It's Raining Kittens

 

[Monsters]

Ruru the Cat here. As if one set of three little monsters wasn't enough. My people brought in SEVEN more. SEVEN. I don't know if you're aware of this, but seven monsters is a lot worse than having three. But it gets worse. My people never got rid of two of the first three. I still hope they will. That means we eight sane(ish) cats were outnumbered by nine crazy kittens. 

[More monsters.]

Fortunately, my person has a neighbor caring for three of them, which means after a few days, we got down to six, so we cats are back to outnumbering the kittens. Still. My humans must be insane to bring those beasts in. They got goat milk, soft food, and all the good things I should be getting. It's just not fair. 

[Yet more.] 

The problem is that neighbor is only caring for those kittens. Which could mean we're under threat of a return to overwhelming numbers. I hear rumors that these kittens, like most of the others before them, have a place to go in a couple of weeks. A place that's not here. This is good. I hope that rumor is true. 

[ENOUGH ALREADY.]

It's not just the kittens crawling everywhere. It's that they're occupying the office, which should be Phoenix's. If she's not in her room at night, she's out where I get stuck being her "best friend." She thinks we're playing. She wants to chase me around and claw at me. This is not play. This is terrifying. She's HUGE. Like twice my size. 

[The one I'm worried may not leave.]

Okay. Enough with the kittens. No more kittens. Ever. I don't care which neighbor wants us to take in more of these clawing, ravenous, whiny beasties, even temporarily. I've raised enough of them. And strange to say, even though I'm such a wonderful cat, the ones I've raised all hate me. Six out of the eight really large cats in the house think I'm Satan because I happened to hate them when they were little. Now, they hate me now they're big. Strange how that works. Except Phoenix, but she's never been quite right in the head. The other one is the little old lady cat who hates everyone but Varya because Varya didn't give Maya the chance to stay a hateful, angry old biddy to her. Now, they're besties and joined in their hatred of me. Seriously. No more cats. No more kittens. Just none. 

The Monsters Have Come

[How much I love kittens.]

Ruru the Cat here. Dangit. That annoying cat, Varya, was right. My people brought home more kittens. I was hoping she was kidding, but she had way too much fun teasing me for me to have peace of mind. Then again, teasing me is one of her favorite hobbies. How can three little monsters be everywhere at once, making everything reek of them?

 

[Back when Phoenix the one-eyed wonder was a kitten.]

And with the way they took her room, I'm stuck coming face to face with Phoenix wayyy too often. Phoenix is that one-eyed cat who thinks we're best friends. We are NOT best friends. She's big and scary and tries to play with me. She doesn't even know how to cat. Dude the panther-sized cat has tossed her in the bath water when she hasn't dipped her own tail in, as if she's not aware it's even there. Why do my people need her again? They have me. I mean, I haven't figured out why my people have any other cats, let alone the dogs. All anyone needs is me. 

[The Three Little Monsters eating MY food.]

And now, there are those silly kittens. The kittens get better food than me, more attention than me, and have been allowed to get way too close to me and even breathe my air. It's my air. I got to it first. Please tell me they're leaving again and soon. Do they not know kittens become cats? I don't think I can take any more cats taking up permanent air and food from my house. Get rid of those monsters soon. 

An Appropriate Box for an Evil Cat

 

[Where this cat belongs.]

Ruru the Cat here. I don't much like the cats around here, mostly because I don't like other cats. Worst of all is the most recent kitten, the one who never grew up. She's still smaller than me. or so I tell myself. But she doesn't mind being small. She's got all the confidence of large cat, but even the resident grumpy old lady cat finds her endearing. Not me. She sneaks up behind me and swats me just for fun. I've never seen a more appropriate box than this one for that cat. 

[Varya's horrible rumor.]

Well, this villainous cat, Varya, has been telling me a most nightmarish rumor, which is that we may get more kittens around here soon. I can only hope this is yet more lies she's telling me just to be evil. She told me she heard it from one of our people. I can't believe our people would be that terrible to me. Okay, I can believe it because they've done it before. Multiple times. I just don't WANT to believe it. So I won't. 

Doggie Fieldtrips I Don't Envy

 

[As far from home as I want to get--the living room.]

Ruru the Cat here. I would tell you why I haven't written in a while, but cats don't give up their secrets. So I don't leave the house. Ever. I don't want to. It's scary out there. There are monsters that killed my brother. There are monsters that would be happy to kill me, flying monsters, rolling monsters with engines, fluffy monsters. I hear about them but don't want to meet them, myself. I've only ever left the house against my will. But the dogs will often run out of the house like it's an exciting thing. As I've said before, dogs are nuts. 

[Our house panther/bully.]

Often, the dogs just run out back. Sometimes, they go on walks. On a LEASH. And they LIKE it. It makes absolutely no sense. For a while, my people scammed Dude into thinking he was a dog and got him to go out on a leash. Soon enough, he figured out he was a cat. Now, he's a panther who rules the house. No one would dare take him for a walk now. Though they sometimes grab him and hold him and pet him. It does NOT make him happy. He's four times my size. I have nothing to do with him if I can help it. 

