[Me, facing off with one of those fiends. See those ears of terror?]
But you don't have to take my word for it. All the other animals suffered when my people let the two adult humans and their wild, untamed monsters into our quiet abode. All we cats had to hide upstairs or, better yet, downstairs, the whole time, but the biggest of those beasts has figured out how to open doors. He could FOLLOW us into what was supposed to be our paradise of catliness. It's not bad enough they let that monster dog in our space downstairs. Now, they're letting monster human spawn down there as well. It's just not FAIR. Okay, here, you can listen to what everyone else has to say about these creatures from the great abyss.
[The bigger humans trying to bias the vote by buttering up some of the voters.]
Okay, beasties in the human male's room. We'll start with you since I don't trust you much. I'll give you this last time to show me you're not total idiots. I'm doing my scientific and unbiased research to prove that human children are monsters. Okay, reptiles and lesser mammal, speak to me.
Hedgehog: They were all terrifying! I got my wonderful, fun, and awesome bath then the hoard of humans, large and small, showed up. They all smelled so scary! I'm trembling just thinking about it. Now, go away and don't look at me.
Me: Well, that was a promising start. I'll pretend you didn't say anything positive about that nasty B-A-T-H word. See? Small humans are deadly.
Leopard Gecko: Screaming and noise. Lots of noise. Not sure what it was.
Bearded Dragon: Yes, that was the juvenile humans. They are loud and smell funny, but I was able to ignore them because their big humans know how to hold me and pet me right under the chin where it feels so nice. Can we bring them back?
Me: No, we WILL NOT bring the big ones back because they come with their little ones. YOU DON'T LET MONSTERS IN YOUR HOUSE.
Python: The large humanssss knew jussst how to hold me. I approve. The sssmall humansss found ME terrifying. It wassss mossst gratifying. I fear no younglingsss that fear me.
Me: What good are you? Gah. I knew I didn't like reptiles for a reason. Cats, tell me how it really is with those terrifying little ones.
[See Maya's face? I'm not alone.]
Toothless: Yes. I liked her. I saw no need to hide that much because the big people petted me, and the little ones couldn't catch me. It was nice to snuggle her on either side.
Me: NO! The little bitty immobile ones become BIGGER!!! In no time, they'll be the Terror Trio, three monsters rampaging together! It's bad enough when there are just two! They'll all want to haul us around and pull our tails.
Cass: I hid downstairs. I think I'll go back now.
Me: Yes. What Cassandra said. Ignore the other two. They're fired. We'll consider them honorary dogs. Okay, dogs. Prove you're wiser than CERTAIN cats. I can't believe I said that.
[Look at the face of terror! Well, one of them, anyway. And look at Dodger's blank gaze. He just doesn't get much of anything.]
Dodger: Cat! Barkbarkbarkbarkbark!
Me: Translation: small humans are terrible.
Calli: They all petted me. It was nice.
Me: Do you not have ears? Or a NOSE? Small humans sound like sirens and smell like terrible humany smells.
Calli: I like human smells.
Me: Gah! What is wrong with you?
Twixie: The little ones weren't my favorite, but the big ones that came in rearranged my ears and fed me yummy stuff. I'd let them come again.
Me: And, there you have it. It's unanimous: small humans are little monsters that should not be allowed to come anywhere near the ears or tail or fuzzy bits of animals ANYWHERE. Now, you know.
[Wanted: Three horrible beasties. Or, rather, not wanted. Ever.]
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