Happy Birthday to Me!

[Something yummy this way comes.]

Ruru the Cat here. I was minding my own business one random day, wishing my dumb people would come back from wherever they'd disappeared to for an entire night (jerks--yeah, they fed me before they left, but why go somewhere else when I'm HERE?  I am the center of their world. Hello.) 

[Ruling over my Kingdom on my Cat Tree.]

When my humans finally came back, they started saying this weird phrase, "Happy birthday."  To a cat, this phrase is really meaningless. I understand birth. That's where someone produces an annoying, tiny, loud thing from...somewhere. Not sure where these obnoxious things called babies come from. They just ARE like dogs, loud noises, and other annoyances. Day. That's the cycle from when humans are boring to when they get interesting then back to boring again. Something about light and dark, not that these are interesting concepts to a cat, either. There's not THAT much of a difference. Come on. 

[Meat! And catnip!]

Anyway, so my humans came to me as I sat on the cat tree and said that meaningless phrase. What was meaningful was that they gave me meat. And cheese. And catnip. So what is this birthday stuff? Got me. Couldn't tell you. Don't care. But I'll take a birthday every day of the week if it means more cheese. And meat. And catnip. And everyone looking up in worship at me.  

Invasion of the Mutt

[The mutt brat] 

Ruru the Cat here. We were stuck with the monstrous beast the size of all our dogs put together for DAYS. Worse, yet, she's a puppy. We were stuck with her whole days!  It was absolute misery, even worse than last time. The thing is energy in fur. It's constantly on the move, chasing everyone around, surrounding my people with her smells and eating all our dog food. Most of us hid downstairs, though I hid in my people's room. 

[Even the dogs don't like her.]

What made it even worse was that my favorite person in the world I used to hang out with all the time was right there in the living room the whole time. I could have gone up there and gotten love. Instead, there was the dumb mutt wherever I turned. Even Bean found it terrifying. I couldn't even sneak up to my person and get any love AT ALL. It made me feel a little better that my person complained about the dog, too. 

On the bright side, at least she hasn't come back. Here's hoping that's forever. This is my house. I'm the queen. And I see we don't need more dogs. 

Watching the Herd Make Fools of Themselves

[Above the chaos]

 Ruru the Cat here. As I sat on my throne at the top of the cat tree, I watched everyone else chase the Little Red Dot. It should have been mine, but I wasn't about to come down when all six of the others (Paige spends all her time hiding in what used to be my room, so she wasn't there) PLUS our dumb dogs chased the thing around. I get chased around enough around here by unworthy ruffians who are twice my size. So like the Queen that I am, I sat on my throne and watched their antics instead. 

[Silly Varya leaves her pipe cleaner to fight for the dot]

It looked like little Varya, the kitten, had never seen one of those red dots of light before. She was most determined to catch it. She was mowing everyone down to get to it. We all thought my brother, Chonk (aka Toothless) got it for a while because it disappeared when he pounced on it. He's not a very good mouser, and nobody takes him seriously, least of all me. But I was happy for him for one second when he had the Red Dot. 

[Halloween cats fighting for the dot.]

But when my people started laughing, I figured there was a trick. I couldn't see it, but the Red Dot of Awesomeness wasn't stopped in any way. All three of the black cats seemed quite sure they were going to get it, even Maya, who hates everyone and is Supreme Evil. Even little Varya (who scares everyone else in the house) knows to skulk around her. But none of them caught the thing. 

[Wren: Brainless but Pretty

Dumb Wren, whose entire self-appointed job is to be the prettiest cat in the house, got in on the fun. Yeah, his obnoxious prettiness didn't have a chance. The only mice he's ever caught have already been dead or have been stolen from someone else. Then, he loses them 'cuz the mice have more smarts than he does, even when they're dead. I was thrilled Wren didn't do what no one else could because he's a brat who loves to chase me like the sad little pretty boy he is. 

[The tiny bully]

The fun ended when that bully dog, Bean, who is smaller than me, went charging through the room barking. I don't know what it is about a barking dog, but even the smallest, most pathetic dog can scare a cat if he runs fast enough and barks loudly enough. And Bean is that pathetic dog. All the silly cats scattered when the five-pound twig charged through. But to reward his self-important bluster, the Red Dot disappeared entirely. Not sure how it does that or where it goes. Thinking it may be magic. But there it went. And I continued to sit on my throne, feeling smug that I hadn't made a fool of myself like everyone else. I just sat there, knowing I could have caught it because I'm Queen of the World. I've never caught it before, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have this time.