Vote 'em Off

[Fuzzy thorns in my side]

Ru:  Ruru the Cat here.  We've decided to vote the obnoxious yippy things off the island.  Seriously.  They just won't leave my tail alone.  They won't leave my ears or my face alone.  Every cat in the house agrees it's time.  Okay, so Sylvie doesn't mind them as long as she can sneak some of their food.  And Cass can tolerate them.  Toothless just ignores them.  Maya agrees.  And she's old.  I mean really REALLY old.  Almost ten.  That's super old.  I mean OLD.  Okay, enough of that, Maya.  I know they get the point that you're old.  Okay.  Fine.  Moving on.  The important thing is we all agree that we don't want them here.  We just want their food.  Oh, no. 

[See the monster in constant motion?  Yes, I'm ignoring it.  It's not there.]

Here they come.  I'm ignoring them.  Really.  Ignoring them.  Turning my face away and everything.  Hmm hmm.  They're not here.  Oh, crap.  They're stealing my keyb...

[Me!  Bean!]

Bean:  Hi hi hi!  I'm Bean!  I think I'm Bean!  I may be No no no OW! Stop Biting!  I also get called Naughty Puppy.  And Spastic Mogwai or Gremlin.  Don't know what that means.  I'll just call myself Bean.  I love this place!  I can romp up and down the big blue thing.  Sofa?  Ru says it's a sofa.  I love Ru!  She's AMAZING.  I love to chew on her ears.  I also love Toothless.  And I love Cass.  And I really really love Sylvie, but she won't let me chew on her ears.  Sad sad.  

[Kill!]

I also love to jump around and kill stuff!  If I love it, I'll kill it!  And I love EVERYTHING!  I love food and water and playing with my sister and cats and food.  Did I say food?  I love to potty and getting treats.  I love toys.  I REALLY love toys.  And food.  And my mommy.  And Daddy.  And playing.  And people.  I get so excited when people come and say hi.  

[I don't like baths.]

I don't like when people leave.  That makes me sad.  And I don't like baths.  They get me all wet, and I get cold and trembly.  No baths.  

Ru:  At least we agree on one thing, hairball.

Bean:  I love you Ru!  

Ru:  Get thee hence, dog!

Bean: Can I chew on your ears?  

Ru: Go away!

Bean:  Most of all, I love my sister, Angel.  I think she's Angel, but she could be Butter or Good Girl.  Not sure.  But she's my sister, and I love to kill her.  

[I like to play.]

Angel: I love you, too, Bean!  I like cats, but they're a little mean.  They growl and claw.  They scare me.  I do like food and Mommy and Daddy.  I like toys and playing.  I love love love people.

Bean:  Yeah.  All that.  It's so great.  Best thing in the world!

[Me vs. The Beast]

  
Ru:  Which is the best thing?  There can only be ONE best thing.  I swear.  I thought the dogs were dumb.  Puppies can't spell IQ.  It's embarrassing.  And even their mommy doesn't want to spend more than a few seconds kissing them.  Dodger, their dad, straight up runs away.  Not kidding.  So everyone agrees that the puppies should go.

Bean:  Okay, I'll go.  

Ru:  Oh, man.  That is NOT what I meant.  Clean up on the sofa.  Puppies.  Who needs them?