All Gone

(One of the decorations I hate but will miss.)

Ruru the cat here.  I know I've been kind of whiny about Christmas.  Oh, hush, Toothless.  I don't need you butting in.  Yes, I've been very whiny about this Christmas stuff.  But now that it's all gone, I'm kind of sad.  Okay, so I still got some ham bits all week, leftovers from Christmas.  But I watched my person's mom take down my jungle gym, with all its dangly, spangly stuff, and I got really upset.  I sat in the tree-shaped jungle gym to try to defend it and show that it shouldn't go into boxes along with everything else.  It didn't help.  All the other decorations I've been able to chase around and attack, including that fake glowy cat in the window I kept beheading, have also disappeared. 

                                                         (Me being super duper lovey.)

Worse yet, I heard a horrible rumor that these lovely days when my person is around all day long are also going away.  That can't possibly be true.  She wouldn't leave me for that horrible school place, would she?  I mean, I think I've done a pretty good job of showing her how cuddly I could be all day long. 

                            (Part of the crap I've tolerated without killing anyone 'cuz I'm such a saint.)

I've put up with her rearranging my face and dressing me in silly clothes.  I've even been found sitting outside her door, waiting for her to stop being boring and wake up.  I can't believe all these rumors.  But the rumors about disappearing jungle gyms and spangles were true.  Maybe this one is, too.  Man, I'm depressed. 

This Christmas Stuff

(My jungle gym!)

Ruru the Cat here.  I'm still not sure what to make of this Christmas stuff.  I still love my funny-looking, tree-shaped jungle gym with all the sparkly stuff on it, but everything else is a mixed bag. 

(Mmmm.  Meat!)

There have been wonderful things like when my person's mom trotted out a plate full of meat and shared some with me.  That was a slice of heaven. 

(Boxes and wrapping paper...the stuff of legend.)

There have been other good things, tempered only by crazy human behaviors.  They keep chasing us away from that lovely jungle gym and from a pile of wrapped stuff.  Let me tell you, that paper they use shreds nicely.  Who cares about the human stuff inside, when I can rip into the paper and sit in the boxes?  But the crappy part of it was after chasing us away, then they went right to the tree this morning and ripped open that paper themselves.  How is that fair? 

Okay, but that wasn't the really bad stuff.  That was just the good stuff that people wouldn't let us touch.  The really horrific stuff is yet to come.  My person turned me into a doll in what she called a "one cat pageant."  You may want to look away if you're easily upset. 

(She put this horrible thing on me and called me "Mary," whatever that is." 

(In this thing, she called me "Joseph."  Weird.)

(She wrapped me tightly in this blanket--which I didn't like at all--and called me Baby.  Baby was my obnoxious sister, not me.)

(She put this silly thing on me and called me a shepherd.  Who knows with humans.)

(She put this on me and called me a "Wise Man." Wise, I like.  But man is a human. That's an insult.)

(Meanwhile, the dumb dog, who doesn't mind getting dressed up, just got to look like this as a "sheep."  People don't make sense.)

I had just decided that this Christmas stuff was for the birds--or for crazy humans--when they trotted out the good stuff.

(The jacket so my person can haul me around in a pouch.)

(The treats, the jingly ball, and the fuzzy mouse-looking thing that smells like rabbit fur.)

I've decided that Christmas isn't all bad.  I mean, meat, toys, jungle gym, wrapping paper, treats, presents for me?  I'll forgive it.  This time.  

Snow is a Four-Letter Word

[This is not funny.  Not even sort of, so stop laughing.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Humans are despicable.  Okay, my person did a despicable, horrible thing.  It's almost too painful to describe, but I'll tell you, anyway.  She took me out into that horrible white stuff outside my house and plunked me down in it.  And laughed!  LAUGHED!  Seriously, there's something seriously wrong with a person that does that.  It was cold and wet and nasty.  I don't know why you'd want that stuff around at all.  There's no point to it that I can see.  They should have it just removed.  

[People suck.  I mean, really.]

But it clearly wasn't enough to throw me in that horrible stuff.  Then, she had to send me down the slide.  

[Humans=pure evil.]

And put me on the swings.  

[Get thee hence, humans.]

And toss me in the sandbox.  

