My Baby's Huge

 

[Note me making the mistake of not killing her and her HUGE, clueless eyes]

Ruru the Cat here.  So when my person brought me a kitten, I didn't kill it.  You're welcome.  I hate kittens.  But when I hissed at this little puffball and tried to swat at her, she just blinked at me with her big, blue eyes.  She didn't seem to know how to cat, which means give as good as you get and kill the opponent.  I couldn't kill her, even though she was a kitten, the enemy.  She didn't even attack my tail or anything.  There was just no hostility in this little thing. So I let her live.  

[Here she is, begging for my cheese--but this is when she was still shorter.]

Now, I wonder if I made the right choice 'cuz she's bigger than me and now knows how to defend herself.  That makes her a CAT.  We've already got enough cats around here.  I mean, there's me, and who would need any others?  Okay, so there are also three black cats so identical, the humans had to put a collar on one of them to tell them apart, and Bean now attacks all of them as if unsure which is which.  His best buddy is one of them, and he's confused about which one will play with him, which will ignore him as if he's a particular obnoxious puff of air, and which will hiss to remind him he's a dog and, therefore, Satan. Heck, I'm not sure which of these he is.  Depends on the day. 

 

[Look at her--she's bigger than me! And looking wayyyy too comfy.]

What was I talking about?  Right.  My kitten.  She still gives me that blank look, so when I go to attack her and remind her this is my house, she just purrs or gives me that blank look.  I can't do it.  I can't. So I go to kill her and end up licking her or snuggling her.  At the very least, I leave her alone as if this is her house, too.  What's wrong with me? I must be slipping.  

The Dog Blog

[puppies as big as me!]

Hi hi hi!  I'm Bean!  I'm a doggie!  I love everybody except when you try to take me away from my mommy or try to steal my food, and everything is my food! This week, we visited itty bitty doggies, like puppies I think, but they were almost as big as me!  Just darker, like black.  And they were cute.  

[Here's me, showing how big they are 'cuz they're almost as big as me.]

I wanted to play with them, sorta, but my mommy didn't let me.  That's okay.  There were bunches of them, and they were almost as big as me, so it may have been scary.  Bye, now. 

[Here's me in a car, looking up at my person.]

This is Dodger.  I'll write 'cuz Bean's done, and Ru isn't back. I got to ride to town just with my mommy.  She didn't even let Bean go in the car with us.  It was so great.  We picked up and dropped off some kids first, but then we went to the doggy-smelling place. I went somewhere with lots of dogs.  I didn't see or even hear any. I smelled them EVERYWHERE.  I wanted to stop and smell everywhere. It all smelled like dogs.  Some cats, too, but mostly dogs.  It was super exciting.  The person that smelled like dogs touched me in weird ways, mostly my belly and chest. Nothing hurt.  I wanted to mark corners, but Mommy didn't let me.  I think they called it a vet. 

Then, we went somewhere and saw real dogs.  I smelled a lot more than I saw.  They called it Petsmart, so I must be smart 'cuz I'm a pet.  I had a great time cuz for a long time, it was just me and Mommy.  She didn't even bring Bean.  Just me. It was great.  

[Chasing my tail]

Ruru the Cat here.  Wait, a second.  There's a blog here.  And it's not mine.  What did I miss?  I was just chasing my tail, but don't tell anyone I said that.  Dogs stealing my blog.  Again.  Gah.  This may as well be a dog blog.  Dang, that rhymed, which was almost worse than a dog stealing my blog.

Person Hairballs

[Me, watching and waiting for my person to be interesting again.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My person is being useless.  It was bad enough when she was giving too much attention to my kitten and not enough to me.  Now, she's giving no attention to any of us cats.  She's just lying on the sofa or bed or wherever and coughing up hairballs.  

[How it should be, with my person happily snuggling me.]

I don't think people call it hairballs.  I think they call it vomiting, but it sure looks like she's having hairballs.  She makes loud sounds, and out comes something nasty.  That's a hairball, right?  When she's not hairballing, she's lying there, crying or moaning or something.  She ignores me completely.  She tried to hold my kitten, but then moaned and let her go.  This hairballing is not good for people.  When she doesn't even have anything nasty to hairball up, she's still hairballing.  Even water. 

[Fine.  I'll find someone else to pet me.]

I would feel bad for her, but I'm too busy feeling bad for me.  I'm having to find other people to pet me.  Do you know how frustrating that is?  She's supposed to be my person with hands that pet me.  She's supposed to give me treats and lots of attention.  Instead, she just lies around, moans, and hairballs.  What good are people acting like that?  Just don't do it.  Be the hands your cats crave.  

Too much Competition

[Paige, that's my hand.  Give it back.]

 Ruru the Cat here.  So it's hard enough to get time with my person with my kitten going up all the time.  Just 'cuz I give my person attitude every time I have to share her does not mean I shouldn't have all of her time.  She was mine first.  Maybe I should be whiny for attention in the middle of the night.  Then, she'd give me more time.  Works for the kitten.  

[Doesn't he look comfy?  Well, that should have been my spot.]

But then, my person's mom, who has perfectly usable hands, was laying there like a slug all day yesterday, and everybody else claimed all the comfy spots.  I swear.  It's not fair that I have to share with cats.  It's worse yet that I have to share with dogs.  

[Fine.  I'll go fine someone else to cuddle.]

I'm pretty sure she was sick, but I figured I'd get full use of that hand to get myself petted. Be more sympathetic toward the sick, you say, Toothless?  I'm the one who suffers! It just wasn't fair that Maya took her shoulder, Toothless right in front of her, Bean the dog in that lovely, comfy spot where her legs bend, and there was nowhere left for me.  Doesn't everyone know I have a higher right because I'm not just A cat but THE cat, the most important cat?  What does it take to get some priority around here?