Sunday, August 23, 2020

School?

school bus
[The nasty thing comes]

 Ruru the Cat here.  I know the script.  Every fall, my person disappears into this terrible place called [scary music] SCHOOL!  It eats her alive every single day (except two random days put together) then spits her out exhausted and without any energy.  I don't know what they do there, but whatever it is must be horrible.  Torture?  A whole day without cats?  Oh, wait.  I repeat myself. 

cat and her human
[My human where she belongs...in jammies and with me.]

But this time, it was a little different.  She was gone for a day, dressed up in something other than jammies, so I knew that nasty S-word was back again.  But then, she was back, hanging out with me again the next day.  Then a day later, she was gone again.  Then, the next day, she was back.  Those days she was with me, she stared at a computer, but that's nothing new. 

a cat
[The center of the world.]

I just don't get this weirdness.  I'm good with it because why would a human leave the house for that nasty school stuff when you've got a cat to love?  We are, after all, the center of the world.  I wonder if they forgot they were supposed to do this nasty school business every day.  Humans are strange that way.  They forget the things they used to think were important.  Forget away, humans, if it means I get my person here most days.  Some stuff about humans (like their forgetfulness, their food, their hands to pet me, stuff like that) are okay with me.  Carry on.  

Monday, August 17, 2020

Exposed!

[My favorite hidey-hole.]

Ruru the Cat here.  So just when things settled after we got rid of the toddlers, things started to get strange again.   My people started clearing out everything on the floor but sofas and stuff.  I got the feeling they would have put us somewhere on the shelf if they could.  Well, my favorite hidey-hole, a couple of weird chairs stacked together, making a fun little tunnel, disappeared, too.  It just wasn't there anymore.  


[Priorities!  By that, I mean me and giving me cheese.]

Now, I was left exposed when several little kids with grabby hands showed up.  They wanted to grab me, but I was able to hide in my handy dandy underwear drawer.  Instead, they chased down the kittens.  Whew.  But that left me without a hidey-hole.  When I want to remind my people to give me treats when they're giving the dog treats.  This is very important because humans are so forgetful of what is truly important, namely, me.  

[My substitute hidey-hole.  I want my real one back.]

Fine.  I finally gave in and decided to use that weird structure that bores me but now seems to thrill the dumb kittens.  I still refuse to climb it, even when they put treats higher up.  But it does make a handy dandy place to hide.  Especially now that two old people have moved in.  I don't know why two old people would move into MY house without my permission.  My person's mother calls the old lady "mom," and the male human child calls her "grandma."  I know what a mom is, but I didn't think they were so OLD.  But "grandma" is a new one on me.  They even SMELL old.  At least they don't chase me around and try to grab me like the toddlers do.  I can't help but wonder if the disappearance of my happy hidey-hole has everything to do with old people shuffling and stumbling around my house.  

[Dangit.  They found me.]

Here's the one problem with my new hidey-hole: it's not so hidden.  Dumb kittens AND dumb dogs can find me in it.  Oh, and those pesky kids, too.  When do I get my stinking spot back?  



Monday, August 10, 2020

Seriously, what's with all these Toddlergeddons?

[Me and Dumb Kitten, lulled into a false sense of security by the lack of toddlers in my house.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Why didn't someone warn me they were coming again?  This is MY HOUSE, MY RULES.  If you don't like it, go find another house.  But take me because you still need to feed me.  Anyway, so yesterday, my people left as usual.  But it wasn't exactly a normal leaving because my person was still here.  Her dad was still here.  There was nothing to foreshadow the doom that was coming my way.

[Those scary monsters were in the door before I even saw them coming.]

It's bad enough that my person seems to be so busy with the yeti people (her cousins, I guess) plus that new kitten that I can scarcely get much time with her.  It was worse yet when my person's mom showed up, followed closely by [insert scary movie music here] the TODDLERS and their adult slaves.  You'd think I'd get like an earthquake or hurricane alarm or something sounding everywhere so I could hide in the basement or leave the state.  But NO.  Of course not.  Gotta figure out how to get one of those installed.  I had to come all the way upstairs only to find those monsters here, already in MY house.  

[The large human child finds us everywhere.  We are not amused.]

You better believe I hid most of the time.  But there's now this little girl from some other magically  appearing place--got me as to where--that showed up this week to chase us cats around.  She'll follow us up AND downstairs, so there's nowhere to hide except my person's room, and that stays closed most of the time.  Even my underwear drawer of solitude isn't always secure.  She'll drag us out, so the toddlers can chase us down.  Will this deeper and deeper level of hell never cease?  

