Ruru the Cat, here. Did you know you, person, have cooties? Yes, You do. Person cooties are really bad. I love people, don't get me wrong. I love to let them pet me when I'm in the mood. Or even when I'm not in the mood. I can make space in my mood for people who want to pet me and hug me and play with my ears. Especially when that person is my special person. Except when she tries to stick her fingers in my mouth or dress me up in clothing or... well, those are subjects for another day.
But today, I have to tell you that people have serious cooties. I would let you pet me if you were here, then I'd have to clean off your cooties, every last one. I can't stand person cooties. Don't ask me how this makes sense, that I love it when people touch me but can't stand their cooties. But every time a person so much as touches my ear or the tip of my tail, I have to bathe the spot for a long time. We're talking ten minutes. Maybe more. In cat time? Let's see. I've never been good at math. But it's a LOT. It's a serious lot of work to clean off your cooties.
So as a humble request from my species to yours, please keep your cooties to yourself. I've tried to clean person cooties off the person first to make sure you don't spread them, but you spread them anyway. It's kind of frustrating. I mean, what self-respecting cat wants to smell like PERSON? The dog doesn't seem to mind, which seems kind of weird. I've tried to help her stop smelling like person, but it's kind of useless because she just goes and gets more cooties again, like she likes it. Seriously, people, it's just gross. You're gross. But I love you, anyway.
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