How to Love Me

Ruru the Cat here.  I have rules for showing me love like I want you to show me love and rules you should just not cross.  You'd think people would have these things figured out, but I figured I'd explain them because people want to forget stuff and act like the sillies they are.  So here are my rules.  Take notes.

1.  No little people allowed.  My people let the toddlers in the house again.  Well, the baby and the toddler.  I can hardly tell them apart anymore.  They just look like little people who want to thump on me, so I slink around quietly until they leave.  Any little person is not allowed to touch my soft, luxuriant fur 'cuz they'll just mess it all up.  That's a no-no.

2.  Do NOT touch my tail.  It's my tail.  Mine.  Not yours.  Don't act like it's yours.  Don't pretend that you have the right to touch it.  The big person who hauls around those little people I mentioned had the gall to touch my tail.  I told her not to, but she ignored me.  She thought I was Baby or some moronic dog, someone who doesn't know a cat's tail is her treasure.  People who touch my tail WILL DIE.  So just don't.

3.  It's okay to pet me nicely, gently, but only when I'm in the mood.  If you don't have my specific permission to touch my fur, don't do it.  Resist the temptation.  See the part about my tail.  If I'm sitting next to you, I'm likely giving you permission to pet me.  Try it.  If I don't attack, you have permission.  I'll let you pull me into your lap and love me.  You can rub my tummy, scritch my hears.  Whatever.  But when I wanna leave, just let me.

4.  Let me have my person all day every day.  This is my ideal, and this is what I've gotten this week.  I don't like it when she lies there like a limp noodle.  She's done that often over the last week, kind of like she's sick or something.  She just lays there all time time.  But she's here, so that's the important part.  I don't like it when she doesn't pet me.  But I like it when she's here all the time.  I like it when she holds me, pets me, snuggles me.  I don't like it when she pulls me around and rearranges me.  But I'll let her snuggle me in just about any way she likes because she's my person.

See?  Those are are easy.  You can obey them.  I'm a cat.  I don't believe in rules for me.  But people are different.  They like rules.  So just remember these, and we'll get along great.  But please, whatever you do, leave the toddlers at home.