[Cue the scary music.]

The dogs seemed okay with them.  In fact, the toddlers' caretakers brought their own dog, that other puppy, Angel, I thought was gone for good.  She and Bean, our annoying, in-your-face puppy and she spent the whole time playing and frolicking.   Sometimes, their doggie parents even got in the game.  It was a serious mess, made complicated by toddler-smelling stuff EVERYWHERE from diapers in our garbage to toddlers in the human food storage to the chair where I sit to remind humans it's their obligation to sacrifice to the cat god (me, of course) to our usual hiding places.  There was not a square inch of space without one, two, or even THREE toddlers.  

[Better her than me.]

I heaved a sigh of relief every time that smallest human (once a safe-but-smelly baby, now a dangerous-but-still-smelly toddler beast with grasping hands) grabbed my kitten.  I love the little beast with the most reluctant love imaginable, but better her than me.  Serves her right for being small, dumb, and cute.  Don't ask me if I'm talking about the human or cat.  Probably both.  They deserve each other.  

Paige wanted to say something: hi!  i'm paige!  I loved all of it!  i loved the people and the puppies and the little kids!  they all loved me!  it was so great!  

Man, kid, you don't get it, do you?



[Look at that look of terror.  Who would do that to a cat?  Oh, right.  A gremlin.]

The larger, male toddlers (who knows if they're still toddlers--always will be to me) were, as usual, loud, handsy, and everywhere like heat in the summer, only worse. But worst of all, they didn't even drop much FOOD and drank milk without sharing.  What a tragedy.   Between that new neighbor girl and the hoard of rampaging human gremlins, it's a miracle I survived this weekend.  I came so close to death (or really, the clutches of toddlers) so many times, it's not even funny.  Whoever invented toddlers should be handed over to grasping, sticky fingers and never let out to see the light of day.  Seriously.  Humans of all sizes are twisted.  

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Pom Family Reunion

[I'm happy with other people, but my favorite is my mommy.]

Hi!  I'm Bean!  They also call me Beanie Boo.  Not sure why.  I'm a puppy!  I stole Ru's blog 'cuz she left it open.  Have you noticed she's kinda grumpy?  I still love her like everyone here.  I just wish she'd let me play with her and chew on her a little.  It'd be fun!  

[I'll do anything to get to Mommy, even swim]

Anyway, so this amazingly awesome thing happened!  I thought it was so great that my people have started letting me swim in their pool, so I could rush to my mommy!  It's so hard to be away from her for even a minute.  I whine when she does crazy things like get in the tub or pool without me.  I mean, I don't like baths, but when I'm outside the tub, and she's inside, she's so FAR AWAY!

[Every kid wanted to play with us puppies.]

But something even more amazing happened!  My people took me on a campout with lots of people I kind of remembered.  I think they're friends or family or something.  Several of them smelled familiar.  I was just happy to be with my person, even though my father and mother Poms stayed home.  It was great to have my mommy just to me.  

[Me and my sisters.]


But better still, some of those people brought my sisters!  I got to play with my twin, Angel, and my baby sister, Cinnamon!  I haven't seen them in forever!  I love to play with them!  They're so much fun!  

[Where I belong.]

I didn't like it when my sisters tried to steal my food or when one of the little humans kept throwing stuff in my dish.  I also didn't like it when all the little humans kept grabbing me away from my mommy.  They kept dragging me farther and farther away from my mommy, which made me grumpy.  Doesn't everyone know I'm supposed to be on my mommy's shoulder?  That's the only place for a dog.  

[One of the loud yetis that barked all night long.]

I also didn't like the big, scary dogs Ru calls yetis some people brought.  I was afraid when we went to a big lake thingie that my mommy would throw me in the water and make me swim back.  I just don't like being away from her.  Oh, and the fire was kind of scary, but the meat they cooked over it was yummy.  And everything else about the trip was so great!  I loved it!  Oh, here's Ru.  

[Man, I hate it when they steal my blog.]

Man, dog, can't I even steal your dog food in peace without you stealing my blog?  Seriously.  Oh, so that's what you were up to when the humans ditched me with those stupid kittens again.  Meat sounds good.  But puppies?  Water?  Fire?  Small humans?  Yetis?  Blech.  I'd much rather stay here in peace where I can beat on anything that bugs me.  I'm not grumpy.  I just know what I like.  And getting chewed on and all that crap you thought was so wonderful?  Yeah, that's not it.  I just don't know why humans keep leaving home when I'm here.  After all, if you have a cat, what else matters?