Talk about Unfair

 

[It's one thing when you do it to my nemesis.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Dear humans, it's hilarious when you do silly stuff like put stickers on Maya's head.  It's a hoot when you stick hairball meds on her face, so you can get her to lick them off to treat her.  I can't stop laughing when you try to put her in that new cat carrier that works kind of like a purse, with just her head sticking out, so you can give her cat meds.  All this is amazing.  Keep up the good work.  

[It's yet another when you involve me.]

Here's the problem.  It's just not fair when you do it to me.  I'm way above all that.  I don't LIKE hairball meds.  They taste nasty.  I really don't want a sticker on my head, though I'll act like it doesn't bother me.  I really hate that cat carrier that squeezes me and traps me inside.  Well, I hate all cat carriers, but that's beside the point.  I'm happy staying home, thank you. 

[Humans think they're so funny--see that sticker on my head?]

Don't do it.  Stick with doing all that to Maya.  Get it?  Stick? Never mind.  Just stick to doing stuff with Maya.  It's much funnier that way.  Trust me.  

Steak! Want!

 

[My meat.]

Ruru the Cat here.  So, my people are cruel, heartless meanies.  First, the big adult male ran by me and waved RAW MEAT in my face.  Like meat.  Real meat.  But he didn't give me any.  Really?  You can't promise something like that and not deliver.  I'll bet he ate it all himself.  Then, the adult female human opened the fridge AND DIDN'T GIVE ME CHEESE.  Are you getting the level of sadism, of absolute depravity to which these humans stoop?  

[Just another inch this way.]

Then, that same male adult (I will not call him by name--he deserves no such respect) walked by with COOKED MEAT, waved it in front of my very receptive nose, and DID NOT GIVE ME ANY.  Really.  I'm not making this up.  Can you believe how horrible these people are?  On the bright side, after they'd eaten most of it (without sharing even a sniff), they finally started tossing bits of fat at us.  My person finally gave me some, as did the other humans.  

[Does this dog LOOK like a cat?  How does he deserve my steak?]

But here's the worst of all.  They also shared some of it and even handed their plates to lick to the DOGS.  The dogs.  I just can't.  I can't.  Humans don't get it.  Cats deserve all the meat in the world.  We are their rulers.  Dogs are mere servants, and not very good ones at that.  I think I need to find better humans, ones that understand how to properly treat meat.  And cats. 

They Changed his Name?

[Take note of my throne--see?  I'm tolerating my brother.]

Me

 Ruru the Cat here.  I have grown to tolerate my brother since my kitten showed me it's okay to snuggle a cat, that not all other cats are evil.  I told you about that.  I sometimes even tolerate the other kitten in the house, Dude.  Not for long, and mostly it's just me showing mercy by letting him live.  You've seen what kind of crap he gives me.  I have most everyone now understanding I'm the queen of the house.  Maya doesn't, but she doesn't like any of us.  She especially hates me, but that's her problem.  Dude, however, still teases me.  

[My person showing worship for the wrong cat]

Him

But I let him live even so.  You should respect me, honor me, worship me for it.  Or at least he should.  This is why it bugs me that my person renamed him this week.  A cat tolerates a name.  A name is a word humans need.  We cats are just fine being.  We don't need your names.  I know Maya's smell.  I don't need to know what she's called to know I need to get out of her way, so she doesn't kill me.  Not kidding I don't like her for a reason.  

[Me reminding you who is in charge by ignoring you.]

My name

My name started out Ruth then became Ruru, and now, it's any number of things like Ruby or Ru or whatever.  But when I hear "Ru" whatever, I know the humans are talking to or about me.  I can listen but pretend to ignore them.  I know whatever they're saying is going to affect ME.  

[You'll note how he shows no respect for royalty (like me), but a name change?]

