How to Water and how not to Water

[The cat who knows how to Water.]

Ruru the Cat here. I know what water is for. Me. Obviously. If a person is in the tub, I will sit there and order the person to serve me nice, warm person soup. I'll have them put splashes of bath water on the side of the tub, so I can lap it up. That's the ideal and the best water around. I've shown a few other cats that's the way to go. 

[Here is one of the only acceptable ways to Water.]

Failing that, fine, I'll either make sure they freshen up my water dish, so it hasn't been sitting around more than an hour. Otherwise, it gets nasty and stale. I'll also order humans to turn the water in the sink on. That's fresh enough, too. It's a good thing humans have hands. Otherwise, they'd make lousy servants. Even then, they miss more than a few beats. 

[Check out the soggy tail. This is not how to water.]

Meanwhile, Phoenix just doesn't get it. She tries to follow my lead and sit on the edge of the tub to drink person soup, but all too often, she ends up landing butt-first in the tub or slip on the water and land on the floor. It's hilarious, but it's not at all how to properly enjoy water. Even the humans can't help but laugh when she goes tearing through the house, dripping water everywhere. Moral of the story? Be like me. I get how to properly enjoy water.  

Why, Humans, Why?

 

[Give me the worship I deserve as queen of the universe.]

Ru: This is Ruru the Cat. I'm one of EIGHT cats. We also have three exceptionally LOUD pieces of furniture (the humans call them dogs or lint-on-a-leash depending if it's the dad or the mom talking). I understand the really LARGE human male here has a pile of cold-blooded monsters. Whatever. Humans clearly don't know a good thing when they have it, me. They don't know how to focus on what really matters. Also me. 

[It doesn't do much. What's the point?]

Well, my person first started letting small, dumb kittens in her room that are now huge, scary cats that have booted me out of my favorite room in the house. Now, of all things, my human has allowed COLD-BLOODED monsters in what used to be MY ROOM. Isn't it bad enough that there are cat-shaped beasts in there? You really need these things, too?  On the bright side, I'm not stuck in a room with them, so I'll let one of the poor stooges who are stuck in there with the weird-smelling creepie crawlies. Here's what the One-eyed-wonder, Phoenix, has to say about this. 

[Must have this yarn.]

Phoenix: I don't know much about the little living yarn. My person seems to like him, so I'm thinking I need to play with him as soon as I can, until he stops moving. I just haven't had the chance yet. But he looks like a lot of fun. 

[It's gonna be mine.]

But that's not the really REALLY cool thing. I just love that lizard. I could stare at her all day. It's my favorite thing to stare at. All day long. I can stare and stare and stare. When she moves, I get really excited. When she hunts those little bugs, I want to play, too, especially with the little lizard. I don't care if it's holding perfectly still. I just know if I could get in there, we'd be the best friends ever at least until she stops moving. Last night, she disappeared. I couldn't find her anywhere. I was so sad that I tried to dig through the wall to find her. I just know we could be best friends. I know we can. And I won't stop staring at her until she's my best friend ever. 

[Looks like prey. But the Spikes!]

Ru: Okay, that's a little freaky. Both the lizard and her cat stalker. No accounting for tastes. Speaking of tastes, Phoenix, if ever you catch the lizard or the living yarn, can I have the first bite? 

Phoenix: Nope. Get your own yummies. Wanna play?

Ru: That's enough of that. Go away. See? No one around here worships me like I deserve.