Celebrating Me!

[Demon Cats keep trying to muscle in on my birthday.]

Ruru the Cat here.  It was my birthday yesterday!  What does that mean?  Got me.  But the humans made a big deal of it.  They gave me amazing fishie crackers.  The really tall human male child sprinkled me with fishie crackers, as many as I could want, but I only took one.  Just to be contrary.  I've wakened my person in the middle of the night just to steal some.  Now, I could have as many as I wanted, so I only took the one.  I like to be unpredictable. 

[The good stuff.]

Then, they trotted out the good stuff, the meat. They shared a little bit with others, including my dumb brother who they said also had a birthday. Of course, he would steal my birthday.  Brothers.  But the biggest pile was for me.  Meat.  It was amazing. I lapped down every last nibble, so there was nothing left for that stinking Wren kitten to steal. 

[The best place for me--with my person.]

Also, my person spent some awesome time with me.  She mostly hides in her room, which has now been taken over by my rivals, including two enemy kittens.  I've had to mostly retreat to my person's mom's room to get some peace and quiet around here.  But last night, my person petted me nonstop for a long time.  It was amazing!

[My new favorite hobby, guarding my nip.]

And, maybe best of all, they brought in a pile of that lovely stuff called catnip.  We've been fighting over it ever since, rolling in it, brawling to have it, sleeping in it, just finding it to be the loveliest stuff.  Except the dumb little one-eyed kitten who can't seem to smell it.  What is wrong with that thing?  I've pretty much moved in under a chair next to the pile of the stuff.  Who needs to hide in the underwear drawer or in my person's mom's room, when I can sit next to the pile of heaven?  Can I have my birthday every day?

Bean's Amazing Things!

 

[Hobnobbing with the enemy]

Bean:

This is Bean the Dog!  Last time, Ru wouldn't let me talk about the amazing things that I wanted to share with you!  This time, she will let me!  She says she wanted to whine about the kittens and stuff, but that's one of my amazing things!  I love little kittens, and we started out with six! Six fun little fluffy things for me to chew on and chase around!  I love kittens!  I was sad when they all we not away, but not the little one with one eye!  She's so cute, and she lets me snuggle her and play with her!  Everyone should have a one-eyed kitten!  Now, I have seven cats to love!  Woohoo!

[Need I remind you what too many cats look like?]

Ru:  

Seriously, Bean, there's nothing loveable about kittens and definitely nothing fun about having six obnoxious cats and kittens taking up my space in this house. A family only needs one, and that's me. And can you quit it with the exclamation points?  It's still my blog.  

[He thinks he looks pretty. I think he looks like a dog.]

Bean: 

Hey, Ru, it's my turn! Also, we had this lady that gave us baths (something I don't like so much) only to turn around and trim our hair and make us pretty!  It was fun, especially the extra attention and being pretty!  It was great!  

[Do you not remember the parts where they combed through any matted fur and trimmed hair in places I don't want to mention?  That was fun?]

Ru: Bath?  A haircut?  Great?  Are you sure you know how to use English?  Do you know what 'great' means?  Great does not mean haircuts or a bath, especially when Snow spent the whole time miserable and complaining because she'd clearly never been groomed before, and even Dodger whined a little.  Even you didn't much like it.  Were you actually there at the same bath and haircut?

Bean: It's my turn!  I'll say it like I want 'cuz my person wouldn't do something bad to me! 

Ru: 

Wanna Bet? They brought the kittens in, didn't they? 

[Me and my amazing sister!

Bean: Anyway, so then, we went on a road trip to visit some people.  One of them had two black things on his legs, but he was super happy to lay there and pet a dog!  He was great!  And he was the one with my wonderful sister, Cinnamon Bear!  We ran all over and played and played and played!  It was so great!

Ru: 

A road trip.  In a car.  Where you met your person's gimpy brother in two boot casts, who'd just been hit by a car.  Yeah, I heard all about it.  And you met with your dumb sisters, who are crazier than you.  And you went OUTSIDE.  And entered Toddlergeddon without screaming to be let out.  That does not sound like fun at ALL. None of it.  Not outside.  Not the car, the boring guy, not the insane canines, and certainly not Todderleddon.   

Bean: 

Don't listen to Ru!  It was all so amazing!  So great!  So wonderful! 

[My "we are not amused" face.]

Ru: 

I'm going to assume you don't know what those words mean and go back to bed.  Remind me not to let my blog get abused by a dim-witted dog again.  

Now, I'm Getting Mad

[It's me!]

Bean: 

Hi!  I'm Bean!  I wanna talk all about some amazing things!

Ru: 

Sorry, Bean.  This is Ru the Cat, and this is my blog.  You have to wait until next week.  I am so upset that I can't find words for how mad my humans made me this week.  

Bean: 

But humans are wonderful!  Wait, what's a human?

[My face on kittens. Any questions?]

Ru: 

Ignore the small, brainless dog.  My humans have done it again.  I've blogged all about how much I can't stand kittens, how much kittens drive me nuts, how frustrating kittens are because they have no respect for big, smart cats.  Particularly me.  

[The hoards have descended on my spot.]

Well, my humans have let in more kittens.  Not just more kittens.  Not two or three or even four.  SIX more kittens.  Six.  My humans have become addicted to the little monsters.  And they bring the little beasts out of their isolated room wayyyy too often to give them love.  MY love.  That I should have. 

 

[Dumb Wren getting my lovings from my person.]

I thought they'd learned their lesson when they brought in Wren.  He's a little bipolar creature who flips from purry sweet to murderous in a second with no provocation or reason.  That, I can respect.  What I can't respect is that he doesn't leave my butt noodle alone.  It's my tail, and I want to play with it.  I don't need anyone else putting their smells on it. 

[Dumb dog, just say no.]

But I digress.  My main point is my house has been invaded by little monsters that will attack me, the dogs, the humans, anyone simply for sitting in their way.  Worse yet, anyone there may just get sucked on because they obviously have no sense at all.  A dumb, little boy dog is not going to give them milk or anything else but a headache. 

[These monsters are stealing my attention.]

There is no logic, no caution, no intelligence to those annoying hairballs.  They just eat or attack anything in their path and poop everywhere.  I just can't handle this. Humans, you're fired.