His Name

Dude's name is still also Mr. Meowmeow (talk about condescending) and also Quill.  But they decided his real name should be Mr. Casper Meowmeow because they say he does strange things like flood the house or flush the toilet in the middle of the night like some friendly Ghost named Casper.  Who has ever heard of that? That'd be confusing, getting your name changed on you when you're almost a year old.  I would hate that, almost as much as when he flooded my favorite spot under the sink.  Which I would never do except a few months ago. Worst of all, they shorten the name to Cass.  Like in the evil mean bully cat they got rid of a few months ago (hallelujah.)  Why would I want to be reminded of her?

[me, waiting for the proper level of worship]

The Point 

They'd better not change my name, or I'll have to leave them presents in the middle of the night.  A smell doesn't change.  Why would a name change?  Seriously, humans, what is your problem?  I know: you're not a cat.  Moral of the story: be a cat.  The world would be so much better if you were all cats.  Then again, you'd no longer have hands to pet me.  Okay, so maybe be LIKE a cat, but with hands.  That pet me, and only me.  'Cuz I'm the queen.   

Yeti Sledding

 

[A yeti in the snow]

Ruru the Cat here.  Man, I'm glad I missed the dog sledding that went on just down the road.  First off, I'd have to have left the house.  In the snow.  Serious nope.  Second off, yetis.  Huge, white dog things.  Kind of like my dogs, but, you know, BIG.  I can't imagine anything positive about this thing.  But my people went with their cousins, and their cousins took the yetis.  Here's what the two yetis had to say about it (from what my dogs heard): 

[Dog sledding seems like a bad idea to me.]

Mad Mardigan aka Marty: It was fun!  Lots of fun!  My people took me up a snowy hill, and we pulled them down the hill in big doggie dishes!  It was so amazing! We went down and up and down and up, and it was great!  My people were there and everything! 

[Pulling my person through the snow!]

I tried to pull my people over to visit other people doing down the snowy hill.  I dragged them off their feet and everything, but they didn't let me go visit the people.  It was sad.  But then, we got to go up and down and up and down and up and down!  In the snow! Wow!  Can we go again?  

[Fun with dog sledding.]

Sorcha:  What my esteemed colleague means is our people took us sledding.  They each took a sled while holding our leashes then had us pull them down the hills.  Our human companions weren't very good at steering the sleds when we were running down the hill, but they seemed to find spinning out and falling over into the snow just as much fun as going in a straight line.  The best part was spending time with our people.  I'd do that again any day!

[You'll note our dogs aren't bigger than cats, so they couldn't pull anything through the snow. You'll also notice we cats aren't stupid enough to be interested in snow.]

Ruru again.  Now, my dogs all wish they got to go and pull our people around on sleds.  They don't seem to get that they're a LOT smaller than the yetis.  They'd get run over or buried.  Now, THAT I'd even go into the snow to watch.  Just thinking about 4-pound Bean trying to pull anything through the snow makes me fall over laughing.  Hey, do you think we can talk our people into going again?  I could use a good laugh. 

The Right Kind of Play

 

[playing right]

Ruru the Cat here.  A couple of weeks ago, I told you how I like to play.  I chase my tail all over the top of the cat tree.  Okay, so you may think it sounds like a dog thing.  Dogs do NOT have my crazy awesome flexibility and ability to defy gravity.  I do it better. And best of all, there's nothing with claws up there to fight back.  

[Dude playing with a dog]

Dude doesn't get it.  He keeps trying to pick fights.   Worse yet, he sometimes gets dog smells on him by playing with the dog.  Which means that he gets dog smells on MY cat tree.  

[The only thing Toothless gets right-snuggling me.]

Toothless doesn't get it.  He will sometimes let me snuggle him and will sometimes steal my spot at the top of the cat tree. Neither gets how to play right, and they also don't understand the cat tree is mine.  I claimed it, so it's mine.  Old Lady Maya hasn't known how to play for the whole time I've known her.  She just gets grumpy on anything with four legs.  I get that.  That's the only thing I like about her.  My kitten will only play with Dude, which shows poor taste in playmates.  

[Showing yet another example of how to play right.]

Basically, I'm the only one who knows how to play right.  So if you're going to learn how to be a proper cat, look to me. But don't touch me, 'cuz I'm taking a nap from all that play.