A Thing Appeared in My House

[The puppy on the strange thing]

Ruru the Cat here.  I'm not sure what to make of this new structure in my house.  It's kind of cool to look at, but none of the cats here knows what it's for.  It's this tallish thinish housish looking thing made of carpet.  The humans keep putting us on it, as if we know what to do with it.  If it were a box or a Christmas tree, I could tell you.  But it's not.  It's a thing. A boring, stationary thing.  Here's what my kitten ... I mean, the little kitten says.  

[The kitten confused by the strange thing as it was getting built.]

i like it here.  it's big and safe, and i get food.  i kind of remember playing with my sisters.  i kind of remember running around behind a big house.  we were scared and got wet when it rained.  my mommy stopped feeding us one day, so we had to eat  cat food.  but i had to race my sisters for every bite.  i am safer and happier here.  i have a new mommy that's a person.  she loves me and takes care of me.  she snuggles me.  she feeds me.  i love my new mommy.  and i love my new brother.  i never had a brother before.  i like food.  i climb up people and tables and chairs to get food.  

[Maya even finds the thing confusing.]

Okay, little squirt, that's all well and good, but I don't see what any of this has to do with that big, new thing in my house, the thing that is in the way if I want to go upstairs.  What do you think of that new thing?  That's what we're talking about.  

[I guess we can let the kitten keep it.  Even if she doesn't understand it.]

i like ru.  she's nice.  she sometimes licks me and will let me sit on her chair with her, so we can ask for food.  i like cheese.  cheese is yummy.  

Well, little Paige, you just don't get it, do you? You said nice things to me, so I'll pretend you're not a dumb kitten.  Well, anyway, we don't have any idea what that big new thing is for.  Humans are strange, you know that?  Just give us a box, and we'll call it square.  

Warm Fuzzy?

[I don't hate it.  Yet.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I don't know how to confess this.  It almost makes me break out in hives or, worse yet, feel almost human to say I don't hate the kitten.  There.  I've made my confession.  I'm not talking about the bigger one, the one we've had for just over a month.  No, he's just as evil and devilish as I'd expect a kitten to be, attacking anything that moves.

[It's as big as my hairballs.]

No, there's that other one, the one that looks like a hairball but with more, you know, HAIR.  Thing is tiny and doesn't say or do much most of time.  She does eat some of my lovely dog food but not all that much.  And she lets me eat her kitten food.  I get right up in her face, expecting to have to beat her down and show her who is boss.  But she just blinks at me with her huge, blank and clueless eyes.  I don't have the heart to kill her.  It's embarrassing, but I just can't do it. 

[Whoa.  Human, no touchy the other one.]

And my person loves her so much.  But, see, that's the problem.  This is MY person, not hers or anyone else's.  Here's what she has to say about all of this:

[This is me!]

Hi!  I'm Paige.  I'm cute.  Everyone tells me so.  My person likes me.  Everyone seems to like me.  The other cats like to fight Ru, but I think she's nice.  I like this place.  I think I'll stay.

[It's in my space.  IT'S IN MY SPACE.]

  
Oh, don't speak so fast, little one.  Just 'cuz I haven't killed you yet doesn't mean you can stay.  This is, after all, my space, my person.  I did not say I would share them forever.  But today, I'll let you live. 

Whoohoo! Except...

[Goodbye, puppies.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Man, it's like these people can read my mind.  Or maybe my blog.  I wanted the puppies gone, and two of them disappeared like magic.  I'm still stuck with the other three, but they mostly leave me alone except when I try to steal their food out of their dish or make off with their bacon.  I guess there wouldn't be food or bacon given to them if they weren't here.  So I'll let them live.  I know, I know.  My kindness and bounty know no bounds. 

[Goodbye, kittens.]

And then, the kittens showed up, and I really wanted them gone.  I mean, the only thing worse than a puppy is a kitten.  Then, poof, they were gone.  Except the annoying little boy that whined his way into this house and then the smallest and fluffiest of the kittens.  I wondered if maybe she was so small they forgot to get rid of her, too.  I have hairballs bigger than that one.  And the real problem with her is that she seems to have adopted my person as her person, too.  That will never do.  I'm still wondering if I can find a way to get rid of her.  My person's number one commandment is thou shalt have no other cat.  And here's this little sneeze of a thing, taking up my spaces and drinking up my water.  We'll have to work on this last little problem.

[Goodbye, Sylvie.  Hallelujah!]

