Puppy Toddlers?

[Hmm.  Thought it'd be scarier.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Who knew that dogs have a toddler version?  I really had no idea.  We've had what people around here called puppies.  They seem hyperactive and bigger than me, jumping all over and trying to lick me.  Eating my dog food.  Attacking everything that moved.  Basically, a louder, bigger, smellier version of an obnoxious kitten (but I repeat myself.)  It turns out that puppies come in smaller sizes.  And wussier sizes, too.  Some people who are over here frequently (they own the yeti that used to haunt my backyard) brought these things they called "puppies." 

[This is where I was sure I was dead.]

When I caught that my person was holding one of those dog toddlers, I started to freak out.  I mean, puppies/dogs are bad.  Toddlers are worse.  You throw them all together into one creature, and you'd expect them to jump all over you, pull your tail, and suck on your head like you were a lolly pop until you exploded.  I mean, I was picturing a Mega Monster to end all monsters. 

[Twixie in his awesome cone of shame meeting one of the puppy things.  Did I mention it's the best thing ever to watch Twix try to run upstairs in that thing?  He bumps into every stair.  HEELARIOUS.  Bummer he's out of it now.  Thought I was gonna laugh myself sick.]

But then I saw that these things are about as scary as a spaghetti noodle.  I mean, the people plunk them down, and they sort of sit wherever they're put, like a stuffed "animal."  They were about as terrifying as a teddy bear.  Almost (but not quite) cute, too.  The worst part of their visit was NOT the floppy little fuzzpuddles, themselves. 

[My twisted person smiling over my pain over being outside.]

The worst part was my person thought it was hilarious to use their visit as an excuse to carry me to this big scary place they call OUTSIDE.  She thought it was awesome to swing with me. 

[Perversity of thinking I want to slide.  Do you see that look of terror?  Seriously.]

And slide with me.  I DO NOT WANT TO SLIDE.  All that fast moving?  Only way I want to move that fast is if I'm chasing down a tasty little mouse that needs to die. 

[Nasty grass.  Terrible stuff.  Why'd they ever invent it?] 

And put me into this awful stuff they call GRASS.  I mean, if not for that, I wouldn't mind those little dog-toddlers around here.  (Never thought I'd hear myself say THAT).  As long as they don't get big.  And toddlery.  Or, worse yet, turn into big, slobbery yeti dogs.   *Shudder.*