Sunday, November 19, 2017

Cat Rules for Surviving Toddlergeddon

[Behold the terrifying face of your nemesis]

Ruru the Cat here.  Man, you can't imagine what a rough weekend I've had.  My person had the right idea in hiding the second those scary toddler monsters showed up. They were all over my house, tossing stuff everywhere, dumping dog food in the clean pet water, chasing cats, spilling who knows what all over my carpet, and just generally being a worse pest than any mouse.  The other cats and I have been working on a list of rules to follow if not one but TWO nasty toddler beasties show up at your house.

    [Maya failing to follow her logical feline instincts and allowing herself to hobnob with the enemy]

1. Hide.  Hide fast, and stay hidden until there's no sound of toddlers.  Baby and Maya both say toddlers aren't so bad.  These nutty creatures drop food that can sometimes be yummy.  Okay, I'll admit a toddler gave me bacon one of the few times I showed up.  But hiding really is the best idea.  They can't beat on you and pull your tail if you hide.

2.  If you have to come out, run fast.  Those things can really move when they're chasing you.  The last thing you want to do is get caught.

3. Only come out to eat if they're asleep.  They smell kind of sweet and produce nice body heat.  They also have sticky stuff on them that tastes okay.  You see, I showed my bravery by snuggling one while it wasn't moving.  That was kind of pleasant, actually.  But I fled the second it moved.

                                                                     [Dogs don't get it]

4.  Make the dogs take the heat.  Dogs actually LIKE toddler attention.  Even Twixie doesn't find them too scary.  If dogs are out where they can be seen, cats are far less likely to draw the wrath of the wild toddler.  If you have to, chase the dogs out of your hiding place, so they are in a vulnerable and exposed position, not you.

Well, that's it.  If those things show up at your house, I know your first impulse will be to panic and maybe skip the state.  Just know you don't have to be helpless.

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