Ssstupid Birthday Partiesss

[I've been a martyr]

Ruru the Cat here.  We have a martyr in our midst.  Can I say how happy I am that I wasn't stuck doing the python did yesterday?  Now, I've been there.  I got hauled all over creation on my person's birthday some years ago.  *Shudder.*  Never again.  I wasn't going to let someone else take over my blog this week because I was going to tell you how sad it is that Grumpy Cat, spokescat of grumpy cats like me everywhere, has died, but I think this is a noble cause.  Besides, if I don't have to write, I can go steal more dog food while they sleep. 

[I don't like carss.] 

Asss the cat sssaid, my human thought it would be a great idea to haul me in a tub in a car yessterday.  It was not a good idea.  It sssucked, asss humanss ssay.  I sspent the whole time in that tub explaining to my human what a bad idea thiss wass.  Finally, he let me ssit on hiss head.  He had heat, sso it sseemed like a good idea.  It took a while to find comfort insside a rumbly thing like a car, but when I could look ahead, it wasss better.  

[Humanss, assk a sserpent's permisssion before you hold them.]

Then, he let all sorts of unknown humanss hold me.  Did I give permisssion?  I think not.  The firsst sset was sscared to touch me.  That was a bit ssatissfying.  But the otherss were not sscared.  They sstopped sshort of sswinging me around, but I wasn't ssure they were going to do sso.  

[Jusst ssay no to birthdayss.]

The worsst part wass it wass cold.  I kept trying to climb into ssomeone'ss shirt or jacket, but no one sseemed to get a hint.  Finally, they sstuck me in my box, in the car, sso I could be warm, and they brought me home.  Thiss whole birthday sstuff is for the birdss or humanss or whatever.  I don't approve.   

Let this be a lesson.  Humans out there, never have a birthday.  And if you do, don't include us.  Ever again.