It Sucks!

[The very face of evil.  Look away!]

Ruru the Cat here, finally in charge of my stinking blog again.  Can't believe that nutty dog, taking over my blog like that last week.  Well, I can tell you one thing: this blog is MINE.  And this week, we're going to talk about the horror called (cue scary music) VACUUMS.   I no sooner hear that loud roar then my whole body shudders, and I have to hide.  I'm sure it's going to get me, even through the closed door.  I will claw my way through anyone holding me back from flight.  The thing is a MONSTER!!!  So, I thought I'd survey all the rest of the pets in the house to prove with unbiased scientific evidence that all vacuums should be destroyed and thrown away then destroyed some more. 

[Dogs, help me here.]

Me: Okay, Twixie.  How evil do you think the vacuum is?  
Twixie:  I don't like it.  It scares me.  But not as much as that person over there!  Barkbarkbarkbark!  

Okay.  That was kind of helpful but not really.  Maybe the next interview will prove my point: EVERY animal in the house thinks the vacuum should go, so the people should listen up. 

Me: Hey, Dodger.  
Dodger:  Cat?  Barkbarkbarkbark!  
Me:  Shut up, idiot.  It's just me.  I'm here every day.  Should they throw the vacuum away or destroy it?  
Dodger: What's a vacuum?  Cat!  Barkbarkbarkbarkbark!

Gah.  Dogs are not being very helpful.  Okay, dog kind, you have one more shot to prove you're not totally useless.  Come on, don't fail me. 

Me: Calli, should they shoot the vacuum or take an axe to it?  
Calli: I love vacuums!  They're so much fun!  I can kill them and chew on them and kill them some more.  Then, I can chew on the hose and on the face, and I love vacuums!  

[Evidence dogs have a weird relationship with vacuums and shouldn't be trusted.]

Wow, that dog has issues.  A vacuum is not a toy.  It's a fiend from the eternal abyss.  Dogs just don't get it.  Okay, let's try the denizens of the boy's bedroom.  Here's your chance to prove you're a higher life form than a dog.   

[One of the inhabitant's of the boy's room.  No accounting for taste.]

Me: Okay, there are three reptiles and a mammal in here. How quickly should the vacuum die?  
Bearded dragon:  Pardon me, but that is a biased question and fairly unscientific in nature.  
Leopard gecko:  Vacuum?  Never heard of it.  
Ball python: Doesssn't matter to me.  I don't have earsss.  Got any ratsss? 
Hedgehog:  Scary predator!  Teeth!  Claws!!!  Gonna eat me!!!  Scary scary scary scary scary!!!  Is it gone?  

Wow, these guys are even more useless than the first set.  Teach me to trust reptiles and whatever that cactus rat thing is supposed to be.  At least I know the cats agree. 

[No matter where we sit, it's always there.  Lurking.]

Me:  Okay, guys.  Tell me how you feel about the vacuum.  
Maya:  Hate it.  Almost as much as I hate you.  
Me:  Thanks.  Feeling the love.  Remind me to steal your treats. Cass? 
Cass:  You're scaring me.  What was the question? 
Me:  Focus.  Vacuum.  
Cass.  Bad.  Now, go away.  And don't scratch me.  
Toothless:  It definitely has to go.  No question.  Are you gonna eat that? 

See?  All the animals in the house whose opinion matters agree that the vacuum needs to be launched into outer space and blasted with a ray gun or whatever it is aliens on tv shows do to monsters.  It's unanimous.  The vacuum has to go.