Death Noodle from Outer Space

[Beware the creepy thing.]

Ruru the Cat here.  So my people came home with this really creepy thing from, I don't know, space or something.  Who knows where people find these things?  It smells funny and looks funnier, kind of like that gray rope-looking thing that my people brought home but wouldn't let me kill a while ago but bigger.  I mean, a LOT bigger.  They call it a BALL python as in a ball of yarn.  Which means it should be my toy.  But nooooo.  That would make too much sense.  Besides, I'm not sure I want it anywhere near me.  Have you seen those teeth?  

                                                   [It's getting closer!  AAAAAAAAHHHH!]

My people should ask for my permission before invading my house with a ...oh, crap.  Here it comes.  I mean, it's coming RIGHT here RIGHT now!  I'm out of here.  

                         <===============================:}

/.,/,;lmlkjk Sssssorry.  I had to sssslither acrossss the keyssss to sssettle in where I could type.   Thissss isss Key Lime Python, or ssssso the humanssss around here call me.  You can call me Key for sssssshort because I can open any lock except the one on my cage, but I'm working on it.  I just came from a placcccce that wassss quiet all the time.  They had a kid, a man, a woman, a cat, and a parrot, all of whom gave me a lot of peacccccce and quiet.  And they fed me.  All told, not a bad life.  I came from another placccce a year ago I can't remember well except I had a tiny, crowded cage and not enough food.  In that house from whence I just came, I missssed attention, but assssss long asssss they fed me, it was all good.  

[The keyboard: a sssnake'sss bessst friend.]

Now, I am here in a placccce with what feelssss like ten thoussssand catsss, who find me fassscinating and sssswat at me, dogssss who want to eat me, and a kid who can't get enough of hauling me around everywhere ALL the time.  I'm kind of missssing the quiet.  However, at the ssssame time, I don't mind being held.  And worn asssss a hat and a braccccelet.  And held ssssome more.  And worn over hisss shoulder and neck and just held a lot.  I mean, a lot.  I ssssscarcely get a chanccccce to think before he picksssss me up again.  He'sss always giggling and sssssmiling every time he sssspeakssss of ssssnakes.  He tried to feed me a rat yessssterday, but I declined.  I just don't feel ssssafe yet.

[This juvenile male human is wayyyy too fascinated with me for me to essscape in a hurry.]   

I am back to pondering esssscape.  That issss always my primary goal and hasss been ssssinccce I wassss hatched.  Humanssss can't posssibly underssstand the complicated motivationssss of ussss higher life formssss, nor can catssss and dogsss.  Oh, drat.  The cat isssss coming back with her friendssss.  I will sssspeak to you again ssssoon.  ggsdasdCZx

Ruru again, finally back in control of my stupid computer.  Stinking snake.  How dare she call me a "lower life form."  Humans, sure.  We all know they're not as superior as a cat.  That snake is awfully uppity for an oversized plate of noodles.  She promises she'll be back, but I'll be sure she doesn't.  It's my computer even if the person thinks it's hers.