And laugh and laugh and laugh like a maniac.  I mean, what is with that kid?  She's usually so nice to me.  And I looked to her mom for help, but I may as well have looked to the nasty white stuff, for all the good it did me.  She just aimed that camera thing at me and laughed with my person.  They're all sick.  SICK, I tell you.  

[Aaaaah.  Better.] 

Everything got a little better when they brought me back inside, but then they brought me just a little too close to the fire and discussed warming me up with the even-worse thing called a bath.  

 

[Not better.  Really really not better.  A cat is not a dog.]

They didn't go that far, but my person did stick me on a dog's leash to make me walk at the end of it.  Seriously, I'm not a dog.  Dogs are foolish enough to play in snow and want leashes.  I'm a cat.  Cats don't stoop so low.  Cats understand that snow is just water in disguise, and you know how we feel about water.  

I should really kill them all in their sleep, drag them out back on the end of a leash, and bury them in that white stuff and see if they like it.  But then again, if I did that, the lovings would stop.  And there'd be no one to feed me.  Okay, fine.  I'll let them live.  This time.  

Bah. Humbug.

[Dogs don't get it, either.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My person still really doesn't get it.  I keep making it PAINFULLY clear (like with claws and very sharp, grumpy teeth) that I do NOT like costumes.  I've blogged and blogged and blogged to tell the WORLD about how much I hate costumes and this whole business of Christmas (except when people give me little bits of yummy Christmas cookie dough or turkey or something).  But yet here, my person wants to actually make costumes for me and the rest of the animals in the house to force us to act out something called a pageant.  Seriously?  Baby was lucky getting out early.  

[It had to die.]

I really really really hate costumes.  I really really hate how much my people leave with the words "Christmas" on their lips.  I really really really really hate how my person comes home with presents that contain fake cats, as if I'm not enough.  Just makes me feel grumpy.  I beheaded one, but they repaired it.  They just don't get it.  

                                                                           [Grr]

But nothing makes me feel more grumpy than all this costume business.  And Christmas seems to involve a LOT of costumes.  They wear silly hats with bells and robes and wings and all these things I can't hope to understand and don't want to.  

[Something is really wrong with a dog that doesn't object to this.]

I just can't wait until this Christmas stuff goes away again.  Except my lovely, green, tree-shaped jungle gym with lots of spangly stuff on it.  Leave me that and send away everything else. 

What Is this Christmastime Stuff?

                                                        (Missing: One Obnoxious Sister)

Ruru the Cat here.  This has been a very strange week.  My person left for a couple of days (again!), but that was the least of the weirdness.  At least I didn't get locked in her room.  

One very strange thing that happened was Baby, one of my sisters, disappeared.  It's not like we've ever been close.  She tends to like to hide away in someone's bedroom for hours at a time and only condescends to show up to beat someone up to steal their food.  Something is not right with that cat.  But what can you do with a nutty sister? Well, someone did something because I haven't seen her in days.  Someone said something about giving her away to a man and his son who needed a mouser, but our people wouldn't do that, would they?  And if they did it to her, couldn't they do it to the rest of us?  I'm disturbed by this.  But maybe it's not such a bad thing she's gone.  Who needs sisters, anyway?  Especially ones with bad breath and claws.  

(Merry Christmas?)

Okay, but enough of the super serious stuff.  I keep hearing about this thing called "Christmas."  I still don't have the slightest idea what it's about, but I'm not sure if I approve.  I am noticing strange stuff around my house.  Like a little house thing they won't let me play with, cinnamon-smelling stuff (I HATE cinnamon--nothing spoils milk or any other yummy stuff faster than cinnamon), and a lot of turkey leftovers that get shared with us.  So most of that is just not good for us cats.  Except the turkey.  Turkey is my favoritest thing in the world other than steak and mice.  

But this amazingly wonderful thing has happened.  They brought back our JUNGLE GYM, that wonderfully glorious green thing that looks like an evergreen tree and smells like plastic.  But it's got all these great branches to climb on, all these shiny things to attack and knock off.  Not even kidding.  It's the best thing in the WORLD!!!  It makes up for weird disappearances of my people and then Baby.  It makes up for that cinnamon stuff that stinks up my whole house.  It makes up for everything.  The world is a glorious place with my jungle gym in it.  You should get one for your cats. It might help them almost tolerate you.