Addition Sucks

[Wearing costumes=misery]

Ruru the Cat here.  I've told you how much I don't like puppies.  I've told you how I really really don't like to be dressed up in a costume or any clothing at all. Now, imagine those nasty things combined, costume PLUS puppy.  Yeah, my person put me through that.  Not kidding.  I think she must hate me.  I love having her around more...except when she pulls crap like this. 

[This feels like a personal threat.]

Have you seen what puppies do to stuffed animals?  That annoying Bean's favorite hobby, other than trying to kill his equally annoying sister, is trying to chew the limbs off his stuffed monkey.  Puppies are all about destroying and unstuffing stuffed anything. 

[Deepest level of hell.]

So now, imagine me wearing something that makes me look like a stuffed animal.  Yeah.  Both puppies decided it was tug-of-war time with ME.  My people hate me.  Truly. 

Traitor to Her Kind

[Traitor]

Ruru the Cat here.  I've been watching a development with growing concern.  I was hoping I was imagining something, but it's grown increasingly apparent that there is a traitor in our midst.  I didn't want to admit it, but it's true.  Sylvie likes the puppies.  Especially the bigger one named Angel.  There, I said it.  I know, I know.  It's shocking news.  A cat should never befriend dogs.

[I never did like kittens or puppies]

She has the good grace to ignore or push aside the bigger dogs for treats.  She doesn't even seem to be a big fan of Bean, the smaller, crazier one.  I worked hard to make him terrified of cats, and it's mostly worked.  But she'll actually play with Angel.  I may have mentioned this before, but I don't think I've given it the attention it deserves.

[Neither one of them even likes me.  Go figure.]

The two of them will stalk each other around and around furniture and then brawl and chew on each other like kittens.  It would be fun to watch if it weren't for the fact that these two creatures are the greatest threats to my peace and quiet, kittens and puppies.  She's a big kitten, but she's pretty clearly still a kitten.  Can I get someone to take them out of my house?  I like my peace and quiet.  It was lovely while it lasted.

Nasty Rumors

[Cass thinks she can hide from my wrath.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I consider myself a fairly patient cat.  Stop laughing, Toothless.  Yeah, you, too, Sylvie.  Cass, you don't have to cower in the corner.  No, never mind.  Go ahead and cower.  Makes me feel better about life. 

[My least favorite barky little monsters.]

I let my people bring first one dog then two in my house.  I thought they were going too far when they let those fuzz balls then reproduce to make smaller fuzz balls that have taken over my people, my space, my life. 

[Having to share my person with the monsters, especially this one--that is not my happy face.]

Now, there are not two but FOUR barky little monsters using up the love and affection I deserve. I'm nice.  I haven't killed anybody yet.  Maybe a mouse or two or three.  Possibly five. 

[I was hoping she was just fat.  Really fat, really fast.]

Anyway, so now, I'm hearing rumors of a most alarming kind.  I heard that the little white mama dog wasn't just fat but was actually about to pop and produce MORE annoying fuzzballs to steal MORE of my dog food, my people's attention, my space, my peace.  Now, my people wouldn't let this happen, would they?  WOULD THEY?  Please tell me this is not a possibility.  I must hear it, or I might do more than sharpen my claws on the furniture and steal all the dog food. 

[Cute, sweet, little me trying to decide who needs to die.]

I'm a beautiful cat.  A sweet cat.  A darling, PATIENT, NON-HOMICIDAL cat.  But if this rumor proves to be true, I don't know who I'll kill. 

New Thing in My House

[The old sofa was fine.  Why do we need to change it?]

Ruru the Cat here.  So a thing happened.  I don't know that it's a big thing.  My people got rid of the old sofa and replaced It with a big thing that takes up all the space.  On the bright side, I can get behind it and look around for mice.  On the not so bright side, the other cats are often back there, too.  I really don't get much use out of it, so I don't know why anyone would want to do a thing like this.  I just don't like change, and no one asked my permission.  

[Did I mention it smells like someone else's dog?]

Wheeeeee!  This is Bean the puppy!  I can bounce and bounce and play on it and run across it back and forth across every person.  It's so bouncy!  My people are right there, all in a row, so I can bounce off all of them!  I can make footprints and bounce and bounce and bounce!  I love it!  I miss the spot on the old sofa where we could scratch at it and make a hole bigger.  It was great.  But this is good, too!

[The annoying puppies on the old recliner, which also left.]

Well, as long as the annoying hairball is messing around downstairs, he doesn't invade my turf.  But sometimes, the people stick him in my room.  As long as he has his bouncy, happy play space downstairs, I don't think that's necessary.  So keep the hairball away.  Or better yet, send him to wherever you sent the old sofa.  Yeah.  Do that.  You do have my permission for that. 

No More Yetis!

[Look at the scary Cali]

I can't even.  This is Ru the Cat, but I'm just not...I can't talk about this subject without wanting to claw someone's eyes out.  Seriously.  I thought it was bad when my people had a guest visit with a big, scary dog I remember used to live here.  Cali, I think it was.

[My red dot.  Mine.]

 She and the puppies and that annoying Sylvie dominated the red dot and everything.  It was just so unfair.  I was so thankful to see her gone, and I about died with joy when she left again.  I was afraid she was going to move in.  Again.  But the yetis, oh, the yetis.  Okay, annoying hairballs.  Your turn. 

[This doggie is scary]

Bean the fun fun awesome puppy.  That's me.  Cali was great.  She was scary and huge and wanted to play with us, which was scary, but she was fun and awesome and fun.  

But scary.  

Yes, that was my sister, Angel.  She's kind of a wuss.  She's almost twice my size, but I kick her fuzzy tushy all the time 'cuz I'm big and mean.  

Well, not exactly big.  

Angel, I've got this.  And mean.  And big.  I can even kick Daddy's butt!  

Dodger:  Don't even try it, kid. 

[This doggie is scarier.]

I'll go stand over here.  Daddy's kind of mean.  Anyway, so last week, my people invited over humans that brought some really awesome big, fluffy, white dogs!  Well, one was big.  

[One yeti is big.  One is really really big.]

One was a huge monster mountain.  They take us on walks with the huge, scary yetis that make Cali look itty bitty. 

Yes, those would be the yetis.  Get on with it, mutts. 

[Walks with the yeti.]

Angel and I kind of hid behind our humans because the yetis are so big.  And they keep wanting to play.  I finally had to have my person pick me up.  

My person.  Mine.  She's mine. 

But then, we got home, and it was fun because the scary big doggies went home, and we were free to run and play and kill each other and have lots of fun.  It was fun.  

You're fired, dog.  You're not much of a storyteller.  You didn't even tell them how yetis have a tendency to make lots more yetis until we're up to our eyeballs in yetis.  Teach me to trust a dog, even a small one.