Ah, Man!

[A cat's view of heaven: papers to destroy, cats to play with, and mice to hunt.]

Ruru the Cat here.  You just don't know what a thrill it is to stalk a mouse!  Unless you had the wisdom to be born a cat, you can't even dream of the joys of the hunt, of sinking your teeth into its soft side, of throwing it into the air and having it flee for its life, knowing you can catch it again at any time!  Oh, such fulfillment!  One is never so very much a cat as when one is killing something.  So very satisfying. 

[The Pointless Machine]

This week, we found one, a young one.  Three of us chased it in and around one of the big machines humans occasionally use to walk in place without actually going anywhere.  It mostly sits there, gathering dust, so I'm not sure what its purpose is except to play into a human's need to feel like he/she is doing something, without actually having to do something.  Anyway, the three of us chased the thing all around and under the Pointless Machine.  Then, that little furry entertainment system disappeared into thin air.  None of us could smell it, hear it, or see it.  It didn't make any sense.  Until one of the humans started shaking this backpack, and it came flying out!  Oh, what an adventure! 

[Isn't he precious?  My precious?  He's not looking at me, just like I didn't get to see what happened to him.]

Except, then, my human nabbed me.  She lured me with snacks.  I always fall for that trick.  Then, she squirreled me away into one of those bedrooms, and I never got to see how the hunt ended.  Drat!  Or, rather, Dmouse!  Talk about anticlimactic!  I wish I could tell you what happened to the bringer of joy, but I never saw.  I imagine Toothless ate it when he tired of it, though he wouldn't admit it.  I'll just let Toothless find another one, so I can steal it. 

Outside

[My whiner brother getting coddled after his supposed trauma.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My whiner brother wants to tell you about his "trauma" this week.  He thinks it's such a big deal that he has to steal my blog this week to tell you all about it.  I figure I'll let him do it just to shut him up.  

This is Scout, and I'm no whiner.  I'm a smart cat, here to patrol my people's place and make it safe.  I'm used to being outside.  I like it.  Every day is an adventure when you can protect your people from mice, voles, bugs, snakes, and other things that may do them harm.  I'm my people's hero.  They adore me.  

Except a couple of days ago, they took me somewhere scary.  It wasn't far away, but they took me through a place with a lot of cars.  Have I told you how much I hate cars?  But we passed through this scary place with a lot of cars to get to this land.  I don't know where it is, somewhere not far.  At first, it was awesome, the biggest adventure I've been on in a while.  I chased bugs and mice while my people did...whatever it is people do.  Who even knows?  Anyway, I got bored just keeping an eye on my people.  They weren't doing anything too interesting.  So I went to scope out the place, make sure there wasn't anything too dangerous that could harm them.  I heard them call my name back where they were, but by then, I was chasing a particularly juicy mouse.  I mean, really big and juicy.  As soon as I was done, I went back to brag about what a wonderful thing I'd done and to let my people pet me and love me... but they were gone.  Totally gone. I smelled them but couldn't find them anywhere. 

 [That scary forest looked like this, but less friendly.]

There is no way I would pass through that place with all the cars again.  I looked.  I looked for a long time.  It got dark, and I was petrified.  I mean, I like the dark, but I was sure I'd never see my people again.  I wandered up and back on this waterway, calling for them, but I couldn't find them anywhere.  It was a long, cold, scary night full of owls, howling coyotes, revving cars nearby, and who knows what else.  The next day, I was some distance away when I heard my people call for me again.  I came running back, but by the time I came, they were gone again.  I had just found another cat to ask for directions when my people showed up again!  They were there!  They saved me and brought me home!  You see?  I'm not a whiner.  It really was the most frightening thing that ever happened to me. 

 [The ordeal of getting booped.  See why I had to run away?] 

Ruru back again.  See?  What did I tell you.  My brother is such a whiner.  One night outside?  Come on.  He's used to that stuff.  I've been through something much more terrifying.  Me, I never go outside.  But I got tired of my person booping my nose even though I kept telling her to stop.  So I decided to run away from home.   I got outside.  I was so scared.  I was afraid I would never find my way home.  But I was rescued before anything bad could happen.  See?  That's real terror.  One night.  Really, Scoutie?  Wuss.  

Five feet.  Ruru got five feet out the back door before she needed a rescue.  Talk about a whiner.  

But they were big feet.  Five very long, terrifying feet.  Besides, this is my blog, not yours.  Mine was scarier. So there.  

Cat and Mouse

This is Ruru the Cat.  Remember how last week, Baby, my annoying sister, told you all about what an awesome huntress she was?  How strong and saucy she was and that all fuzzy animals from everywhere ought to fear her?  Turns out the little red light our person's dad uses to make us chase our tails around the house is in more danger.  Heck, even Baby's tail is in more danger than a mouse.

Today, my people found a mouse in a bucket of dog food.  They tried to get it into the toilet, but the fat thing jumped right over the toilet and hid in the bathroom.  They tried locking Toothless, my silly brother, in there with the mouse, but he didn't even notice it.  Had he captured it, he would have left nothing but a head.  We've seen him do it, too.  But he didn't so much as smell it.

But Baby walked right in there, right to its hiding spot, grabbed it, and took it to the arena humans call the living room for play time.  We were all prepared to be impressed.  She growled at anyone who tried to take it.  I wanted it, and she wouldn't even let me sniff it.  It was HER mouse.  She was going to PROVE she was the best huntress of all.

It wasn't five minutes before the stupid mouse slipped away and hid behind the bookcases.  Man, that Baby is hilarious.  She thinks she's all that, but she's not.  See, I'm much more efficient.  I caught one a few days ago, killed it, and kindly left it for my person to find.  I want her to learn to be a better cat.  She doesn't get it any better than Baby does.  Silly Baby, go back to chasing your tail and that red dot.  You may even catch them sooner than you would a mouse.

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Squeekums, here.  I sneaked over here to borrow the computer.  Those silly cats think they caught me.  By outsmarting every cat in the house, I have completed my initiation to become Head Fuzz, Chief Leader of All Rodents in this human dwelling.  Thus begins our plan to properly honor those who have been taken to Volehala by taking over.  Mwahahah!  Oops.  Gotta go.  

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Ruru again.  Where'd that come from?