The Big, Loud Monster

[Do you see its mean, beady eye staring at you?  RUN!!!]

Ruru the Cat here.  There is a big, scary thing that sits most of the time like a sleeping monster.  I'm not sure what it is or why it's here.  Most of the time, we forget it's even there and race around it.  

But once in a while, a person touches it, and it wakes up.  When it awakes, it roars in a way that deafens and terrifies all cats and dogs in the house.  We all run as fast as our legs can carry us, even Willow, the big, scary dog-like yeti that lives in my backyard and often comes inside.  We all flee the loud monster's might.  Its roars hurt our ears and fills the air with this funky odor kind of like old dirt but more chilling because it always accompanies the monster's awakening.  

Once it's awake, it tears through the house, pulling some person behind it.  I don't know whether it serves them or they serve it.  It just seems there's this chilling symbiotic relationship that occurs between the loud monster and the person.  I don't understand it at all.  Every time it sleeps, I hope it's dead and won't awaken again.  But then, it possesses another person and makes that person awaken it again.  I wish I could figure out how to kill it.  But once it's awake, I don't want to get anywhere near and will shred anything holding me back from my terrified flight.  The thing is an absolute terror, and I wish it would go away.  Get thee hence, loud monster.  Leave my people alone.  

All Gone

(One of the decorations I hate but will miss.)

Ruru the cat here.  I know I've been kind of whiny about Christmas.  Oh, hush, Toothless.  I don't need you butting in.  Yes, I've been very whiny about this Christmas stuff.  But now that it's all gone, I'm kind of sad.  Okay, so I still got some ham bits all week, leftovers from Christmas.  But I watched my person's mom take down my jungle gym, with all its dangly, spangly stuff, and I got really upset.  I sat in the tree-shaped jungle gym to try to defend it and show that it shouldn't go into boxes along with everything else.  It didn't help.  All the other decorations I've been able to chase around and attack, including that fake glowy cat in the window I kept beheading, have also disappeared. 

                                                         (Me being super duper lovey.)

Worse yet, I heard a horrible rumor that these lovely days when my person is around all day long are also going away.  That can't possibly be true.  She wouldn't leave me for that horrible school place, would she?  I mean, I think I've done a pretty good job of showing her how cuddly I could be all day long. 

                            (Part of the crap I've tolerated without killing anyone 'cuz I'm such a saint.)

I've put up with her rearranging my face and dressing me in silly clothes.  I've even been found sitting outside her door, waiting for her to stop being boring and wake up.  I can't believe all these rumors.  But the rumors about disappearing jungle gyms and spangles were true.  Maybe this one is, too.  Man, I'm depressed. 

Drama, Drama, Drama

    [See my noble efforts to get the sandwich, and the sadistic smile on the face of that human.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Baby keeps bugging me about taking over the blog for a day.  I was going to tell you all about how my person's dad tortured me by holding a sandwich just out of reach and wouldn't even give me a taste.  Well, not a very big taste.  It was going to be dramatic and moving.  I swear.  But I'm just gonna have to let Baby take over this week, so I can get her to shut up.  So here she is.

               [What a divine feline, deserving of worship, looks like.]

They call me Baby.  It is condescending and ridiculous.  In my mind, I am Me, Empress of the Universe, Center of all Meaning, Goddess of the Hunt, Keeper of Chaos, Executioner of all Things Small and Yummy.  I have played rodents to death.  I rule this house.  Do not treat me with condescension.  

[What an ugly, worthless Beast looks like.]

The humans have done something unforgivable.  I can almost pardon the silly epithet with which they call me.  I even acknowledge their existence when they use it.  No, they have done far worse:  they have brought in a stranger.  I'm not talking those dogs that come and go or even the toddlers and babies and other humans beneath my notice that spend little time here.  No, no.  I'm talking the Beast who is still here after multiple weeks.  It showed up, and I expected them to kill it as it deserves.  

     [Look at the way that pathetic dog hobnobs with the enemy.]
The dogs ignored it and now sometimes sit with it.  The humans embraced it.  The other cats occasionally hiss at it but mostly act as if it's one of us.  But they do not understand the depth of this creature's depravity.  

                [That Beast in front needs to die!!!]  

It is a foreigner.  It is not our blood.  It is undeserving of life.  It must die.  Ruru spoke of this Beast once in passing, but she hasn't mentioned it once since.  She needs to rail on its existence.  She needs to call out for its demise.  I hunt it throughout the house, perching outside any room that harbors it to behold its every stop at the litter box, its every presumption at eating my cat food.  I hiss or growl at it, and finally, others are reminded of its monstrosity.  But most of the time, I am the only one who gets it, the only one who understands the purpose of the hunt.

Ruru the Cat again.  Man, alive, Baby, over-the-top much?  Cassandra isn't that bad.  She's just a tabby.  I don't like it when she eats my food or gets in my face, but seriously, Baby?  You need a life.  Not kidding.  And get over yourself about what a great mouser you are.  It was one baby vole.  Once that you played to death.  My death count is a lot higher.  Go dive in a pile of snow and take a chill.

                                                 [How to cool off a mean old cat like Baby.]

Not funny, Ruth. 

Actually, it's pretty hilarious.  And don't call me Ruth.  I hate that name.  So much for letting Baby borrow my blog.  Now, she'll be all uppity and insufferable for the next week.  I wonder how soon I can sneak her outside and throw her in the snow.  

A THING in my house!

Ruru the Cat here.  I thought things were settling down.  Even Baby has admitted Harmoni the Puppy to the cats' club.  We've all snuggled her multiple times.  Baby pretends not to notice, but I do.  Harmoni's delighted.  She loves to be one of the cats. 

So just as things seemed to get quiet, and peace had settled upon our happy house of fuzzies, a new thing has entered.  I've scarcely gotten a glimpse or two, but it's gotta be bad.  Every chance she gets, Baby tries to kill it.  It smells like a cat but wilder, less like the rest of us.  The people talk about how she looks like me at least in the face, but I don't see it.  Then again, I don't see me ever, so what would I know?  I just know that she smells dangerous and mean and scary.  My person keeps going into the room where she was brought, and I can't help but get jealous.  My person is hobnobbing with a scary outsider.  It's just not right.  I wish I knew what she was doing here and hope she leaves soon.  

How do you entertain a human?

                                                       (Me with stupid tape on my head)

Ruru the Cat here.  The funniest thing happened recently.  My person decided to cover the dog in tape.  Okay, maybe not cover her, but put little pieces on her to see how she'd react.  And that dog went nuts, running all over, rolling over, jumping on and off furniture to get those little tape bits off.  She just couldn't figure it out.

I laughed so hard.  On the inside, of  course, because cats can't make it too easy on people when it comes to figuring us mysterious feline types out.  It's kind of a rule, if cats can be said to have rules.  But it was so funny.  It only lasted a minute or two, but I thought I would pee myself from laughing that hard.

But then my person turned that silly tape on me.  That wasn't so funny.  I gave her a glare and ripped that stuff off because, let's face it, cats are a lot smarter than dogs and just won't put up with that nonsense.  But let me tell you what, I will cherish that image of a silly puppy running and rolling everywhere for the rest of my life or at least until I forget, whichever comes first.