[Leaving the house: it's a TRAP.]

Well, field trips can get worse. Much MUCH worse. One time, Bean left with a smile on his face, and it turned out they tricked him into a BATH. There are real reasons I don't go anywhere. I never can tell if they're going to trick me into a bath. *Shudder.*

[Bean at the Vet: Just no.]

Oh, but it can get worse still. Recently, they took both dogs out, and both were so happy. But then, they dragged them to the VET. I can't imagine a worse field trip than getting stabbed and poked and prodded like that. Let me tell you that going outside is just a bad idea. Friends don't let friends leave the house. If someone invites you to leave EVER, just say no. 

Worse than Kittens

[Annoying visitors.]

Ruru the Cat here. Yeah, turns out there's something worse than visiting kittens. That's visiting puppies. Our neighbors like to bring some over here. I'm glad, like the kittens, those stupid puppies are temporary visitors. But still. One of them, at least, is little. Little but fast, enthusiastic, and all about stealing my people. It's hard to dodge something that moves that fast. 

[Much Worse: Another Yeti.]

It got much worse when the puppy was a zillion times bigger than me, a yeti like our former neighbors had. Those things are MONSTERS. The puppies are all about introducing themselves by sniffing your butt. Nothing says scary like a monster sniffing your rear end. They don't seem to understand a cat's butt noodle is sacred and should NOT be sniffed. They also fill every room they're in. And leave hair and smells EVERYWHERE. 

[Really Annoying. Even to Bean.]

If your resident annoying dog-shaped furniture (Bean) finds visiting dogs annoying, then, you know they have to be annoying.  I'm just glad I can hide in my room (the one my people believe to be theirs) and not have to deal with them much. But not much is still SOME. Honestly, humans, leave the monsters at the door. Or, better yet, far from it. 

Monsters!

 

[Monsters!]

Ruru the Cat here. Whew, The monsters are gone. I didn't even tell you they were here, and now, they're gone. I just couldn't handle the trauma of having those monsters around. That's right. My foolish people brought home more kittens. I'm just glad there were only two. In the past, my people would sometimes bring home four or five or six. Seriously. Where is that kitten factory, and how can we burn it down?

[No! It's in my house!]

I didn't have to see them that often because I hid in my people's room. At night, when I wasn't in there, the kittens were locked away in a separate room. Still, I could SMELL them. Their smells were everywhere. And I had to face them only once or twice. Which is once or twice too many. 

[The proper reaction to one of the monsters.]

The smart cats in my house had the same reaction I did: why are these little beasts in my house? Most of them reacted that way. Even though I don't like the other cats in my house, at least they're smart enough to know how to react to an invader. 

[Not a proper response to the monsters.]

Meanwhile, the youngest among us at first gave that proper response.  But she actually warmed up to them. She BOOPED herself on one of them. Who does that? They can attack you, crawl on you, decide to move in! Making friends with monsters is a dangerous business. I tried it at least once, then we got stuck with that kitten. Friends don't let friends make friends with kittens. Just say no to kittens. Now, they'll be in my nightmares for weeks. 

The Things that Should Be Mine

 

[Me with MY toy mouse.]

Ruru the Cat here. Okay. Let's remember whose house this is. My people seem to think it's their house, which means they can choose to share it with whomever they want. As I said before, they've let all sorts of random animals in here. Cats and dogs. Worse yet, kittens and puppies. Bunnies. Fish. Guinea pigs. Rats. Lizards. Snakes. A baby goat. Not kidding. My humans take lots of liberties with my house. But we must remember whose house it is. If an awesome gift comes into my house, like the toy mouse above, it should be mine. 

[An upstart Wren with one of my toys.]

That means toys that come in my house should be all mine. Not Wren's, not Varya's, not Dude's, not any of the other seven cats' toy. It's mine. Here, my people show a total disregard for that. They let this upstart play with MY toy mouse. This happens a lot. 

[I don't want this one.]

Okay, so there are exceptions. This one with glowing eyes and sharp teeth is NOT my toy. I don't want it. Varya can have this one. It's too creepy. I just don't see anything good can come from sharp-toothed toys. I think I'd have nightmares. 

[Varya eating my snacks.] 

The snacks should be mine, too. I don't often want popcorn like this. But I do want the bread and all cat treats and the fishie crackers. I was here (almost) first. Maya doesn't count. She's too grumpy and isn't me. And we can ignore the fact that Chonk, my brother, got brought in three days before I was. I am and always have been more important. But it should be my choice whether I want the snacks. Varya shouldn't--but often does--get first pick of the snacks. I'M supposed to be the one who gets to jump on the table and fish in the fishie cracker box, not Varya. 

[See that toy I had above? Note how a few minutes later, it was stolen by Dude.]

But here we are in a sad world wherein I don't get all the toys and the snacks because I have to hide in a bedroom to avoid getting beat up on. What a sad, sorry world you unfortunate souls live in where you don't get to see me in all of my glory. You are stuck with only photos of me. Oh, and you only have lesser cats, less than me because aren't they all? Giving them the toys that should go to me. This world is just not fair, for you or for me. But especially for me.