Now, that's Funny

                                           (My whiny brother getting spoiled by his people)

Ruru the Cat here.  My poor brother had the scare of his life this week.  And it was hilarious to us indoor types.  His people took him in a kayak in their swimming pool.  He had to describe all this because I've never seen a kayak or a swimming pool.  Anyway, so his people had him in this boat on the water, and rather than just sitting there and thinking what a great thing it was he wasn't IN the water, he actually JUMPED in.  Oh, my crap.  Brothers are the best for entertainment value.  Oh, man.  He's chasing me away.  It's my freaking blog.  Okay, okay.  Here's Scoutie.

                                 (What it looked like to me: super scary!)

Ruru, seriously?  Quit laughing.  I mean it.  Just stop.  I see you snickering over there.  It was terrifying!  Last week, you made such a big deal about a little bath.  You have no idea.  That boat was little.  It kept rocking, and I was sure it was going to SINK!!!  It was so scary.  And the side of the water looked really close.  I thought I could just jump and get out of there.  Instead, I fell in.  And that water was deep and really really cold, like I was sure I was going to freeze to death or drown or both.  I swam for all I was worth, but I was getting nowhere.  There's a reason (or maybe five) that cats hate water.  Finally, after my people stopped laughing, they fished me out.  Why do my people keep doing this to me?  I'm a great cat.  I bring them plump, juicy prey to teach them how to hunt mice.  I patrol and keep their space cat-free (other than the awesomeness that is me.  How do they repay me?  They stick me in these crappy places that terrify me.  Anyway, that's it.  Any people listening, don't do this to poor, sweet cats like me.  Just sing our praises, feed us, and pet us.  That's all we want to be happy.  Okay, well, here's my sister.  She finally quit laughing. 

                 [My masterful artwork of the hilarious scene.]

Haha!   Ruru again.  Shows how much Scoutie knows.  I will never stop laughing about this.   He's so whiny about the littlest things.  Hey, Scoutie, stay away from me with that water.  Stop!  Oh, crap.  Now, I'm wet.  Man, brothers suck.   

Don't leave me!

Ruru the Cat here.  My person left me for two whole days!  Two!  Nobody seemed to know where they went.  They rushed around like they were going somewhere, packing stuff into bags and feeding us extra.  But I didn't think they'd actually do it.  I mean, my person's world revolves around me.  Every night, she tucks me in with my little plush snow leopard and snuggles me until we both go to sleep.  First thing in the morning, she wants to snuggle me and only me.  As often as she can, she wants to hold me and talk about how fat I am and tell me how much she loves me and rearrange my face.  But then she LEFT me.  ME.  Her precious fat cat.

I spent the first day telling myself that she was coming right back, that she just fed us extra because she really is that sweet.  But when it got later and later and later, and I hadn't been tucked in with my leopard, I felt so lost.  I had to spend the night on a sofa like a normal cat.  But I'm NOT a normal cat.  The next day I told myself the whole day she was coming back.  I lurked by the door, sure she would be back at any time.  I mean, she didn't give us THAT much extra food.  But the day came and went, and she did not come back.  I thought I was going to DIE!

When the third day rolled around, and she wasn't home yet, I started making plans to get out of the house somehow and find her.  I couldn't believe this.  But I couldn't find a way out.  What was I going to DO?  Then, just like that, my person came back.  I didn't want to let her out of my sight, not for a second.  She held me and loved me and made sure I had my plush leopard as I went to sleep.  But that wasn't enough for me.  As soon as my person went to sleep, I had to chase around my person's mom and dad to make sure I got all the love I could.  How do I ground my person?  I want to make sure she never does this again!

Vicious Killer

                                                  [Harmoni makes a pretty good pillow.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Harmoni the Puppy is both my good buddy and a pain in my cute, fuzzy butt.  I really like that she has body heat and shares it with me.  I like that she lets me groom her sometimes.  I don't like that she suddenly barks at one of us cats just because we're suddenly, I don't know, a different cat than we were a second ago.  Nor do I like that she suddenly barks at a person just because they are a stranger OR someone who hasn't been here for a while OR coming in from the outside, even three times in a row, very same person, OR touches or stands near the door or sometimes just shuffles around a bit.  Seriously, Harmoni.  You give dogs a bad name sometimes.  But mostly, we've made our peace.  She's okay.  We'll pretend she's one of us cats because it's easier to do that than flip out just because she exists and just so happens to be a canine.  Okay, Cass, the newest in our elite feline club, and Maya, the oldest in our club, sometimes get picked on or chased around by the dogs.  So they aren't quite as happy about the arrangement.  But none of us can do anything about getting rid of nutty, excitable  Harmoni, so we survive.

                                           [Baby using Dodger as a brain-dead fur blanket.]

Dodger the Pomeranian, however, is a bit of a throw rug.  He makes Harmoni look like a genius.  Heck, he makes a rock look like frickin' Einstein.  I'm not clear on why the humans keep this useless puffball around.  We tolerate him, but he doesn't seem to care about anybody but my person's mom.  His sole job in this house seems to be to sit around and worship her.  When she walks out of the house for like a minute or something, he throws a welcome party, running around in circles and barking until all of we cats want to throw him in the toilet and flush.  Basically, he's useless.  Kind of like a hairball but with less personality and certainly no IQ to speak of.  We cats would have to turn in our cat badges to call him one of us.  

                      [Dodger growling at the object of his worship because she got too near his turkey.]

But today, he turned into a monster.  He did this once before, like someone pressed the meanie head button, and he turned from useless hairball to attack-beast.  When he does this, he grabs a turkey bone and growls over it anytime anyone just looks at it.  He acts like he is going to rip out the heart of anyone who thinks at his turkey.  I snuck up and tried to get just a sniff and maybe a nibble, and that vicious killer went for me like I was so much doggie kibble.  I don't get it.  Most of the time, he's just a useless fur blanket, but give him a turkey bone, and watch out.  I just don't understand dogs at all.  And I think I'd rather keep it that way.

She's Leaving Me!

Ruru the Cat here.  I had such a lovely summer.  I had my person here to love me and snuggle me every day.  She spent all day long patting me and holding me.  It was so nice.

Now, every day, she goes away in the morning and doesn't come back until hours and hours and hours later.  I keep hearing this nasty word "school."  I don't know what it is exactly, but I seem to remember bad things about it, like lots of kids patting me and no food anywhere and this long, awful car drive.  Terrible experience, this school stuff.  And it keeps stealing my person every day except for, like, two days at a time.  I don't get what that's about.  But I live for those days.  They're heaven.  My person is back on those days, spending all day long, holding me and snuggling me.  Curse you, school thing.  Give me my person back.

My Favorite Channel

Hi, Ruru the Cat here again.  Last night, the most awesome thing appeared in my house: two delicious morsels under glass.  I could watch this new channel all day, every day.  I'm sure there's a way to get inside.  I could watch the little peeping, feathered tidbits all night long.  They look even more defenseless than yummy mice.  One is kind of an orangy yellow with stripes.  I picture that one on a sandwich.  The other one is gray and plumper.  I'd skip the bread for that one.

They make noise all day and all night as they sit under the heat lamp, looking like a burger at a fast food restaurant waiting just for you.  Or anybody else with a couple of bucks.  I want them so badly, I can taste them, but my people aren't being very cooperative at serving them up.  I order one on rye bread, and I get ignored.  I order one raw, and I get ignored.  What does it take to get service around here?  But in the meantime, I will enjoy my channel as often as they'll let me, and watch it with all the enthusiasm of my soul.