 
But the miracle didn't stop there, oh no.  I heard male voices outside, and my people dragged Sylvie out to meet whoever it was.  I thought I'd be able to get rid of that bully that very day, but apparently, she ran into the bushes.  They gave away Cass instead.  And Cass is the one I really didn't have any ego problems with.  A few days later, my people left with Sylvie, and she hasn't come back.  It sounds like Cass and Sylvie have left the party, too, leaving just me, that old lady Maya, and my brother, Toothless.  And the annoying little hairballs.  My house is finally peaceful.  Ish.  I just hope my people don't get any more bright ideas about who else needs to go.  If they look my way, I swear I'll hairball on 'em or bite them.  It's great that they got rid of all the annoyances in my house (okay, almost all), but they'd better not get uppity with me.  This is, after all, my house.  And I let them stay here.  Isn't that nice of me? 

Out of the Freaking Frying Pan

[Get thee hence, puppy.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Now onto this week's blog.  I was so excited when I heard the itty bitty puppy Cinnamon was going somewhere else forever.  Nothing made me happier.  I felt like I was floating.  I was getting rid of a baby!  Whoo!  Now, if only I could figure out how to talk them into getting rid of the rest of the dogs, I'd feel like the world was a beautiful place.  

[I'll take my puppy back now.]

Well, she's gone, but it's not the great news I thought it would be.  Just before she went away, my people showed up with four kittens.  KITTENS.  They make a mess and tear through the food that should be mine.  And they're EVERYWHERE.  They're a wild force of nature like a tornado or a hurricane but worse.  Worse than yetis or toddlers or even other cats.  And I thought two puppies and ONE kitten were bad.  Gah.  I would say my house is going to the dogs, but it's worse than that.  It's going to the BABIES.  Can I box these kittens up and get my puppy back?

Dodger and Bean's (and Snow and Cinnamon's) Great Adventure

[Does this look like a yellow rock to you?  Looks like a mess.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My people weren't around to let me on the computer when I wanted to post this last week.  Seriously.  Human slackers make us cats look bad.

[My person holding the wrong cat]

 I'm not sure why this would be interesting to anyone.  I mean, four dogs go on a trip to see that Yellowstone.  Big whoop.  My people won't take me, but they'll take the dogs.  And the dogs are willing to go.  I seriously don't know why my people drop everything every year (especially me) to look at a rock that is yellow.  Doesn't make any sense.  It can't be that good, or they'd show the beings worth taking, namely, the cats.  It was pretty awesome that I had a quiet house with not a single dog, but I wish they'd taken Mr. MeowMeow, that annoying kitten.  Bean just won't shut up until I let him tell you all about it.  

[Me ready for my exciting trip]

Bean here.  I'm a big boy puppy.  The trip was so AWESOME!  It wasn't some yellow rock.  It was a really cool place that had smells of every description.  I missed my buddy, Mr. MeowMeow, the funny looking puppy.  I'm not sure why we couldn't take him.  We got to hang out around a campfire.  I got to see big blasts of water go straight up into the air.  I smelled rotten eggs, which wasn't cool, but it was great to be around my people and to go for a long ride.  I smelled lots of animals and barked at anything that could endanger my person.  She let me ride her shoulder around everywhere, especially around the campfire where there was meat.  Yummy meat.  So cool. 

[This should be my spot, not hers.]

Only thing that would have been cooler is if my person took me in that doggy backpack instead of my baby sister.  Oh, speaking of my baby sister.  

[Everybody took turns with me.  It was great.]

I'm Cinnamon Bear.  I'm the little puppy.  My people took me to a big place with lots of smells and colors, like my great big brother said.  It was a little scary because I've never been out of my house before.  I saw lots of rocks, but I don't know colors very much.  I don't know if any of them was yellow.  All the little kids wanted to hold me and snuggle me.  I even got to play with their faces.  Like Bean said, they took me in their backpack all over the place.  I couldn't see out the window very well, but it looked like lots of water was dancing everywhere.  I missed my home, but I'm glad I got to go with my people. 

[Trips (and everything else) worry me]

I'm Snow, Bean's and Cinnamon's mom.  It was scary, all of it.  I was afraid my baby and my little boy would get lost or hurt.  The smells were strange, especially a bear that had been around the campsite.  Everything was strange.  One of the scariest parts was the water falling from the sky and hitting the tent.  I was so scared the whole time.  It didn't help that I just had some kind of surgery a little while before, so I wasn't feeling so good.  Someone said I was fixed, but I didn't feel broken.  I'm just glad we're home.  Never again.  

I'm Dodger, Snow's mate.  Wherever my person goes, I'm happy.  I was happy far away.  I'm happy now. 

[Okay, fine.  I'll let you live.]

Ru back, the only voice here worth listening to.  It all sounds like too much of a mess.  Backpacks?  Yellow stone?  Dancing water?  Nasty smells?  Cars?  Fires?  Rain?  The only thing that sounds good is the meat.  And they didn't even save any for me.