Nasty Places

[Such a nightmarish place, this place called outside. Source]

Ruru the Cat here. There are many places I'm glad I'm not. Outside, for instance. I don't believe in outside. I know it EXISTS, but it shouldn't. It's big, scary, cold, and today, it's wet. I am in firm denial that anything is beyond my walls, and I'm happy that way. I hear there are some insane cats that actually LIKE it out there. *Shudder*  Oh, no. That's not me. 

[Those nasty, smelly boxes.]

For one thing, outside has those nasty, smelly boxes called cars. I've only ridden in them a few times, which is a few too many. The big boxes often involve little, plastic boxes they lock up like a cage. There's nothing good about a car. You can't convince me otherwise. I feel nauseous and want to vomit every time. I feel movement but can't see it. Because I'd have to look outside. No thank you. It's further evidence that humans are insane. 

[The portal to hell.]

But of all places in the horrible, nightmarish outside, the worst of all places is called the vet. I don't know what it means. I just know that all bad things start and end with those three letters. Pain, fear, and horror happen there. Smells of all sorts of big, scary monsters waft over me, making it a cursed place. I hear the haunted voices of lost souls there. It's just not a place that should exist. Well, the stupid dogs have all gone there recently. I don't know why they'd want to, but they all looked eager when they left. That's all the evidence I need that dogs are crazy, too. Here's the particular dumb and annoying Bean to tell you all about it. 

[I love it outside!]

Bean: We went outside!  I love outside! It's amazing! So many smells!

Ru: See? Absolutely nuts. 

Bean: There are people there I don't know! New friends! All good things happen outside!

Ru: Strangers. Just no. 

[Yay for cars!]

Bean: We got into a car, and my person held me the whole time! It was great! I looked out the window and saw so many exciting things! 

Ru: Exciting is code for awful. 

Bean: We drove and drove to a building that smelled like DOGS! New ones, ones I didn't know! I wanted to meet them all! 

Ru: You really are a sick monster, aren't you, little boy? And you're still smaller than me, so I can tease you. 

[The weird building!]

Bean: We went to this exciting building I only sort of remembered. They took me into a room with a new friend! Except he took me away from my mommy and poked things into me!  I didn't like it at all! I thought I'd never see her again!

Ru: Yet still the exclamation points. Such a drama queen. 

Bean: Then, they brought me back and gave me to my mommy!  It was so great! I hadn't seen her in ever so long! But we were together again, and it was awesome! Then, we went home together! It was amazing! I'm so happy when Mommy takes me places!

Ru: What is your problem, weirdo? They put you through hell, and still, you're annoyingly chipper? What is the point of these torture chambers all tied up with outside? I just don't understand dogs at all. Or people.