. Why? 'Cuz I love my person.  My person, lacking my wisdom, doesn't find her useless.  So I've decided to let her live.  Be impressed with my mercy and kindness.  Now, no guarantees on Wren.  He tries to take a nap, and she turns face hugger and shows she's strong enough to beat the tar out of him.  She doesn't seem to know she's maybe a third his size.  She just won't let up.  I kind of like that sassiness and determination. Shows a lot more energy than I have.  So, yeah, I'm letting her live.  

[Me, tolerating the other tabby.]

I guess I might also let Wren live.  That doesn't mean I like him or even want to hang out with him.  But it's fun to watch him flip out every time someone pets him for more than three seconds, which makes everyone try harder.  It's fun to watch humans chase him down and "zip" his tail, meaning pet that tail in one fast motion like humans zip zippers.  Everybody keeps talking about how long and fluffy his tail is.  My tail is way better  I chase it around all the time as I cat tree.  Don't know what the fascination is.  But it's fun to watch.  And he doesn't mess with me because I glare at him whenever he thinks about it.  Yeah, I'll let him live, too.  

[The wired, undersized hairball they call a "dog."]

I also have decided to let the little, annoying dog Bean live. I've been back and forth on that one. He does give me body heat when we happen to be chilling in the same place at the same time, waiting for attention. But he never holds still except to sleep.  I think one of these humans stuffed him with what humans call caffeine.  He's always darting around and eating all the food that sits around long enough for him to catch it, including cat food if he can get it.  He's still smaller than me and acts like a puppy. I could kick his tail anytime I wanted.  Both he and the kitten want the mom human's shoulder.  I'm surprised they haven't started fighting for it.  So, at least for now, I've decided to let him live because I'm nice like that.  I'd love to see a knock-down, drag-out battle between the tiny one-eyed kitten and the crazy puppy.  So, yeah, I've decided to let him live.  For now.  

Just want everyone to notice how awesome I am. I'm letting my greatest annoyances live.  Be impressed, very impressed.