Oooh! Fun!!!!

 

 [I love to play with cats!  This is me asking to play with Ruru.]

Oh, look!  Ruru left the blog open!  Yipyipyippeee!  You know Ruru?  That cat I like to chase except she hides all the time?  I'm Calli!  And Ruru's not here, so I'm gonna make a blog like a big girl!

[Me and my doggie buddies!  We're dogs!]

  
I'm a dog.  You know what a dog is?  It's fun!  Like me and my doggie buddies!  We like to bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark at cats!  But people tell us no!  I don't know why because we're just asking them to play!

[Me, meeting a living chewy rope that I want to chew.]

I have a great time!  I get to play and chase cats and play!  I got to meet a snake!  Big snake!  I wanted to play with it because it looked like a chewy rope, but the people wouldn't let me!  Maybe some day!  And I will shake it and shake it and chew on it, and it will be so much fun!  

[Me, thinking about having fun with this lizard.]

And I got to meet a lizard! 

[Me, thinking about having fun with another lizard.]

And another lizard!  I wanted to chew on them and shake them and haul them around!  They looked like so much fun! But nobody would let me!  I'm so sad!!  

[Me meeting something called a hedge something.]

I got to meet this prickly ball, too!  It smelled yummy, but I couldn't figure out how to bite it because it was spiky all over!  I don't know what it is, but I would love to play with it, anyway! 

[Meeting a big, scary dog.]

Oh, and yesterday, I got to meet two big, scary, white dogs!  They were too scary for me to play with them!  I would have tried if I didn't have to leave!  Dogs are fun!  You should get one!!!!

[I get distracted for one stinking moment.  Gah!]

Oh, crap.  I just left to steal some dog food, and that stupid dog crept in and stole my blog.  Dogs are not fun.  Getting chased or barked at or "playing" with dogs is anything but awesome.  That thing's a serious destructobeast.  I kid you not.  Play=death.  Don't listen to a word that smelly dog said.  Man, shows me to turn my back on my computer around here.  I'm gonna go steal more dog food.  Except she's probably snorkeled it down already.  I said no dogs, and I meant it.  
  

Noodle Ball?

 (The old noodle ball we didn't need around here.)

Ruru the Cat here.  So, I started to smell something really nasty recently.  Wasn't sure when those slow humans would get around to smelling it.  I really think something is wrong with their noses.  I steered clear of the boy human's room for a while before they got wind of it.  The boy human came running downstairs, swinging a nasty smelling thing that I'm pretty sure used to be a large snake that once or twice stole my blog.  Turned out it got sick and died.  The humans acted like this was some kind of tragedy, but I found that stupid thing annoying.  I mean, it's my blog, right?  Who wants a reptile around that steals a cat's blog?

[The new noodle ball we really really don't need around here.  Not much of a difference, I know.]

Anyway, so I no sooner got one blog thief out of the house than the humans showed up with another that smelled and looked a lot like it.  Seriously?  Can't a cat blog in peace around here?  And speak of the devil (yeah, I mean that literally), here it comes.  With big teeth and scary coils, or I wouldn't let it anywhere near my keyboard.

[Thisss isss me.  Lovely, aren't I?  Much more ssstriking than the lassst inhabitant of my cage.  Pun intended.]

Ssssso I hear I'm not the firssst cccivilizing influenccce who hasss taken over thissss thing called a blog.  Other reptilesss have been here before me, including one whom the humansss called Keylime Python I.  I hear I have been dubbed Keylime Python II.  Not that sssuch trivial thingssss asss human namesss for usss matter that much.  And not sssure why anyone would want to read the meandering sssillinesss written by a cat.  

But it issss niccce to be able to communicate with an audienccce.  I never had thisss opportunity in my lassst placcce.  I was kept in a tub comfortably beneath my human'sss bed.  I had no complaintsss.  I was quite fond of my human.  I am not sssure why that human had the poor sssenssse to sssend me here.  He had been getting quite busssy, not asss much time for me.  Ssso here I am, ssstuck in a houssse full of inedible prey like hedgehogsss, sssilly predatorsss like catsss and dogsss, and even sssillier humansss who think it worth their time to keep mammalsss around when they could just focusss on the higher life formsss, reptilesss.  At least I have a bigger ssspace to ssstretch out.   Well, it'sss niccce to meet you, reptilesss everywhere.  I'm going to sssleep now.  

[Me, ignoring the waste of time called a snake.]

I'm back, the awesome Ru.  Silly predators?  Lower life forms?  Humph.  Shows what that snobby snake knows.  They're my humans.  No one has a right to call them silly but me.  Man, that snake is an even bigger jerk than the last one.  Ignore pretty much everything that crazy snake said.  I still haven't figured out how to eat a big thing like that, or I'd tell you how they taste.  

Squawkie Talkie

[Yeah, I look all cozy with this hellish instrument of cat ear destruction, but my people posed me with it while I was asleep.  They really are that perverse.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Oh, my crap.  Can humans get more annoying?  Over the weekend, my person got a squawkie loud little box that screams and yells and has voices coming out of it.  It hurts my ears EVERY SINGLE TIME.  She seems to find it fascinating and talks right into it, too, to encourage whoever is at the other end to talk back.  Actually, it's more than one voice.  And they're all annoying.

I'm not easily scared (except by that crazy newish dog in my house or by big dogs that sometimes invade or by cars or the outside or cats I don't know or the mirror or the bath tub...okay, so maybe I'm easily scared.  But don't tell anyone I said so.)  But this thing freaks me out and drives me NUTS.  It hits this pitch that makes all my hair stand on end.  I want to kill it like a mouse, but it's made of hard black plastic and seems unphased by my attacks.  It's just not fair that humans can come up with all these crazy ways to drive cats nuts.  Friendly reminder: if you're looking for a new and clever way to drive your cats nuts, just walk away.  Your cats, the benevolent rulers of this world, will take that as a sign that we should let you live.

Turf Wars!

[Our basement.  Ours.  Not yours.]

Ruru the Cat here.  One thing, above all, has been rule number one to the cats of this house: the basement is ours.  Our people would come down and do laundry sometimes, confusing us and making us think they were coming down to feed us.   That much could be forgiven.  But the dogs could only sneak down and steal from our litter boxes when humans weren't watching.  I mean, if a dog wants to worship us by using what we no longer need, who are we to say them nay?

But the dogs were NOT allowed down there.  Ever.   I mean, seriously, NO DOGS ALLOWED!!!  Humans would chase them out and chastise them if they were caught down there.  It was OUR turf, the one place we felt safe.

[It's bad enough this thing is in my house at all, chewing and snorting and snurfling dog food.  Now, it's invading my basement.  NOOO!]

Now, that person who lives here with the dog has moved into the basement.  WITH THE DOG.  I mean, they have a special room that's all theirs, which is whatever, except that the dog is now coming in and out, offering to eat the food we haven't finished, spreading her smells....  It's treachery of the basest kind that these things are happening.  Our sacred, safe, no-dog-land has been violated.  This cannot be forgiven.  Ever.

[We sit where we want, when we want.  So there.]

It's one thing if we're eating their food and stealing their turf.  It's a cat's right to be wherever she wants, whenever she wants.  But for a dog to do the same to a cat?  Sacrilege!  I would seriously write protest signs if I had any.  I would stage a sit in, but we're always sitting in something.  We'd all walk off the job except we have no job, and we're not gonna stop killing mice just to spite humans.  That wouldn't be very fun.  So here I am, blogging to show that humans just can't do this to us cats.  It's not the behavior of a properly worshipful acolyte.  Clearly, humans just don't understand that we rule the world.