How to Get Rid of Your Enemies

[How to get rid of your enemy--I have a plan.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Anyone want one grumpy, old cat?  I'd really like to get rid of her.  Not kidding. She chases me around and hisses. 

[When your pet peeve hisses at your pettier peeve.] 

And it's not just her I'd like to get rid of.  I've been competing all week with those dang fluff balls.  Just smelling them makes me grumpy.  They take my food, my dog water, my hands for love.  The very air I breathe and even my cat tree are heavy with kitten smells.  I just don't get the appeal.  

[My archenemy.  I'm Ruru the Cat, and I approve that sticker.]

However, there were a few highlights.  Like when the big human male put the 90% off sticker on Maya.  For one beautiful moment, I was sure we were getting rid of her.  Then, he laughed and took it off.  Dangit.  I'd make her 100% off and pay four kittens to get rid of her.  

[Sad, sorry rats in the tub.]

Also, it was great fun to watch the kittens get it in the bathtub.  They shrunk from big poofs to little rats.  I could have fallen off my perch, laughing.

[See?  Even the big, poofy Dodger becomes a twig.]

Better still, the dogs got it next.  It was also great fun to watch the poofy dogs become scrawny twigs with eyeballs, too.  Man, that was almost the best moment of my week.  

[And the kittens came back. Dang.]

The true best moment, though, was twice when my people hauled the kittens out of the house.  Twice, I was sure they were gone forever.  But twice, those dumb kittens showed up again, all four, screaming and killing and smelling up my house.  Dangit.  Why do the people around here keep getting my hopes up only to throw them out the window?  People.  They're almost as bad as dogs.  And kittens.