Play? Play!

[People are mean.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I thought I was going to actually get to write my own blog this week.  I thought I was going to get to complain all about how cute my person thinks it is to haul my fuzzy butt out into the snow and make me cold and angry.  Or how she tossed me in the snow or how she plays with my whiskers and sometimes even plucks them out.  I had a whole lot of complaining to do this week.  Instead, that stinking dog, Cali, insists it's her turn to steal my blog.  Really?  I just got my blog back from a pincushion on legs.  Gah.

(ME! CALI!)

Hi!  I'm a dog!  I'm Cali!  I'm a dog.  

I knew this was a mistake.  You just repeated yourself.  

Bark bark bark bark!  

In human words, dog.  People don't speak stupid.  

[Me, asking Ruru to play.]

I was just saying I want to play.  Do you want to play with me?  I want to play with you!  I like to play!  I like to chew on my bones and on my toys and on your toys and I'd really like to chew on the cats around here, but they won't let me. 

Darn straight.  You try, you die.  Does that face in that picture say play with me?  I don't think so. 

[I love toys and ornaments and balls and toys.]

I like to go outside and play.  And I like to play with balls and ornaments on the tree and with bones and with cats.  Did you know I like to play with cats?  Oh, look!  A cat!  

Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark! 

Never again.  Never never never again will I let a dog touch my computer.  

[Me with my friends!]

I like to play with my friends, too.  I have lots of friends I like to visit.  Person friends and dog friends that all play with me.  I have two friends here, Twixie and Dodger.  We like to run around and around and around and bark and play and play and play. 

[I, Ruru, stuck this picture here to show that Dodger will let people do just about anything to him.]

[Even this, the cruelest of all human-inflicted torture devices: the bath tub.  Something is wrong with a dog that will let humans do this.]

Dodger doesn't seem to know how to be a puppy, but Twixie is a great puppy!  

Says you.  Useless throw rug if you ask me.  Makes a good butt warmer when he sits in my seat.  

And I like to eat.  Food is yummy.  All food.  I like my food and Twixie and Dodger's food and person food, but my mommy won't let me have much person food.  It's so yummy.  

She's not kidding she likes to eat.  I used to be able to sneak some dog food.  Now, vacuum breath sucks it all down and looks around for more.  Dude.  What does it take to get dog food around here anymore?  And speaking of vacuum, I have never seen a creature that thought that loud, obnoxious, smelly monster was anything but a threat.  Weird Cali likes to play with it.  Not kidding.  Something is just not right with that dog.  

And walks are so great!  I love to go outside and play and play and play and smell everything, but mostly play!  

See my first point.  Outside is the very devil.  You know dogs have real problems if they think there's anything redeemable about the not-so-great outdoors.

[My mommy is so great.  She decided she wanted to look just like me.]

Most of all, I love my mommy!  My mommy is so wonderful!  She gives me food and treat and loves!  She snuggles me to sleep!  

Poor woman has to listen to the piggie snorts of this crazy dog and her buzz saw snores.  Don't know how she sleeps through any of this.  Really, I question that human's sanity that she puts up with it.  Besides, doesn't this dog understand humans are staff?  They provide companionship, yes, but more often are useful for body heat and for giving us what we need.  They are NOT "mommies."  Gah.  My person is my person, not my mommy.  

I'm so happy!  Life is wonderful!  I want to play!  Will you play with me?  

[How life should be: me, my person, my blog, and NO DOGS.  Read the shirt.  'Nuff said.]

Heck, no.  Enough of that nonsense.  Sorry I didn't get to say much this time.  From here on, you'll get to read logic, sense, and gentility.  I promise.  Absolutely no. More. Dogs.  

Play?